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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another 'kid dropping off thread'

148 replies

VivaNoLikey · 11/09/2017 16:08

My DS is in yr8 highschool. Last year this happened a few times but since they restarted its been every day.

His friend is a nice kid but his mum drops him off outside my house at 7.30. I don't know her, never spoken to her.

At 7.30 we are just getting out of bed.

A few mornings I've told my son to tell him to come back at 8am if he wants to walk to school with him but he came back 10/minutes later.

This morning I let him in because there was a rainstorm.
And now he's back. Walked home from school with DS and asked if he could come in. I reluctantly said OK and then he asks if he can stay till 5pm Hmm

He has done this previously and asked if we 'have any food'.

I know it's not MY responsibility but i feel bad that this poor kid is being booted out at 7.30am till 5 on school days rain or shine.

But I don't want him here tbh. I've 4 kids of my own.

I know you're gonna say grow a backbone but I'm terribly british about these things and have bad anxiety and am crap at confrontation. Plus...the guilt! :(

OP posts:
BackforGood · 12/09/2017 00:37

I agree, I wouldn't want someone arriving at my house each day when we were just getting up then trying to get everyone ready and out the house.
However, I don't understand why you can't start cooking dinner until after he is gone ? Confused

StarlitTrees · 12/09/2017 09:33

Did he turn up this morning OP?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 12/09/2017 09:41

either the mum is a cheeky cow or her kid is amd told her it was fine! If it catries in I'd be dropping the teacher a line highlighting possible trouble at home Hmm

Shakey15000 · 12/09/2017 09:49

Agree to bite the bullet and speak to the mum directly

MadMags · 12/09/2017 11:14

OP can cook dinner at 8 am if she wants to. It's her home.

And I wouldn't be doing free childcare for anyone!

StarsAndStripes18 · 12/09/2017 12:20

You have 4 kids and are just getting out of bed at 7.30?

Lola, I have 5 kids (4 at school) and we get up at 7.30.. all kids and DH have porridge (made by me), lunch boxes are made the night before and kept in the fridge and they're out the door at 7.55 for the bus.

ballestief · 12/09/2017 12:22

You have 4 kids and are just getting out of bed at 7.30?
Whats' wrong with that? Confused

StarsAndStripes18 · 12/09/2017 12:57

I'm wondering the same ballestief Confused

AprilLady4 · 12/09/2017 14:00
Shock
NoSquirrels · 12/09/2017 14:18

Either it's a kid issue " it's fine for me to be at C's house, Mum, they don't mind" - in which case telling the kid repeatedly (both yourself & via your DS) will eventually fix it, as he won't want to be out in the rain for 30 minutes repeatedly

OR

It's a CF parent issue - no key/imposing on you as it's easier, in which case speaking/texting the kids' parents is the way to go.

I'd probably approach via my DC first - please can you tell your friend not before 8am, and you can invite him over after school Mondays/Weds but he needs to go home by 4.30.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 12/09/2017 14:23

What happened op?!?

dustarr73 · 12/09/2017 16:39

Well op did u get a hold of the mother this morning.

EllenMP · 12/09/2017 17:28

If your son wants him over after school, I would say that's fine, but you are under no obligation to feed him tea. As for in the morning, please call his mum and explain that he shouldn't knock until whatever time you specify.

UnicornSparkles1 · 12/09/2017 17:43

You don't need to justify yourself OP. You're being used as a free breakfast/after school club. I agree with texting Mum, the message obviously isn't filtering through with DS's friend.

mumtoanangel · 12/09/2017 17:47

i wouldnt put up with it.easier said than done i know

eddielizzard · 12/09/2017 17:51

watch and wait for her. the second she pulls up jump out and ask her why she's dropping her ds at yours without speaking to you. or just stand outside with your arms folding shaking your head as she screeches up.

CoraPirbright · 12/09/2017 18:05

Have you contacted the mum OP? My money is on her being a CF....

Babyblues14 · 12/09/2017 18:06

Did you get to talk to the mother?

Starlight2345 · 12/09/2017 18:13

I wish I could get up at 7.30 but I can't because I am a childminder and I am paid to have other people's children...A difference..I do it because I get paid.

Tell Child that your ds leaves home at ... and that he is not to knock till that time. If it continues you will contact his parents.

Poppyrose2 · 12/09/2017 18:17

I had this problem too. It was a bit more tricky as the boy and my own son didn't get along, but he kept coming round to ours very early. I didn't mind initially, but then it escalated as this kid often had no breakfast or lunch or bus fare with him, and had clearly not showered for a while. He then started staying til late in the evening too. When I did broach it with his parents, with the angle that I was concerned he was locked out, it turned out his French mother had gone back to work in France mon-fri, and 'kids this age look after themselves in France'. The English dad was quite embarrassed and was under the impression it was an arrangement his wife had made. They were 10/11 yrs old.

jessebuni · 12/09/2017 18:18

To be honest I probably wouldn't bother speaking to his mum. I'd just say to the teenagers both your son and his friend sorry but I don't want other people visiting that early when me and the other kids are still in our pyjamas so you can absolutely swing by to walk with DS but not until XX time. And in the afternoons try not to make a big deal about it but I would say to DS first that pi don't mind him coming over say one time in a week but it can't be every day end of discussion. Lay down some rules and stick to them.

RestingBitchFaced · 12/09/2017 18:28

Any update?

Carriecakes80 · 12/09/2017 18:28

lol Oooh, hope she's not dropping her Poos at the door as well! Nor any relatives of her poos! Grin

orenisthenewblack · 12/09/2017 18:37

What's CF?

alibongo5 · 12/09/2017 18:39

What's CF?

Cheeky Fucker.