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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another 'kid dropping off thread'

148 replies

VivaNoLikey · 11/09/2017 16:08

My DS is in yr8 highschool. Last year this happened a few times but since they restarted its been every day.

His friend is a nice kid but his mum drops him off outside my house at 7.30. I don't know her, never spoken to her.

At 7.30 we are just getting out of bed.

A few mornings I've told my son to tell him to come back at 8am if he wants to walk to school with him but he came back 10/minutes later.

This morning I let him in because there was a rainstorm.
And now he's back. Walked home from school with DS and asked if he could come in. I reluctantly said OK and then he asks if he can stay till 5pm Hmm

He has done this previously and asked if we 'have any food'.

I know it's not MY responsibility but i feel bad that this poor kid is being booted out at 7.30am till 5 on school days rain or shine.

But I don't want him here tbh. I've 4 kids of my own.

I know you're gonna say grow a backbone but I'm terribly british about these things and have bad anxiety and am crap at confrontation. Plus...the guilt! :(

OP posts:
Lolly49 · 12/09/2017 18:41

CF = Cheeky fucker

Esspee · 12/09/2017 18:42

Cheeky fecker

Upsy1981 · 12/09/2017 18:54

I bet mum leaves the house for work then and doesn't trust him to lock up properly etc before he leaves for school so she takes him out with her and drops him at yours. To be fair, I bet her son has told her its fine.

rainbowduck · 12/09/2017 19:00

Wow... you need to talk to her...

shoesarefab · 12/09/2017 19:01

4 kids fed, dressed and out the door in 25mins, are you all related to Usain Bolt?! I'm majorly impressed. I have 2 kids, lunchboxes done the night before and it still takes us 1 hour 15mins on a good day 🙈🙈

Willow2017 · 12/09/2017 19:06

Just because her son leaves at 8 doesnt mean the rest of them do.

My local primary is literally 3 minutes away and starts at 8.45.

strawberrisc · 12/09/2017 19:12

Funny how Mumsnetters think it's fine for a 12 year old to be alone in the house after school yet on one of my very first posts where I left my 13 year in bed to go to the incredibly local shop I got compared to the McCanns!

Ktown · 12/09/2017 19:14

This is pure parental neglect. It is horrible on the child.
I'd speak to the mum and the school.

Betsy86 · 12/09/2017 19:18

Sorry about placemarking i just want to know the outcome as im a nosey cf :)

monstiebags · 12/09/2017 19:21

Parents are getting him to do this - poor lad - but speak to them. He is probably as unhappy about the situation as you are.

llangennith · 12/09/2017 19:36

When my 3 DC were all at secondary school it felt like my home was open house and at weekends it certainly was; but I wouldn't have had anyone in the house before school, nor regularly after school. If it happened more than two days in a row I'd tell my DC to tell their friend that mum said it's not ok to keep coming round after school every day between end of school day and teatime. All the parents held the same view.

Minaktinga · 12/09/2017 19:37

Call social services. They are leaving a 12 year old to fend for himself.

Minaktinga · 12/09/2017 19:37

Sorry - what I meant to add is that you don't know what's going on at home.

pollymere · 12/09/2017 19:42

You need to go outside and talk to his Mum. If she's basically dumping her kid outside a complete stranger's house early in the morning you need to find out why. If this is her idea of childcare then you need to talk to the school in confidence. That's neglect. Hopefully it will be based more on something her son has said is OK. You need to let her know that you can't be responsible for her son. What would happen if your son was ill or you weren't there for some reason. If you're happy for them to walk together at 8am, then explain that.

pollymere · 12/09/2017 19:44

Rereading your post, I've realized you're being used for free childcare. This whole thing really screams neglect to me. I would have contacted Safeguarding Team by now at the school or local number.

ScabbyHorse · 12/09/2017 19:53

What happened this morning?

FuckCalmRhageOn · 12/09/2017 19:59

Come back op!!!

hks · 12/09/2017 21:31

my daughters friend did this we told her not to come before 8am but she still came some mornings just after 7.40am
My kids still getting ready for school at that time

Kizzyma · 12/09/2017 21:46

I feel really really sorry for the poor boy and would let him in. Who knows what his home life is like . Might be unwanted there and at yours . Is it really going to kill you to have him there ?

TurquoiseTranquility · 12/09/2017 22:54

Please please DON'T call the SS! Even if things aren't right at home (which from the sound of it may well be the case), NO child is better off in care except for a few very severe cases like Baby P.
I'd sit this kid down and try and get him talking about home. Then ring his mum (if you manage to get the number) and get her side of the story. Then make your judgement. Maybe take it to the school. But please not the SS.
If he won't talk, see if your DS knows/can find something out about the friend's family life. Depending what he finds out, maybe take it to the school. But PLEASE don't involve the SS. Always the last resort.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 12/09/2017 22:57

Ss aren't going to swoop in and take the boy unless there is good reason!

kittybiscuits · 12/09/2017 23:00

I would call school and tell them what is happening. They will not tell you if they have other concerns about this child, but this will add to the picture if they do.

Abbylee · 12/09/2017 23:04

I am sorry, OP. The other side of the problem is that he is not getting into trouble at your home and you do not really know why he doesn't want to go home.

Trust me, kids usually LOVE a house without parents at that age forward.

I think that it is a much bigger problem than a strange kid in your house.

Can you ask him why?

Acromantula · 13/09/2017 00:27

Any news OP?

MargotLovedTom1 · 13/09/2017 07:27

Call Social Services?! Ffs the boy is 12, not 2!!