To by upset that my husband pressured me to give him a handjob

[onecrazycook]

This morning my husband wanted sex. I've been feeling under the weather this week and just was not in the mood. It's super rare that I turn him down, but I'm just not feeling it today.

He basically got really huffy about it and demanded I give him a handjob instead, which I was also obviously not in the mood for. I said no, but this caused to to accuse my of not loving him and "not wanting to do husband and wife things" and I ended up doing it to save the argument. When it was over I was in tears and he can't understand why I was upset.

I've just let it blow over because I don't want to fight with him.

AIBU?

I'm ok. I've driven down to visit my sister and will stay tonight. I've told him that what happened was entirely unacceptable and I could tell by his face that he already knew it.
He said that he didn't realise that I had felt forced at the time until I was obviously upset. He's been very quiet and guilty looking up until I left.
I'm still pretty tearful but that's more to do with a lot of the responses here that have made me think of my husband in a very different way.

Take your time to process it OP. Sounds like you're learning a different side to him that doesn't tally up with the man you thought you knew. I'll bet there are instances in the past that you're now looking at through different eyes.

OP enjoy your evening with your Sister... try to relax and give yourself a bit of breathing space

Pinky
The thing is, we rarely come in a forum like this to praise our OH's when they're the regular men we live with every day. The guys we love and married for it. We write on here when they've done something upsetting so people just tend to think that the partner spoken of in a post like this must be an all round Dick.
Sometimes all of our partners act like knobheads, but for the most part mine is a good and loving husband. Today's behaviour was so far out of character that it left me completely shellshocked.
I do need to have space this evening for that reason and I'm sure after the conversation this afternoon there won't be a repeat of this. But I won't allow it again. I promise.

Well it can be very frustrating when the woman isn't feeling up to it or has gone off the boil and in such instances there nothing he couldn't have done like a hand job on HIMSELF whilst whispering sweetening nothings in you ear over how good you normally are to him which would have made him feel OK and got rid of the tension, and it would have made you feel better too but because of his actions its now gone totally the other way.

So sad and it need not have happened:(

I agree about women coming on here to vent about their partners who are probably more often than not decent men. The problem is men like your husband who are in the minority and aren't decent people. You shouldn't have to feel like you have today, you are worth so much more.

just
A man cant go one morning without sex cos its too frustrating? Wtf?

OP was not feeling well, in what universe would her oh wanking beside her telling her how good she Usually is to him I.e. but not right now cos I am having to do this myself, make her feel Good about herself?
When you feel ill you just want to be left alone to rest not witness someone pleasuring themselves beside you.

Her ability to normally be keen on sex with her oh when she doesn't feel ill is not the measure of how 'good' she is.

Nutty

Nuttyno- she did say no, her DH then proceeded to coerce her into it anyway. Please read the OP.

OP- I hope you are okay. This isn't your fault, and I'm sorry if it's upsetting but this is abusive behaviour on his part. Take some time to process it while you're at your sisters before you decide what to do next.

Nutty there are many ways of somebody indicating that they don't wish to have sex. Saying no is only one of them.

Hope you are doing ok. I feel upset for you and wish I could give you a hug. Please keep us updated so we know how you are.

Nutty why didn't you read my post in full before chipping in?

I'm ok guys. I've had a few wines and I'm getting ready for bed. DH he's text me several times apologising. I'm letting him stew for now

I wish people would get the memo that enthusiastic consent is required for any sexual act. DH wanking beside me while muttering to me would also require my consent. If you don't think it does, I hope you're happy for a random stranger to do it to you.

Enthusiastic consent. Not 'not saying no' but indicating an enthusiastic yes.

X-posted. I hope you sleep well.

Op I'm so sorry for you. It's soul destroying when you realise that someone you love could treat you in such a demeaning and vile way.
Please do NOT stand for that behaviour.
I'm glad you've got some head space for tonight.

It's not acceptable

It's also not a blip in otherwise good husband behaviour. It's not acceptable ever. At all. Previous "good" behaviour doesn't excuse it.

In my mind I would divorce him.

Christ Shoxfordian. The divorce courts would have to work 24/7 if we all got divorced every time a partner did something beyond the realms of acceptable. I would have been married and divorced about thirty tptimes if I lived by your unaimaginably high standards. The OP lives her hubby, he has made a mistake, I don't suppose he will do it again, she wing let him. They will move on and their marriage survives. Isn't a living relationship supposed to involve forgiveness and a willing to accept blame and learn from your mistakes? Not much forgiveness in your house is there if you would divorce over something out of character. It's not like he has beaten the shit out of her, and poured acid on her face after shagging her mother and sister its it???

OP- I hope you get a good nights sleep. Tomorrow is another day. Tonight will probably be a long night for your hubby, he will not do this again and you can forgive him. Making a life together is all about accepting that someone isn't perfect and people do make mistakes- and I'm sure we are all aware that men make lots of mistakes when their cock comes into the equation as their brain seems to shrink to the size of a pea!!!!!

Not when the mistakes involve' hubby' having no respect.

My dh did something similar a couple of times. We're still together but I've never felt the same and I imagine we'll split up eventually. I have lost all respect and affection for him because of it

yorkshire I'm sorry that you've meet such disrespectful men that have lowered your standards.

met obs.

Mytilini - we do NOT have to do things we don't want to for love if it means being pressured into sex that we don't want. Your attitude is part of the problem, I'm afraid.