To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

I spoke to my teens tonight and they told me that at secondary school it's a given that you don't hit a girl and that if you did you would get beaten up (by boys) work that one out!!!!!!

Nobody is saying that men aren't usually stronger than women. Nobody is condoning male-on-male violence. They are saying that it is no more wrong to hurt a woman than it is to hurt a man. As far as I'm concerned, a man punching me in the face is no more damaging or painful or unacceptable than a man punching another man in the face. I probably wouldn't punch him back (out of fear and lack of punching skill!), but neither would lots of men (for the same reasons). My husband would not punch him back (because he's not a violent person, not because he couldn't), but his face is just as susceptible to bruising as mine.

Why are people bleating on about gboys shouldnt hit girls? and if a boy does he needs more excisive punishment simply because its a girl?

Should a boy be punished if he retailates against a girl?

There was a case in my sons school were a girl was violently bullying boys in school (beating them up black eyes etc) here punishments were mostly detention and finally a short supenstion.

But when she attacked the wrong boy (my son) who was just turned 8 while she was 11 punched her back in front of witnesses (as in the whole fight was witnessed as he in the numerous times she hit and kicked before he punched back) and school wanted to suspand my son for a week because hit back despite the fact he was only defending himself.

The school thought that because she cried she was more injuried (apprently he was the first to fight back). They backed down when i threated to get the police involved as the girl was 11 so above the age of criminal responsabiltiy.

He was left with a 2 black eyes and broken nose and the school though my son was more in the wrong for hitting back then the girl who actully broke his nose.

This is the danger we are setting by telling our sons never hit girls are leaving them in danger of being victimized by girls taking advantage of this (her five previous victims didnt fight back as they had been told its never right to hit a girl) Where as i taught my children you never hit anyone execpt in SELF-DEFENCE no matter the sex of the child.

Violence is never acceptable no matter the sex of the parties and morally we cannot say its morally worse for boys to hit girls then for girls to hit boys it is ALL WRONG.

Well it's obvious isn't it? Boys are taught generally not to hit girls and that they should be protected, boy hits girl, boy looks like a cunt to the rest of the boys, boy gets beaten up. I feel sometimes people think that men go around bragging to other men that they're gonna rape/ assault a woman, when generally men are as oblivious as women to those that do those kind of acts or they would try and stop them. From experience anyway

But that did make me wonder about educating boys about behaviour towards girls to protect them...i.e. From girls accusing them of violence, being beaten up etc

I don't mind if it's more socially unacceptable for boys to hit girls than vice versa. Boys are more likely to grow up to be physically abusive than women are. Women are more likely to be victims of male violence. That indicates to me that boys perhaps should be taught that hitting a girl is particularly unacceptable, clearly it happens more and there's a greater power imbalance than, say, a group of boys rough housing during a kick about

Street I completely agree that for society hitting a child is different to hitting an adult. I wonder though, if it's that different to the perpetrator?

We don't need to make that distinction though if we start with the principle that all violence is always wrong.

It is just NOT the same, no matter how much we may wish it, that male on female violence is the same as female on male violence. In ANY respect.

So when my family member was regularly beaten by his wife and on one occasion left unconscious as she pushed him down the stairs. What would you call that then?

I have (bitter) experience of this. DS was involved in a fight at school when he was 10 in which a girl got punched. (I know, I was mortified FWIW). The police were called but as the school had already taken action they just sent the local community policeman and his female PCSO colleague round to our house to give him an informal ticking off. The whole thing was focused on the fact it was a girl who was hit (he drove the point home by pointing to the PCSO and saying 'she's smaller than me isn't she, so what would happen if I hit her? That wouldn't be right would it?). I was a bit surprised at the time, and this thread has reminded me of exactly that feeling.

He hasn't hit any girls since btw.

or when my friend (male) was hit in the head with a frying pan at his birthday by his partner (female) his resulting 2 week stay in hospital with bleeding on the brain?. Witnessed by us all simply because he forgot to buy vegen sauguges for her mother (that was the trigger for this last assualt which nearly killed him)

So that assult isnt worse then if a male bloke simply punched a female? because female on male violence isnt the same?

I wish people would stop pretending that female on male violence is as prevalent as the other way round

I wish that people would stop excusing female violence,

All violence is wrong or what is the point.

streetface

you may consider one worse than the other, but in law you could get a criminal record for either

No one is condoning female violence! The fact is that 2 men don't die every week because of women. Until we actually do something about male violence I don't think anything will ever improve.

But that did make me wonder about educating boys about behaviour towards girls to protect them...i.e. From girls accusing them of violence, being beaten up etc

Exactly OP -- it's about protecting your DS's. They need to know that the judgement of the society will come down way harder on them if the person they hit is a woman whether or not serious injuries were involved. Whether fair or not, people tend to shrug their shoulders if the violence is men-on-men (unless serious injuries are involved).

It is the same reality in the application of "statutory rape" -- a 19 yo girl having sex with a 16yo boy is not judged the same way as the reverse.

Violence is wrong period. Don't bring the sexes of the children into it. You'll just make it an issue.

Teacher was correct. Your being precious

I don't think the issue is about individual cases of violence. For me it was more educating boys as to why society might perceive a boy hitting a girl as worse than hitting a boy. And to protect them from this.

So for example as a child grows up...

Example 1. Boys are playing a game of footie. There is some argy Bargy. One boy lashes out at another and hits a boy who in turn retaliates by hitting him back and busting his lip . Team mates and spectators tell the boy who retaliated that he was well within his rights to stick up for himself.

Example 2. Lads and lasses are playing at the ball courts. A lass comes up behind a lad and wacks him on the back of the head because he is being rude and acting like an idiot. He turns around and instinctively hits her in the face busting her lip. Would the peers and the girls parents tell him he did right.

Neither act is wrong and both should be accountable. But I know that th boy who retaliated to the boy would get off more lightly.

Walkingdead11
No one is condoning female violence!

Girls shouldn't hit boys BUT its different to boys hitting girls.

Sounds like excusing violence to me.

I think if a girl hits someone she should expect to get hit back. Lesson: don't hit people.

ouch but the of this boy regarding how society views his actions is not for you to dictate tbh. It's for his parents. The school quite rightly are treating it as unacceptable violence.

If my son were the boy who retaliated in example 1 I'd be talking to him about anger management and control and about how his action could have escalated the conflict to the whole team.

If my daughter was the girl in example 2 I would be tearing strips off her for hitting the boy in the head and she'd get very little sympathy for her sore lip. You don't deal with rudeness with violence.

Ferrets you're being very obtuse. A number of posters including the OP have suggested that it is somehow worse to hit a girl / woman, whereas I believe its equally wrong irrespective of the sex of the victim. Is there something wrong with your comprehension skills?

A number of posters including the OP have suggested that it is somehow worse to hit a girl / woman

Right. However that is not the same thing as saying that it's okay for a girl to hit a boy or for boy to hit a boy. Not at all.

I would have to have also hadn't conversation that as you grow up it is socially unacceptable to hit a girl/woman

It's also socially unacceptable for boys/men to hit other boys/men.

Is there something wrong with your comprehension skills?

No idea if this has anything to do with it but I'm autistic and if someone says that it's worse for a boy/man to hit a girl/woman then that is all I take from it. There's no need to constantly look for a deeper meaning behind the words. Sometimes things are just what they are.

NOBODY has the right to hit another person, unless it is in self-defence or there is some legitimate excuse (boxing between consenting people, for example).

It doesn't matter whether it's a girl-on-girl attack, or a boy-on-girl one. It's the same offence, and equally as wrong.

It is highly offensive and sexist to claim it is somehow "worse" for a boy to hit a girl, than a girl to hit another girl. It goes to show how some women (many of whom consider themselves advocates of women's rights and gender equality) are just as bad as men when it comes to believing that somehow girls are weaker than boys - and by definition, inferior to them.

Neither act is wrong

Wow... Both are wrong! Two wrongs don't make a right! Turn the other cheek and all that.