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Original poster

Another 'kid dropping off thread'

148 replies

VivaNoLikey · 11/09/2017 16:08

My DS is in yr8 highschool. Last year this happened a few times but since they restarted its been every day.

His friend is a nice kid but his mum drops him off outside my house at 7.30. I don't know her, never spoken to her.

At 7.30 we are just getting out of bed.

A few mornings I've told my son to tell him to come back at 8am if he wants to walk to school with him but he came back 10/minutes later.

This morning I let him in because there was a rainstorm.
And now he's back. Walked home from school with DS and asked if he could come in. I reluctantly said OK and then he asks if he can stay till 5pm Hmm

He has done this previously and asked if we 'have any food'.

I know it's not MY responsibility but i feel bad that this poor kid is being booted out at 7.30am till 5 on school days rain or shine.

But I don't want him here tbh. I've 4 kids of my own.

I know you're gonna say grow a backbone but I'm terribly british about these things and have bad anxiety and am crap at confrontation. Plus...the guilt! :(

OP posts:
Oly5 · 11/09/2017 16:33

Poor kid.
I would be fine with this but can understand why you're not.
I'd tell him straight - you need to come at 8am.
It's harder to stop them dropping in after school though. You want your kid to be able to bring friends home
Right?
Otherwise your kid may well disappear on you

gingergenius · 11/09/2017 16:33

That's sad. Not all kids are like this at year 8 - mine aren't/weren't and if I have to work early/late they have a key/instructions/chores to do when the get in. Randomly expecting to go round someone else's house every day would be an issue for me too. Not because I'd resent the kid, but I'd be annoyed at the piss-taking and apparently less than concerned attitude of the parent.

Get the mum's mobile number and drop her a text asking what it's all about.

Poor kid - he's still only 12/13 - that's still young!

kittybiscuits · 11/09/2017 16:36

Don't ask her what it's all about. Just tell her not to drop him at your house any more and that after school at your house is not possible either. I would also consider notifying school.

Alpacaandgo · 11/09/2017 16:39

Perhaps your son has said it was fine. It really wouldn't bother me, we are up about 7ish, everyone getting ready. If this was regular I'd send him to DS room if you dont want him in the lounge.

And if he was there after school I wouldn't have a problem as long as my ds was ok with it and wanted him there. I'd probably feed him too. I cook for 6 anyway, so one more really wouldn't make much difference. We dont eat at 5 though, thats really early. Do you really eat at 5?

BabsGanoush · 11/09/2017 16:44

We had this a few years ago. DD's friend** would be at the door at 8.15 or earlier every morning. We didn't know her well and, like most, I run about semi dressed at that time. We said she was welcome anytime after 8.30 and she replied that she could only come at that time as her parents dropped her of at the at time on their way to work. DD arranged to meet in school instead.

**Friend - as in buggered off with other kids once she was in school, it was just convenient as we lived near the school.

paganmolloy · 11/09/2017 16:47

This has happened to me, when the boy across the road would appear 15 minutes before they were due to walk to school. I don't mind at all being asked previously by the parent in an emergency, but he just wanted to come across and hang out with DS before school. This annoyed me because it spoiled our routine and ended up me nagging DS to pack bag, get shoes on etc. I fixed it by just telling the boy straight that unless it was an emergency or prearranged, that he shouldn't come over before X time, as we're all still in our morning routine. No other explanation required.

RachelP247 · 11/09/2017 16:55

I fell into this trap last year (year 6) - we haven't been in the area long and I was trying to encourage the making of friends for my son... this one boy was at our house from 8 in the morning and then again till 7:30 at night after school - he got breakfast and dinner out of me...

I know that his mum had a baby and toddler at home so this was clearly the reason he didn't want to be there but not my problem... Luckily this boy was also very fcking stupid and was actually caught out bullying my DS at school one day and the teacher called me up....

Sufficed to say the next morning when this brat had the cheek to fcking knock on my door he got what for. Problem solved.

TheOldCow · 11/09/2017 16:57

You are making a mountain out of a molehill. Next time you see him explain that he can't come in the house in the mornings and can only stay however long you don't mind him staying in the evening. It's not complicated! If you don't want him there at all in the evening then tell him that you are busy and don't want visitors.

If he asks for food just say that you are sorry but you haven't cooked enough to go around and that you don't let anyone have snacks.

You don't have to be mean or rude to him but you do need to tell him.
I wouldn't dream of involving the Mum.

coffeekittens · 11/09/2017 17:07

I wouldn't have a problem with this tbh but I can understand why you do.

My guess is that the boys have arranged it amongst themselves and this 12/13 year old has no idea that he's not welcome in your house. Only in the land of mumsnet have I heard of mothers being so damn cheeky.

My mum went through this with one of my sisters, my mum WFH and has a nanny so people just assumed that she was a before and after-school club, mum and nanny started charging and made a profit on their presence & having friends kept the kids out of the way and reasonably well behaved Smile

expatinscotland · 11/09/2017 17:10

Grow a spine and nip this in the bud using any of the myriad of suggestions given. I wouldn't be able to afford to feed another mouth dinner every night so right there, I'd have to say something. I'm NOT a morning person so again, that would be nipped in the bud, too.

Whinesalot · 11/09/2017 17:11

You don't need to involve mum at this age. That would be weird. Just tell him not to come before 8 am or whatever and then keep telling him to come back as 8 I'd he is early.

SisterhoodisPowerful · 11/09/2017 17:13

If your son said it was ok, you need to speak to him. If he didn't, then you need contact details for the parent.

I had a similar situation, only refusing to let the child in the house stopped the piss taking. Happy to have kids over after school but not first thing in the morning or for dinner every night. It's not just sustainable.

honeylulu · 11/09/2017 17:15

I think you just need to tell him firmly and factually what the position is and, if you're willing to have him round at all, what the terms are. I bet he has told his mum it's all sorted with your DS and fine with you.
We both work full time and I'm ashamed to say once my son was at secondary he started doing this with his friend who lived round the corner - would go and hang around their house until it was time for school. When I twigged I messaged the mum (boys had been best friends in final year of primary) and encouraged her to tell him to hoppit whenever she needed / wanted to. She actually said he was always welcome (one of those perpetually sunny people). But the friend actually got sick of it (my son is lovely but being investigated for HF ASD and had no idea how intense he seems to others) and their friendship never really recovered.

My point is, if the parents are at work, they have limited control over the finer details of the 12 year old child's journey to school.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 11/09/2017 17:21

You have 4 kids and are just getting out of bed at 7.30?

Brakebackcyclebot · 11/09/2017 17:23

Every morning, my DS's mates meet at my house to walk to school together. They arrive 7.45 onwards, and leave just after 8. I'm often making sandwiches in my pyjamas. They come in, say hello to me, make a fuss of the dog, and usually wait in the lounge for DS to finish in the bathroom and actually appear. I quite like the fact that I know who he's walking to school with. I don't care that I'm in my PJs.

However, none of them get dropped here half an hour before they need to leave, and they don't all come back again at 4. That's presumptuous!

lololove · 11/09/2017 17:35

I'm assuming if he's dropped off in the morning at a particular time and stays to a specific time that it sounds like he doesn't have a key to the house.

I didn't get one either until I was 18 - no amount of asking my parents changed it. It was especially cruel when I'd come home babysitting overnight at 9am in the morning on a Saturday and be locked out the house until my parents came back from days out. I'd have to sit in the front garden and wait or take myself into town as we lived 4 miles from school so no friends nearby and I really just wanted to shower and go bed anyway!

Thinking about it now (and writing it down) it's really fucking cruel! That poor kid! It definitely is worth a chat to his mum to see if there's anything similar going on or if she genuinley hasn't realised (sorry if already answered - only read page one so far)

lozzylizzy · 11/09/2017 17:38

You are actually a free breakfast club! Ring her and let her know its cheeky you can't have this everyday! Its hectic enough in a morning as it is isn't it!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 11/09/2017 17:40

Is the parent at least waiting for you to let him in before driving off?
If he comes before 8 I'd just say I didn't hear the door in future. The parent will have to find someone else's house their kid can hang around in for half an hour.

Jux · 11/09/2017 17:41

Why on earth should you provide free childcare? You don't even know the parents. Very cheeky of them.

I think "Not today" when you get to the door is probably sufficient.

KatosSlipper · 11/09/2017 17:45

You are being used as before and after school free childcare, his mum is a cheeky fucker and you need to stop this, I bet before long he'll be expecting all weekend sleepovers.

Ninabean17 · 11/09/2017 17:46

Does he knock or just stand there and hope you let him in? You can't keep doing this op, try and get the mums number

MadMags · 11/09/2017 17:46

Does he not have his own phone?

Either way, text the mum and say

"Hi X, just wondered if Y has a key to your house as he's been here at 7am every morning and has been coming back till 5? Just said I'd mention it to you in case he's forgetting his key to get in. I didn't mind today but obviously can't have it all the time, and we're not even awake at that hour of the morning."

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 11/09/2017 17:47

If he lives nearby and walks to school under his own steam; what makes you think she's "dropping him off" at your house?
Talk to him directly, don't involve the parents who probably have no idea he isn't welcome.

SaucyJack · 11/09/2017 17:49

I think it's a massive leap to assume he's locked out until 5 in all weathers TBH lololove. There's nothing in the OP to suggest that he can't get into his house after school.

My DD1 is Y8 btw. There's a big group of them who hang out in the park after school, and then go home at 5 for their dinner.

You could always send yours to the park OP, if he wants to be with his mate?

Changednamejustincase · 11/09/2017 17:53

I would answer the door and say 'sorry, DS can't come out now. He is getting ready for school' and then close the door.

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