To get involved or just stay out of it?

[FannyTheFlamingo]

Sorry for the clumsy title! I'll try to keep this short and to the point.

Friend has recently had a baby. She is with the dad, but he is a waste of space. All 3 of them are living off her maternity pay. All they do is smoke weed, as they both did throughout the pregnancy.

I have no doubt that the baby is loved and properly fed, but they don't bath her and will not be immunising her. My friend would not make these kind of decisions if he wasn't influencing her.

They have been signed off by the midwife, who is aware of the weed smoking. The whole thing makes me feel so uncomfortable! But everything must be fine if they've been signed off. So do I just keep my beak out?? Friend has asked to borrow a considerable sum of money from me, but I really don't want to fund this lifestyle, especially when they're doing nothing to help themselves!

They get hot enough to practically sterilse, if you use the right setting.

The point IS these parents are neglecting that baby!!!! All this bull about sterilizing is derailing the real issue which is drug use, potential abuse and neglect.

It means they get clean and heated enough that it's sufficient to safely make baby feeds with. Full sterilisation is not generally necessary.

I haven't drip fed at all! All the info is in the OP except the bottle sterilising, which I forgot when I wrote it. I'm not being catty at all. I disagree with most of her parenting choices, as I'm sure she disagrees with mine. She is my friend, but she can make her own choices, a baby cannot. How is it catty to say not bathing a baby for 2 months is gross?! FWIW she thinks I'm a terrible person for formula feeding...she's not being catty either.

I don't think we can look at someone who doesn't sterilise bottles and say 'bad parent

Of course not. But when you add "smokes weed around newborn, doesn't wash newborn, doesn't immunise", yes, you can say bad parent.

Can you define that for me? What is 'sufficient' about it?

I'm sure you can look it up if you are interested in specifics, but isn't is fairly self explanatory?

You didn't ask for specifically my opinion. The concept of the dishwasher being sufficient is not unique to me, rather it is common in entire countries. If you would like to see exactly what is cleaned and/or sterile at varying temperatures you can google that for yourself.

Ok just report to SS.If anything happened to that baby, you would never forgive yourself.

Doesn't immunise isn't bad parenting either. Certainly not in any sort of universally accepted sense of 'neglect'. If she is choosing not to immunise out of her concern for the child, she might be wrong, but it isn't neglectful in any way

Perhaps in your opinion, I find it neglectful. But she is choosing not to because her gimp boyfriend doesn't want to.

But why are you focusing on these peripherals instead of the smoking weed constantly around a newborn baby? Which, since you seem to need the obvious stated, means the parents are stoned out of their gourds looking after the baby.
If you don't think that is neglectful there is something wrong with you.

I'm not fecking google. You clearly have typing fingers.

@Pengggwn Yes she is expressing and using formula to top up. Hope that's cleared up your confusion.

My friend doesn't have a bloody washing machine anyway, so it's irrelevant.

@dustarr73 This is essentially the main point I think!

Of course report. You need to emphasise:

*Controlling partner is driving the choices of not vaccinating/ washing. Emphasise that you know these are not individual concerns in an otherwise well looked after baby but that the choices are not her own.

• drugs in the house being smoked constantly.. *leading to a level of neglect - not washing (and this isn't not washing with a good top and tail is it, it's not washing full stop because the baby smells.)

You need to phrase your report in those terms - controlling drug addict leading to low level neglect. DO NOT report it as a series of apparently minor items that can be ignored like not sterilising bottles. (We don't sterilise here either due to dishwashers and high quality tap water)

Poor kid.

I know exactly what I am talking about, thank you, and if you want personal opinions from people rather than details of widespread and accepted concepts you should say so.
And be less rude about it when you do so.

No, I would not be lending them any money.

I would definitely calling SS for advice. I don't know why the midewife would think it was acceptable?? Of course it isn't. Not washing a baby is neglect. No doubt in my mind about this.

If I thought talking to her would make a difference, I would encourage you to do so, but I can't think her friend will suddenly stop now just because you don't agree with it. The focus needs to be the baby.