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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New ish boyfriend - masonic lodge - weird?

353 replies

Creambun2 · 08/09/2017 17:17

Have been seeing a guy for just over three months now, all going well, seems a "normal" person (important for me after some awful relationships). However, this guy is part of masonic lodge and is asking me to come to some "ladies" night - sounds like some do from the 1930s or something.

AIBU to think this is a bit weird? He is in his early 30s. The only knowledge of the masonic world I have is that they used to deliver my grandmother a Christmas hamper every year after my grandfather died.

Why would a young bloke want to mess around in aprons doing "rituals" with loads of probably older men?! Is he going to suggest sex with aprons and gloves next Grin

Anyone got any experience of this or been to one of these ladies nights ever?

OP posts:
GrapesAreMyJam · 09/09/2017 11:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Dionysuss · 09/09/2017 11:19

My stepdad is a mason. He made a big show of telling me he would get a good deal on carpets for a new house, as someone in his lodge works at a carpet shop.

My mum loves the ladies nights, a weekend away and getting dressed up for dinner on the Saturday night. Sadly though she's the type that thinks men are men and women cook and clean Hmm. My sister went to one and thought it was weird.

I didn't get any money off of my carpets.

GrapesAreMyJam · 09/09/2017 11:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

BoysofMelody · 09/09/2017 11:32

Do enlighten us. Why do Freemasons wear white gloves and aprons during their meetings?

I believe we would all love to hear these hilariously stupid reasons.

As I said, I am not ignorant of the symbolism behind freemasonry and know fine well what they signify (and even if I didn't I could Google it in five seconds flat) so playing freemasonry pub quiz with you is a waste of both of our time.

You seem to struggle that people can be in possession of the same information as you and come to a wholly different conclusion. You reason and argue like a child.

SylviaPoe · 09/09/2017 11:51

I am totally opposed to the masons as well. They've been involved in so much corruption, especially with the police and legal system.

They don't have to be high up to have impact on a local police force.

There is no way I'd associate with anyone in the Masons.

CoteDAzur · 09/09/2017 11:53

Boys - You said that you know why Freemasons wear aprons and white gloves during their meetings, and that you find them stupid.

Tell us. What are these stupid reasons?

OuiNonOui · 09/09/2017 11:54

A very weird and corrupt organisation which is completely and exclusively white, heterosexual and male. Avoid.

Complete BS. DD's grandfather is a mason and he's Ghanaian.

Maskoff · 09/09/2017 11:54

My ex was one it's just a group who discuss business basically not like Scientology

Maskoff · 09/09/2017 11:55

My ex was black so is his father. Race and age doesn't matter but women can't join the male one and males can't join the women one.

BoysofMelody · 09/09/2017 12:25

Boys - You said that you know why Freemasons wear aprons and white gloves during their meetings, and that you find them stupid.

Tell us. What are these stupid reasons?

I didn't say that the reasons or symbolism, behind them were stupid, I said they looked stupid and quite frankly the idea of middle getting dressed up in costumes is stupid.

I could stick a pair of my maiden aunt Gertrude's bloomers on my head and say it shows my solidarity with older women, a noble sentiment in itself, but would stop me looking like an absolute prize plum.

But if you want to talk symbolism, the fact that significant numbers of masons have singularly failed to live up to the ideals behind the garb, makes it even more absurd.

worridmum · 09/09/2017 13:09

So is the WI corrupt because its a woman only institution? The opprate in the exact same way execpt its woman only....

WinnieTheMe · 09/09/2017 13:12

I work for a charity and have gone to one of their ladies nights as a charity rep to be presented with a cheque. It wasn't all white and they were all very nice.

I don't know much more, but I do know the money they raised made a big difference to a really good cause.

FlyingGiraffeBox · 09/09/2017 13:13

People who get dressed up in ridiculous costumes:

Masons
Actors
Historical re-enactment societies
Am-drams
Children's party entertainers
Religious leaders
Disney employees
Football mascots
Cosplayers
Royalty
Hen/stag parties
Charity collectors
Rag week students
Judges/barristers
Hospital clowns

Would you automatically avoid all these people because they sometimes dress up a bit daft? Or do you get to pick and choose whichever reasons are valid?

Freemasons are just people. Some of them are good, and use their membership of the organisation to socialise and raise a bit of money for charity. Others will be nasty pieces of work who use their membership of the organisation for corruption and manipulation. Just like every other large organisation that exists and ever has done.

The fact that they looked stupid and quite frankly the idea of middle (sic) getting dressed up in costumes is stupid is hardly criminal, not a reason to denigrate a person and sounds like something an 8 year old would write (I'm not hanging out with THEM! They dress REALLY STUPID!)

SisyphusHadItEasy · 09/09/2017 13:19

The freemasons helped us to pay for our daughter's wheelchair.

Any fundraising events they host, we don't hesitate to attend and thank them.

FineSally · 09/09/2017 13:22

so much prejudice and ignorance on this thread its breathtaking.

As others have already said, you find twats, slimy bigoted idiots and corrupt people in all walks of life, not just the masons. There are lots of Old Boys Clubs, in many different guises - why are the masons regarded as something evil?

Charitable giving. Yes, some of the charities are primarily for the benefit of masons - they have boarding schools where children may get a good education after their parent has died. They run care homes where elderly masons or their family members can have a decent standard of care in their twilight years. They support anyone in difficulty. They have just paid for one of my husband's friends to have a stairlift installed. Why shouldn't they look after their own first & foremost? But they award more money to non-masonic causes.

They do support a lot of smaller charities in their own areas. In my area they are the chief fundraiser for a local hospice. They support many smaller charities that would otherwise struggle for funds, because they can't afford to advertise to the extent the larger ones do. One local masonic hall (houses several different lodges) regularly hosts social evenings to raise money for local charities.

as an example, look at these: mcf.org.uk/vote/
and www.freemasonrytoday.com/freemasonry-cares/the-grand-charity

There is a lot of info out there if you want to google, as a start I'd suggest looking at mcf.org.uk/

My DH is a mason, and personally I'd rather he was out with a group of similarly-aged men doing silly rituals, than sitting in a pub getting pissed. What many people don't realise is that one of the aims of a freemason is self-improvement, and he has learned a lot (for instance about historical events mentioned in the Bible) by researching around some of the ritual.

He's in lodges in 2 different provinces. Mostly the formal Ladies Evenings have been ditched in favour of much more informal social evenings, where non-masons are just as welcome, and there are no patronising speeches.

In one province I think its fair to say freemasonry is in its decline, with few members under 50. Mostly these are white, middle-class heterosexual Christians, but there are a good number of Jewish brethren (and indeed there are some predominantly Jewish lodges). It's perhaps this age group who are the most likely to be accused of bigoted, misogynistic attitudes - but isn't this typical of that demographic as a whole, not specifically freemasons?

In the other province, his lodge has a good number of younger members, and I'd say these were mainly of non-British origin, and a fair number are Muslim. There are lodges all over the world, and being a freemason is a good way to make friends if you find yourself somewhere you don't know anyone.

CoteDAzur · 09/09/2017 13:32

"I said they looked stupid and quite frankly the idea of middle getting dressed up in costumes is stupid."

Looked stupid? Oh your learned criticism of Freemasonry contains penetrating insight Hmm

And you dare say I "reason and argue like a child" Smile

I'm not interested in talking about who "looks stupid" but I'll be here when you decide to read and learn a bit and want to talk about what Freemasonry is actually about.

Until then...

BoysofMelody · 09/09/2017 13:39

I'm not interested in talking about who "looks stupid" but I'll be here when you decide to read and learn a bit and want to talk about what Freemasonry is actually about.

For the third time, I am not unfamiliar with masonic rituals and symbolism. I happen to disagree with you. If have clearly looked at it with a more critical eye than you (and why wouldn't you be more kindly disposed to them as a relative of a mason who has been the recipient of masonic 'charitble' endeavour)

What you are asking is to consume Masonic material uncritically.

I see no point in continuing this debate with you, as our views are polls apart.

worridmum · 09/09/2017 13:42

how about judges nd barristers they dress up and look stupid with there robes and silly wigs?

How about reliogous outfits? arnt they all outdated and stupid too? or native american or Africain tribal cloths they look stupid too right?

Oh wait its culture and you bloody well should not judge other peoples culture because it doesnt suit you? or with your preconsived modern norms...

BoysofMelody · 09/09/2017 13:50

I see no need for advocates and judges to get dressed up in outmoded garb to do their job, no.

Littlecaf · 09/09/2017 13:59

I'm a bit confused about the comparison with the WI & Girl Guiding.

Neither have secret memberships nor meetings which others are barred from.

Also there's a massive difference between Guiding and the Freemasons........

Girl Guiding is for children.

FlyingGiraffeBox · 09/09/2017 14:04

Boys are you familiar with the idea of 'show don't tell'? For example, maybe actually demonstrate this extensive knowledge of Freemasonry you have that has led to your opinion rather than tell us how clever you are whilst stating nothing actually informative?

BoysofMelody · 09/09/2017 14:07

Flying

Where did I say I was an expert? And what do you want? A thesis on the history and ritual symbolism attached to Freemasonry across the world?

What would that prove other than I can use Google?

reetgood · 09/09/2017 14:11

@littlecaf I don't know anything about masons (so am reading this thread with nosy interest) but the wi do have women only meetings. Social events and workshops are open to all, meetings are women only.

BoysofMelody · 09/09/2017 14:16

Bit if you want to get to brass tacks, the silliness (or otherwise) of grown men playing dress up,it was Cote who gave me the third degree over that (pun intended) I know what the symbolism of the gloves and lambskin apron means (clean hands and pure heart) it is more significant that the set up of the organisation makes either difficult and plenty of brothers have proved themselves to be anything but.

It is a side issue to the pernicious impact a society with secrets and an ethos of mutual aid, can and has corrupt, bit it makes the symbolism even more absurd.

CoteDAzur · 09/09/2017 14:16

"I am not unfamiliar with masonic rituals and symbolism. I happen to disagree with you."

Without meaning to hurt your feelings, you don't seem to know anything at all about Freemasonry, its history, rituals, and symbols. "Looks stupid" isn't knowledge or criticism. That sort of commentary actually looks stupid but I expect that irony to be lost on you.

"If have clearly looked at it with a more critical eye than you"

Really. What exactly have you looked at, and what insights have you gained from this "critical eye"?

If you actually have some knowledge or insight, this would be the time to share it. Otherwise, your claim to know oh so much isn't really looking very credible from where I sit.