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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another 'kid dropping off thread'

148 replies

VivaNoLikey · 11/09/2017 16:08

My DS is in yr8 highschool. Last year this happened a few times but since they restarted its been every day.

His friend is a nice kid but his mum drops him off outside my house at 7.30. I don't know her, never spoken to her.

At 7.30 we are just getting out of bed.

A few mornings I've told my son to tell him to come back at 8am if he wants to walk to school with him but he came back 10/minutes later.

This morning I let him in because there was a rainstorm.
And now he's back. Walked home from school with DS and asked if he could come in. I reluctantly said OK and then he asks if he can stay till 5pm Hmm

He has done this previously and asked if we 'have any food'.

I know it's not MY responsibility but i feel bad that this poor kid is being booted out at 7.30am till 5 on school days rain or shine.

But I don't want him here tbh. I've 4 kids of my own.

I know you're gonna say grow a backbone but I'm terribly british about these things and have bad anxiety and am crap at confrontation. Plus...the guilt! :(

OP posts:
SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 07:31

at 12 me and my friends were in and out of each others houses so this seems normal to me but I get where you're coming from. I'd just make him sit in the living room until you were all ready in the morning then just give put healthy snacks after school if he's hungry he can have an apple.

PollyPelargonium52 · 13/09/2017 07:35

Slightly off point but you do seem to wake up quite late?

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 07:37

mornings though tbf I'd expect there to be an agreement between both parents for the boy to come over I'd say after school that's the kids arrangements.

MargotLovedTom1 · 13/09/2017 07:40

What has the time the OP gets up got to do with anything?

Has he replied to the text?

Original poster
VivaNoLikey · 13/09/2017 07:44

I don't know why people are saying we get up late Confused

We walk to (primary) school at half 8. We have an hour to get dressed and washed and fed. It's plenty of time. Like I said we have only ever been late once.

OP posts:
swampytiggaa · 13/09/2017 07:53

In defence of the OP I have 5 children. Although I get up earlier I tend to wake them any time between 7-15 and 7-30. The big ones leave for school at 8-15 the small ones at 8-30.

I only get up earlier to make lunches as I am too disorganised to do them the night before

StarlitTrees · 13/09/2017 08:03

Oh ignore people saying you get up late OP!

Did he come round again??

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 08:05

I get up at 7.45am to leave for 20 past 8 for a 20 min trip to the school gates, I only have 2 kids though 6yo and 3mo

AnotherOnTheWay5 · 13/09/2017 08:19

Is he a bad kid? If not maybe try speaking to the child's parent, and explain that you're ok with him coming round in the mornings, just not as early as you have other children to ģet ready, and after school is fine but you are not able to feed him? It can help strengthen relationships with your own children by showing an interest in who they are socialising with. I know what that feels like to have your children's friends dropping round, and it does make you feel awkward, but take an interest in their friendships

Original poster
VivaNoLikey · 13/09/2017 08:20

No he didn't come this morning and last night DS said he told him he couldn't cone after school.

I had a talk with DS and he says he doesn't invite him, he invites himself and that he doesn't really like him or want to walk with him. He is really boisterous and DS is much quieter. So now I feel better in putting my foot down and asking him to stop coming round as DS doesn't even want him here.

OP posts:
fannydaggerz · 13/09/2017 08:29

Can he not go into your sons room in the morning? He can sit in there with your son as he gets ready for school?

The after school thing wouldn't bother me as he could have a drink of squash and a snack and then send him home by t time.

I can see why it would be annoying when you have 4 children.

MadMags · 13/09/2017 09:59

I can't quite believe that people are suggesting ways for OP to have this child in her house every single day!

It's not on.

I'm afraid that if he showed up in the morning, I wouldn't answer and if he came after school, I'd say "not today" and repeat until he stopped.

But my first course of action would be to text the mum as I said upthread.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 10:14

as the boy for his mums number

user1483562351 · 13/09/2017 10:51

I have the same problem.

Every day, DS's 'friend' (yr 8) hangs outside our house at 3.15pm waiting to come in and use the xbox. He will stay till 7pm every night if I don't ask him to leave.

Every Sat and Sun he knocks at 9.30am in the morning, then keeps reknocking if we send him off.

I have to make up excuses not to let him in now but can't quite bring myself to say 'go away; you come round too much and drive me mad, just lurking about like that'

Panda59 · 13/09/2017 12:30

next time he comes say "not tonight sweetheart, you best just go home ok?, we will arrange a day when you can come here" smile, close the door.
or you will have him every single day and find yourself cooking for him and taking measures for his comfort... stop it right away is my advice

Jux · 13/09/2017 16:00

user tell him the xbox is banned this week....

kittybiscuits · 13/09/2017 17:03

Call Social Services?! Ffs the boy is 12, not 2!!

12 is still very much a child. Sometimes the small things that adults notice can bring to light much more significant neglect or abuse. It is not appropriate to try and impose your child on a family without their agreement. I advised mentioning it to the school in case they have other concerns. If they have no concerns, no harm done.

MaybeDoctor · 13/09/2017 17:07

I remember being impervious to hints as a teenager and young adult. I would have really appreciated adults just being polite but straightforward with me - rather than allowing me to persist with something in order to be 'nice' but inwardly being annoyed.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 13/09/2017 18:10

Would social services have an issue with a 12 year old leaving early for school so he can meet up with his friend along the way? I can't see it.
There could be more to it behind the scenes, I suppose; but it's hardly a red flag on it's own.

MargotLovedTom1 · 13/09/2017 18:18

I think SS have enough going on with kids who are being starved, abused and battered from here to next week. The mother is not guilty of neglect. A pound to a penny she's a bit of a piss taker who's thought "Great! Can drop him off there on my way to work, and he can hang around there for a bit after school. They've not said anything so they obviously don't mind."

Willow2017 · 13/09/2017 18:32

Iamgrey

He isn't leaving hpmeceay to walk to svho with mates

His mum is dumping him half an hour before he needs to leave for school.
Inviting himself round after school every day isn't fair either. It outs pressure on op to feed him, what if they were going out? What if her ds wanted to do something on his own?

The boy isn't even a friend he is just latching on to ops son.

Yes I would mention it to school there could be more to it but having a12yr old in the house while I am getting ready, feeding kids, every single day no thanks. And not every on either you are not the unpaid child care the woman doesn't even know you.

If he turns up again get his mum's phone number and tell her straight you are not her child care and he isn't coming again.

Willow2017 · 13/09/2017 18:35

User

Just tell him straight he isnt coming in every day. He isn't to come round unless invited. Unless you spell it out this will continue to drive you mad it would me.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 13/09/2017 20:32

tell your son to tell him lol

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