Dh wants to go on a long haul trip alone

[Tortycat]

Dh wants to go on a long haul holiday to persue his hobby. He goes at least once per year since we've had children (3 and 6 months) - it used to be more. He went earlier this year but now wants to go again. I'm unhsppy about this as
A) it costs a lot of money which, whilst we can afford, could be spent on better things eg family holiday, maintenance to house etc
B) it leaves me on my own with the dc for 8 days (we have no family to help)
C) he then doesnt have enough annual leave for a week away for all of us before Xmas which we were hoping to have. Our holiday will end up more like a long weekend which clearly restricts our options. (Though we did have 2 weeks in the uk earlier this summer)

I dont usually have a problem with his trips but do this time as its the second one this year and for the reasons above. I havent been abroad since before pregnant with first dc, and only ever had 1 night away alone since eldest dc born.

Dh says he's entitled to his own spending money (we have £300-400 each per month to spend on ourselves, though this trip will need an 'advance'), and thinks he should be able to go away as i was the one who most wanted children and agreed he could carry on spending time on his hobby if we had them.

Wibu??

@Tortycat I think its great you've reached a decision you are both fine with.

I would emphasizes to him that the "you wanted the kids more and said I could do whatever" card needs to NEVER be played again. He needs to be done with that. It's really hateful, and eventually the kids will pick up on it / figure it out.

I think that most of the on the thread is because of that line of reasoning. When there is a conflict, he needs to stick to the present and to making sure that EVERYONE'S needs get met. Otherwise, his attitude toward the children will act like a cancer in your family, eating away at not only your marriage but also your children's emotional health.

You know he's going to 'forget' he agreed not to go on a solo trip next year, right?

Yes, he can spend 'his' spending money how he wants, but that doesn't mean he gets to dump all his responsibilities onto you whenever he feels like it. Those are two completely separate things. Make that clear.

And you might have wanted children first, but that's completely irrelevant. He either loves them as much as you do, or he doesn't. I'm sure he does. Ask him if you're wrong about that. YOu won't be... So he steps up and does his share of the parenting and care without whining and dumping on you whenever he feels like it.

Thoughtless bastard happy to piss off and leave you with the care of two young children so he can have fun. Again. ANd compounding the resentment, meaning you don't get a little family holiday, you just get all the extra grunt work at home. Fun times.

I'd possibly wonder aloud how much hobby spending money he thinks he'd have it you left him and he had to support two households...

The reactions are extreme because of what he said about the kids. Which warrants a pretty serious reaction.

I would cut to the chase and divorce him. It's obvious this is where you will end up.

Glad you're happier.

What's the hobby?

"You know he's going to 'forget' he agreed not to go on a solo trip next year, right"

I agree He is very likely to gaslight the OP.

I'd email him to confirm in writing tbh. 1. No holiday next year 2. he never again says you wanted the kids and I didn't or all bets are off. 3. You selecting holiday, taking your advance and in the future taking some holiday on your own whenever you like and his and family plans will adjust to suit. That is what you've agreed I hope.

I too think he'll renege on his promise not to have his hobby holiday next year.

Maybe get this moved to admissions or another section, seeing as ph47 and all the other knowledgeable admissions experts are now on board the thread?

Sorry. Wrong thread.

I can't see how anyone could possibly think you are being unreasonable OP. His behaviour is incredibly selfish. I'd be utterly mad at him if I were you.

He's being very selfish. He's a husband and a father not a single man and should be putting yours and child's needs first. Ask yourself If you turned the tables and went away on your own would he agree to it?

I am intrigued as to what the hobby is. Do tell OP!

Why don't you go on a holiday and leave him with the kids?