To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

Agreed silver. I have never come across some of the views expressed on here in real life.

Lads - I have 2 boys. The elder one (now 14) was never into physical play in any more of a noticeable way than his sister. He prefers non contact sports, rowing and tennis.

Our younger DS (now 9 and calming down a bit) was a different matter from day one, despite exactly the same parenting. He needed a lot more physical space and seemed to attract friends who are constantly trying to slide tackle each other or whatever. But he does know that although this may be normal for him and his friends, other boys may not appreciate it and girls will almost certainly not. He doesn't play rugby with girls anyway, so he knows there is a difference.

If you have a more physical boy it's hard to deny that it's a real thing that needs some kind of outlet.

Biological sexes are different. No one has said they are not.

Hitting people is wrong and unacceptable.

It's unacceptable to hit anyone and particularly unacceptable to hit someone smaller or weaker than you under any circumstances.

@Lulalu and @Silver - I too have never ever come across the views expressed here and have been referred to as disgusting for expressing opinions that I feel reflect the relative impact and prevalence of male/female violence.

-teachers need to assert themselves.

Oh perhaps you should point that out to them. Because I'm sure that's never occurred to them. . Have you tried simply 'asserting yourself' over a class full of teenagers bigger than you are, many of whom are used to their parents trying and failing to assert authority over them? What power do you think teachers actually have, ultimately?

Goodness Eolian, have a glass of wine or something. Chill out, schools over till Monday.

Walkingdead11

Are you insinuating that domestic violence is as prevalent for male victims as female? It does appear that you are?

The last time that I looked at the accepted figures the split was 60/40% (BCS)
60% female victims, 40% male victims. 1.2 million female victims against 0.8 million male victims.

The numbers shift and from those that I have seen the variation in numbers can be as large as 10 - 15%.

So no I am not saying that "domestic violence is as prevalent for male victims as female".

If pushed I would say that there are more male victims than many would like to accept.

Blimey, statistics all the way there Boney. What on earth are you doing?

I've read through the thread and cannot understand why we don't just teach everyone to not hit anyone regardless of their sex. Yes males are generally stronger than women but as we can see on here, most people will take "especially don't hit girls" as meaning it's better to hit a male, to avoid this just say do not use violence against anyone ever. My daughter has mild microcephaly and anyone that hits her can result in her brain becoming damaged.

Basically there are too many variables to simply say women being hit by a man is much worse because that isn't always true. Just teach your children not to hit anyone. Stop making women out to be more precious and vulnerable, yes they are a majority of the time but not always so just teach "do not hit anyone, ever and walk away if possible and restrain if not. If that doesn't work then hit back if your life is in danger and you need to get out of the situation and the other ways to get out are not working" it's really that simple. To me anyway.

silverbell64

Watching Sweet home Alabama.

the numbers are at about 5 years out of date.

I agree with the teacher, sorry. Hitting anyone is completely unacceptable, irrespective of which gender hit which gender. That suggests to your dd that it's ok for her to hit people.

Boney - presumably the male victims of violence include victims where the perpetrator is also male? ie abusive fathers of boys?

Excellent post Quack

If we don't have to teach boys to respect girls by not hitting them 🤔 then do we also not need to teach them about consent, or misogyny or inequality? Because I have taught my son all these things because regardless of what some of you say, we still live in male dominated society where power is still very much in the hands of men. This is evident in pay scales, in the prevalence of female rape, sexual assault, dv and harassment. So why is it not considered justifiable to instill these ideas into our boys from an early age. The statistics for rape and sexual assault are horrifying so yes, we do need to instruct our sons on how to treat girls.

Well said Walking!

Bony

60/40 is a horrific and mra inspired complete lie. That is simply offensive to those female victims of dv....believe me you are wrong!!

@Walking spot on.

I have also taught my son these things Walking. He wouldn't dream of hitting a girl. He has however stepped in recently on a night out and protected a girl he knows from her violent boyfriend. He tried to pull him off her, that didn't work so he decked him.

If we don't have to teach boys to respect girls by not hitting them then do we also not need to teach them about consent, or misogyny or inequality?

You are conflating different issues.

We should, as has been pointed out several times teach all our children that hitting other children is wrong.

The issue of teaching consent to sexual activity has nothing to do with that.

So far as misogyny and inequality- all this "respect for women/ a boy hitting a girl is worse than hitting a boy" is misogynistic in itself.

Son is a very kind and sensitive guy. He however boxes, they are taught to always walk away from things knowing how highly trained they are, in this instance he couldn't.

No its not, something fundamental has certainly been lost. I don't want to be the same as a man, I want us both to respect our differences.

The teacher was wrong to rant. At primary, the genders are pretty similar. Having said that, as Mum to two boys although I have brought them up to avoid violence in general they know that it's never acceptable to hit a female. To the extent that they were bewildered about what to do when some much older, bigger girls were beating up a friend of theirs. They did do the responsible thing and tell a teacher, but did not physically intervene an found it all very upsetting.

LassWiTheDelicateAir

No, they are variations of the same issues, you just don't want to admit that they are issues.

"As far as misogyny and inequality- all this "respect for women/ a boy hitting a girl is worse than hitting a boy" is misogynistic in itself."

I think you need to brush up your definition of misogyny.

WalkingDead you are confusing separate issues.

As for definition of misogyny it might help if you understood the difference between sex and gender as you are confusing the 2.

Walkingdead11

they are from the BCS.

2007 had male victims at 47%

more recent numbers (I have been told) move from 20% to 35% male victims.

as for MRA lies, it took years for womens aid to move from 3% male victims, they moved to 9%. no idea what they state at the moment.

Understanding and respecting physical differences between the sexes is not misogyny.
Men and women relate to each other in particular ways. There is more common ground than differences, I would argue, but there is no point in pretending that absolutely everything has to be gender neutral.