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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask dc's dad not too feed them rubbish at the weekends?

107 replies

Lovemusic33 · 09/09/2017 14:46

Dc's (11 and 13) see there dad once a week on a Sunday for 5 hours. Their dad has a new partner, she doesn't drive so at the weekends she expects him to drive her around shopping etc.. so my dc's have to go along, they hate shopping so their dad buys them a McDonald's or fish and chips to shut them up (make the day more fun). Dc is starting to pile on the weight so I have cut out some of the rubbish from their diets, it's not easy as dc1 has a very limited diet. Their dad also takes them to buy sweets (big share bags of sweets). He never cooks for them unless it's a pizza he chucks in the oven, he just feeds them rubbish all day. Last Sunday they came home with doughnuts, sweets and they had been for a McDonald's.

I have sent him a message asking if he could cook them something tomorrow or provide them with something healthier than McDonald's. AIBU?

OP posts:

HelloSquirrels · 09/09/2017 14:49

Yabu. I very much doubt they're overweight just because of what their dad feeds them in the space of five hours once a week.

It's probably because he only sees them for five hours that he wants to treat them.

Sounds like you've more issues than just food here.

ChickenBhuna · 09/09/2017 14:50

They are gaining weight because of bad eating habits for 5 hours a week?

MrTrebus · 09/09/2017 14:50

YANBU but a dad that only sees his kids for 5 hours per week yet still puts his new partner before their needs...will probably ignore you as he clearly doesn't give a fuck.

spaghettiforhair · 09/09/2017 14:51

It's a tough one as their father he can feed them what he chooses when in his care I guess. But could you suggest it's due to worries about child's weight and you are making healthy options at home?

Also if he has them on a Sunday is there no way him and his partner can do the shopping on the Saturday so they kids aren't dragged along?

MrTrebus · 09/09/2017 14:51

Ooh interesting other people's views. Unless you insist he only sees them 5 hours a week then YANBU. But if you only let him have 5 hours a week then YABU.

TheStoic · 09/09/2017 14:52

If I only saw my kids for 5 hours a week, I would not be cooking.

You can ask, though, and hopefully he will take it on board.

PaintingByNumbers · 09/09/2017 14:52

Dont offload your responsibility, or indeed your childrens. The overweight is happening on your watch.

BackieJerkhart · 09/09/2017 14:52

You need to chill. It's once a week. As long as you are ensuring good food and plenty of exercise the rest of the week then no-one should be putting on weight.

MrTrebus · 09/09/2017 14:52

Sorry made no sense. Should read if he insists only 5 hours then YANBU.

HelloSquirrels · 09/09/2017 14:54

YANBU but a dad that only sees his kids for 5 hours per week yet still puts his new partner before their needs...will probably ignore you as he clearly doesn't give a fuck

Except for that you have no idea about the circumstances surrounding why he only has them. He's hardly putting his partner before them by doing the food shop ffs.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 09/09/2017 14:54

I don't think yabu.
I'd hate my kids to have that much junk in 5 hrs every week, especially if you're trying to get them to eat healthier due to weight gain.

Is he likely to listen though? Have you told him why?

saoirse31 · 09/09/2017 14:55

If they're only with him for five hours then, their weight gain is not caused by that. Mightn't help, but its not the main cause.

Original poster

Lovemusic33 · 09/09/2017 14:56

Did I say they were gaining weight because of 5 hours a week he spends with them? I said I had cut the rubbish out at home so obviously the problem was at home too, I would just like him to be more supportive by doing the same.

My dd1 has health issue meaning weight gain could effect her health. My dc's are fed up of being dragged around the shops every Sunday with his partner, he just feeds them the fast food to stop them complaining.

It's his choice to only see them for 5 hours, sometimes he calls me and asks to bring them home early because they are fed up. Yes, it's not just the food issue it's his lack of parenting.

My dd1 has major issues around food, she has Aspergers and also has problems with her bones (which is why gaining weight could make things worse), I am trying hard to change her very limited diet but it's not easy.

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 09/09/2017 14:57

I think it's fair enough to ask but if he says no you can't do much. If they're getting all those treats on a Sunday it then puts pressure on you to make them eat healthily rest of the time so you don't get to also treat them.
He can still take them out to healthier places or cook easy healthy dinners

arethereanyleftatall · 09/09/2017 14:57

It depends what you're feeding them.

Lovingmybear2 · 09/09/2017 14:58

Na 5 hours a week and you want him to spend time cooking in the kitchen?

A balanced diet and lots of excersise is the key.

To be honest the walking and shopping would be much better than sitting down eating a healthy meal.

You need to walk kids.

Original poster

Lovemusic33 · 09/09/2017 14:59

Hello he works 4 days a week, he lives close by but chooses not to see them, he had them 2 extra days over the whole 7 weeks they were on summer holiday, both those days he took them shopping and to McDonalds .He hasn't taken them anywhere else all summer apart from a park near their house.

OP posts:

saoirse31 · 09/09/2017 14:59

I really think healthy eating and cooking should be compulsory for all kids in school, impractical I know but necessary.

Or maybe just sports, looking at Ds and friends now aged 17 to 18, its the ones who spend a few hours a week playing sports, who eat the healthiest and none of whom are overweight...

Anyway irrelevant to thread, sorry, but if they're not already, I'd try and get ur DC into sports, any kind.

Liadain · 09/09/2017 14:59

He has them for five hours on one day, it isn't just that time that's making them gain weight.

Yanbu to ask politely, yabu to expect him to do it. His kids, his time, his rules. Hopefully he'll take it on board though.

cloudchasing · 09/09/2017 15:01

I understand the point you're trying to make, but it's really annoyed me that you've tried to blame his new partner in some way - it's hardly her fault!

Domestic chores still have to be done when the kids are there unfortunately, or did 69u expect that they would be at the fair or the seaside every Sunday?

cloudchasing · 09/09/2017 15:01

69u? No idea where that came from.

InDubiousBattle · 09/09/2017 15:02

Your dc aren't overweight because of having one mac Donalds a week and some donuts-it's a small percentage of their weeks meals.

Waffles80 · 09/09/2017 15:03

That's quite a big drip feed.

Original poster

Lovemusic33 · 09/09/2017 15:05

I get to look like the mean one for trying to feed them healthy food all week. There are healthier options available that he can feed them, he could feed them subway or a sandwich as I'm happy to cook for them when they get home. They only go shopping for a couple hours, the rest of the time they sit and watch to whilst feeding the dc's biscuits, doughnuts and sweets. Dd1 says they don't have any fruit in the house.

I like to treat them sometimes but I don't get to do it as it's no longer a treat when they do it every weekend. Yes, they have eaten way too much rubbish over the summer holidays and it needs to stop. I have stopped buying any chocolate, crisps or cake and it has been replaced with fruit. My dd's are not hugely overweight but DD1 has gained quite a lot and because she is unable to exercise much (due to pain) she's not going to lose weight easily.

OP posts:

DamnFineCherryPie · 09/09/2017 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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