To get involved or just stay out of it?

[FannyTheFlamingo]

Sorry for the clumsy title! I'll try to keep this short and to the point.

Friend has recently had a baby. She is with the dad, but he is a waste of space. All 3 of them are living off her maternity pay. All they do is smoke weed, as they both did throughout the pregnancy.

I have no doubt that the baby is loved and properly fed, but they don't bath her and will not be immunising her. My friend would not make these kind of decisions if he wasn't influencing her.

They have been signed off by the midwife, who is aware of the weed smoking. The whole thing makes me feel so uncomfortable! But everything must be fine if they've been signed off. So do I just keep my beak out?? Friend has asked to borrow a considerable sum of money from me, but I really don't want to fund this lifestyle, especially when they're doing nothing to help themselves!

A tough one for you op. I think though that you need to follow your gut feeling which seems to be that there is a serious problem . I would advise that you contact the health visitor department. It may be that they are totally aware of the weed...but maybe not the extent od the problem. It may be the wake up call your friend needs to get away from the partner and tackle her addiction before things escalate further and the baby gets taken away. I'm sure you could do this anonymously and as you say others are aware, friend won't know it was you.

I forgot to mention she doesn't sterilise her bottles. Surely that's just basic common sense? I have my own baby and I'm trying not to just assume everything she does is wrong because it's not what I'd do!

Not sterilising bottles can kill the baby due to getting ill from the milk - think it's ecoli they can catch?

I'd count frequently asking for money among the red flags to report.

'Americans hardly sterilise bottles. There is rarely an issue.'

That's because they wash them in dishwashers, which sterilise them.

Why on Earth would you even consider handing money over to skunk addicts, OP? Are you daft? Don't give her a bean.

Report to SS. She's a skunk addict living with an abusive skunk addict. I doubt she disclosed FA to the midwife.

While you're dithering on what to do while picking through the obvious drug users on this thread who think weed is a-ok. Can you get your hands on that baby for a few hours. Yanno, offer to babysit to 'give her a break'? So she can be given a bath at least?

I sterilised everything with my first...... by the 4th meh lol.

These are not markers on their own.

She sounds like a flake, but nothing here is really ringing alarm bells.

Actually I googled it increases risks for lots of bacteria and viruses! It's about overall hygiene- if good hand washing, if bottles thoroughly washed, if formula made correctly yes risks are minimal.

Everything that op has said gives an overview which is (low level?) neglect. She only has word for it that she declared her weed use etc, she is relying on MW referral that could get lost in system etc.

What is the harm in anonymous reporting of all the flags and concerns to ensure the family are on the radar?

This is where I'm a bit conflicted - not sterilising, not bathing the baby, not immunising - these are things I disagree with but not really grounds to call SS as they are down to personal choice. It's the reasons why these choices are being made - a controlling partner and complete laziness due to being stoned all the time are distinct possibilities.

I agree with you Op - is baby actually cleaned properly at nappy times or is hideous nappy rash lurking? How is it going to pan out as baby sleeps less and needs more/different stimulation?

SS won't rush in and take baby away! You would hope being on SS radar would encourage your friend to step up?

Is she making bottles up correctly apart from not sterilizing? Are they regularly changing her nappy?

I'm going to guess there's a lot more going on than you know and I'd report them.

Also try to "babysit" for a few hours so you can bathe the poor little mite, she obviously needs one if she stinks. Don't worry about offending them, they probably won't even notice she no longer stinks.

They are stoned all the time.

If they were drunk all the time, would that be ok? There's not a lot of difference.

The baby still has some, erm, birth remnants on her and apparently she can't bring herself to wash it off. Now I know there's a lot of stuff that people do that I personally don't do, but isn't that a bit gross?!

That's probably why she stinks...

Some people do lotus birth not sure how long the placenta usually stays attached for!

Wouldn't be my cup of tea and I'm always amazed at how grubby babies manage to get. As she's 8 weeks that is s long time without any bath. I hated Bathing mine but did give them a good clean above and beyond top and tailing.

What an odd question Pengggwn....why wouldn't I be?

Americans hardly sterilise bottles. There is rarely an issue

They wash them in dishwashers, which sterilise them. If the mother won't wash the baby shes probably not washing the bottles properly either.

OP if you aren't going to report, pm me the details and I will. Somebody needs to.