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Original poster

Another 'kid dropping off thread'

148 replies

VivaNoLikey · 11/09/2017 16:08

My DS is in yr8 highschool. Last year this happened a few times but since they restarted its been every day.

His friend is a nice kid but his mum drops him off outside my house at 7.30. I don't know her, never spoken to her.

At 7.30 we are just getting out of bed.

A few mornings I've told my son to tell him to come back at 8am if he wants to walk to school with him but he came back 10/minutes later.

This morning I let him in because there was a rainstorm.
And now he's back. Walked home from school with DS and asked if he could come in. I reluctantly said OK and then he asks if he can stay till 5pm Hmm

He has done this previously and asked if we 'have any food'.

I know it's not MY responsibility but i feel bad that this poor kid is being booted out at 7.30am till 5 on school days rain or shine.

But I don't want him here tbh. I've 4 kids of my own.

I know you're gonna say grow a backbone but I'm terribly british about these things and have bad anxiety and am crap at confrontation. Plus...the guilt! :(

OP posts:
alibongo5 · 11/09/2017 17:55

Go see him now, ask if he has a key to his house or if there's a grown up in at home. If the answer to either of those is 'yes', then you know that his parents are just expecting him to get himself to /from school. You say that he needs to leave in about 15 minutes as you've got to do the little one's dinner and don't have enough for guests.

When he leaves, tell him that you don't get up as early as his family do, so you don't want any friends round before school/before 8.

Exactly this! It doesn't have to be a big thing and you don't have to involve the parents. Just say firmly what you want/don't want.

StereophonicallyChallenged · 11/09/2017 17:56

You just need to speak to your ds is all Confused They are year 8, not babies!!

My house is closest to the bus stop so I do know what it's like and it can get annoying if it's all the time for years-end years

CorbynsBumFlannel · 11/09/2017 18:07

The op has already told the kid not to come before 8 and he came back at 7:40 so to all saying just tell him she has!

Sienna333 · 11/09/2017 18:19

OP, I would go with the text idea. It's an awkward situation but at the end of the day, it is your house and you shouldn't have to feel you have to accommodate/feed another child.

Original poster
VivaNoLikey · 11/09/2017 18:59

Yep. I do get up at 7.30. Why is that an issue? My kids were late to school once last year and that was the one day we decided to get a taxi because it was pissing it down so obviously 7.30 isn't too late for us.

I already did tell him not to come till 8am and he still cones earlier.

I have told DS that I don't want him there in the mornings, a message he has passed into this boy but he just doesn't get the message and still turns up.

And I'm pretty sure them mum IS dropping him off at mine because she pulls up at my gate every morning in her car and school is a 20 min walk away.

OP posts:
Original poster
VivaNoLikey · 11/09/2017 19:00

I'm going to get DS to text him now. Along the lines of
' I'm walking to school at 8am. If you wanna walk with me can you come at 8? Not before cause everyone is busy getting dressed and stuff'

OP posts:
Katedotness1963 · 11/09/2017 19:06

Poor kid, I feel badly for him, so big, soft, me would let him in. Get him to help in the morning and give him a glass of juice, and give him tea and toast and room to do his homework in the afternoon. He's home by five, I never start the tea before then.

I wish we were still in bed at 7:30, my boys get the bus at 7 so we have to get up at 6...Sad

BhajiAllTheWay · 11/09/2017 19:12

So many cheeky folk...I'd be waiting for her at the gateGrin..and one thing about the "dump and run" brigade is that the favour is never reciprocated. I had to block one parent as I found myself regularly minding her daughter and picking her up as mum was " so busy at work". Except fb was full of her going out! Nip it in the bud OP.

fc301 · 11/09/2017 19:13

I used to do this ... for £6 per hour per child as a childminder. Parent is taking the piss / exploiting your good nature.

Gemini69 · 11/09/2017 19:15

it's a shame the onus has to be put on your DS to sort this... it's not his fault either... and may affect friendships

JonSnowsWife · 11/09/2017 19:16

I had someone do this with me but in primary school. She'd watch and wait for my door to open then send her DC running over to 'catch up with us' whilst she waved from the door in her dressing gown. She was gutted we moved the DCs schools! Grin (not for that I must add!).

To be fair OP. They do pop in with their mates and that all the time at that age. My niece and nephew have often popped in with their friends who I haven't known before. I think the spare portion thing is a good excuse. When it comes to wishing up time, kindly kick him out and tell him you don't have any spare for him. He'll soon get the message.

hairymaryquitecontrary · 11/09/2017 19:18

I think this is quite normal at this age

It really isn't it the slightest bit normal, or acceptable.

Original poster
VivaNoLikey · 11/09/2017 19:27

A child popping in every so often I wouldn't mind. But the same child knocking every morning at 7.30am and staying from 3.45 to 5pm is annoying.

I don't have my kids at the weekend as it is so I feel like my time with them is being impeded.

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 11/09/2017 19:28

know you're gonna say grow a backbone but I'm terribly british about these things and have bad anxiety and am crap at confrontation. Plus...the guilt!

Ffs! YOU are the adult here and YOU should be dealing with this!
SPEAK to his parents!

I bet that kid is feeling a hell of a lot worser than you - you're not the one who has to wander around like you're homeless or have to 'beg' for food.
You can always report it to his teachers/year head and let them talk to his mother.

I don't believe for one second that you're so chicken shit that you can't deal with this like an adult, a parent.

Ttbb · 11/09/2017 19:35

For all you know his mother may be under the impression that you agree. Take him aside one day and ask why he is always at your house. Ask him where his parents are, whether he has a key, whether there is food for him at home etc. If he isjiatdoingit by choice tell him that he won't be allowed from now on. If on the other hand itoshis parents doing then tell them that you will call SS for abandonment next time it happens and notify the school of potential abuse.

Jux · 11/09/2017 19:36

He'll turn up tomorrow despite the text, because his mum will still just dump him there. It suits her and she has no consequences, it's only the poor lad who has to face those.

She knows someone willl let him in.

MadMags · 11/09/2017 20:23

I really think you should go to the mother directly. This is not the type of thing 12 year olds should be sorting out!

BeachyKeen · 11/09/2017 20:46

Ttbb, it's bad enough his parent isn't doing the right thing, but how is it fair on a 12 yo to have to make excuses and explain his parents bad choices?
This is a parent to parent situation. Be at the door when she arrives and ask to have a quick word. Explain that while you don't mind an occasional visit, mornings aren't the time for it, and not 5 afternoons a week either.

Leeds2 · 11/09/2017 20:58

If he knocks, I am afraid that I wouldn't answer the door, at all, until 8.

TheMythOfFingerprints · 11/09/2017 21:05

Can't you get up earlier tomorrow and speak to his mum?

Just tell her that you are unable to look after her child as you have 4 of your own.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 11/09/2017 21:13

The mum is a CF and is clearly trying it on by dropping him to your gate every day. If your son's message doesn't work, I'd contact her and tell her you aren't having any children calling in the mornings because you are busy getting ready. Wrt afternoons , tell your DS he can't bring his friend back!

Bettydownthehall · 11/09/2017 21:14

My guess is his mum leaves at 7:20 so he can either walk to school from his a bit later or get a lift to yours which he has probably told him mum is fine.

Coconutspongexo · 11/09/2017 21:24

I actually think this might be the mum, I don't think he has a key. I feel a bit sorry for him to be honest but I completely understand how uncomfortable it must be for you OP it would do my head in too.

I'd ask him if he has a key if he says no, I'd speak to his mother and say I'm not a childminding service.

mummymummums · 11/09/2017 22:09

You've asked him not to knock before 8, but he still does. Whilst I feel sorry for him, he's old enough for you to say "I have asked you not to come before 8, so please stop ignoring me." And shut door.
I'd hate someone else's child in my house just after I've got up - I am not a morning person and just want to slob about for a while!

Jux · 12/09/2017 00:24

Does he have anything he can check the time with, though? No point telling "not before 8" as 10 minutes waiting on your own, that early, possibly cold, will seem like hours.

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