To get involved or just stay out of it?

[FannyTheFlamingo]

Sorry for the clumsy title! I'll try to keep this short and to the point.

Friend has recently had a baby. She is with the dad, but he is a waste of space. All 3 of them are living off her maternity pay. All they do is smoke weed, as they both did throughout the pregnancy.

I have no doubt that the baby is loved and properly fed, but they don't bath her and will not be immunising her. My friend would not make these kind of decisions if he wasn't influencing her.

They have been signed off by the midwife, who is aware of the weed smoking. The whole thing makes me feel so uncomfortable! But everything must be fine if they've been signed off. So do I just keep my beak out?? Friend has asked to borrow a considerable sum of money from me, but I really don't want to fund this lifestyle, especially when they're doing nothing to help themselves!

Neither a lender or a borrower be.

Decline the requuest for money. If you wanted youcould offer to helpby dropping home cookedmeals or washing up when you bob round. Realky though, you've spotted you could rnd up supporting their lifestyle.

Nope. Beak out. Don't lend money. Not a penny.

Report to social services as soon as there is something to report?

Surely smoking drugs around a newborn is a Ss issue? Sids risk also....

No money
watch like a hawk and be prepared to act if you are concerned
the fact they have been signed off by the midwife means nothing
they will now have to see the HV
I am sure they will have already been flagged up to the powers that be OP do not worry they are on their tails

I wouldn't lend money sounds like you wouldn't get it back.
I've just had a baby a few months ago and I only saw the health visitor twice I think before you get signed off, she doesn't come again till my baby is 12 months, I was quite surprised because when I had my first daughter in 2014 I'm sure they came a lot more. I just don't think they have the time now. It's sad really because they can be really helpful when your first home with a newborn

Op I think you have a duty to safeguard this child. Bad things happen when good people do nothing. Speak to nspcc, they will give you advice and if required will refer on to other agencies. Social services don't just remove children, they will work with the family to ensure they become the best parents they can including them having any benefits they are entitled to,
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-you-can-do/report-abuse/

Good luck

Sounds like you think your friend is under the control of her partner. I would expect a friend of mine to speak to me if they were concerned about something.

God No - don't lend them money you'll never get it back!

I'd jeepnout if it, it's not ideal about the weed but people do a lot worse around kids. No bathing - they will when they've pooped all over their bodies and vomitted in their hair - stinking babies are not fun

Immunisation are an optional choice. Smoking weed isn't ideal but no worse than smoking cigarettes around a baby which happens all the time. How do you know they NEVER bath the baby? I would personally need a bit more to go on before I started making accusations of neglect.

Fuck lending them money though!!!

How old is the baby? If she's just been signed off by the midwife then she can only be a couple of weeks old?

Lots of midwives advise not bathing til the stump falls off, or 2 weeks now. Not unusual. Topping and tailing is acceptable.

Immunisation is a personal thing, not a concern for SS. Same as Home Schooling. No-one is obliged to vaccinate their children. I personally think it's weird not to, but that's my own opinion. My SIL disagrees entirely.

The weed.... well it's very widespread, many parents smoke it when kids are in bed etc and you'd never know about it. Alone it's not a cause of concern for SS.

Keep your eyes open, but otherwise keep out. And don't lend them money. Just say you can't afford it.

I didn't bathe my babies for weeks, if not months. I just topped and tailed.

Don't lend them any money...not a penny now. You won't see it again.

Otherwise, beak out. x

The baby is 8 weeks old and she stinks!! No nice baby smell. She says she tops and tails but I don't think she does. I don't think that alone is a reason to get involved, but it is a bit gross.

The whole immunisation thing has come from her partner. She would immunise if he hadn't had any input. He harps on about how he's glad she had a natural birth because he wouldn't have allowed any intervention even in an emergency. I told him that my DD would've died without intervention! He's a twat.

They don't wait to smoke weed at night away from the baby, they smoke it all day. The smell of it makes me feel sick even if it's outside and they're smoking. The baby sleeps a lot and she's worried people will think it's because of passive weed smoking

I think you need to report now tbh.

The baby is going to end up with brain damage from the passive weed smoking if it's that bad! I know they have linked weed smoking in adolescence to increasing likelihood of developing serious mental health conditions.

And not worried enough not to smoke it during the pregnancy! She said she was honest with the midwife from the beginning and had regular growth scans. She mentioned something about a visit from SS, but I don't know if she did that to ensure nobody called them!

Oh my God how did they get signed off by a midwife. My heart goes out to that poor unloved uncared for child. And I don't care what anyone said, the baby is unloved if the parents are both smoking that much weed around them and not bathing them. Disgusting. I'd definitely repeatedly report them.

Oh and not immunising them. But that's another thread entirely.

Rule 1: do not lend her one penny piece.
Rule 2: if Rule 1 does not apply, apply Rule 1.

She smoked a muscle relaxant throughout pregnancy? That is spectacularly ignorant of the substances she is abusing.
Don't lend money and do raise your concerns for the sake of a baby that would benefit from being a significantly higher focus than drug addicts, be they chemical or habitual, can or want to provide.

For gods sake report!! What sort of life will that poor baby have with a couple of weed heads for parents?? Report anonymous tomorrow, please.

How do you know that she was honest with the midwife about the weed smoking? Not sure you can trust her word and I think I would report it to be safe.

How are you going to say 'No, I'm not giving you the money'?

I often get pressurised/manipulated into lending/giving money. I'm better now but it is still hard when it's close friends or family. Have you got an excuse that you can use?