To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

silverbell Are you going to answer my question about why you think my gentle 9 year old son is any more deserving if violence than your daughter?

Or do you not believe that there are are any boys that are not boisterous and fighty. Because I assure you, there are plenty.

you come across as a very very strange and rather unpleasant character.

A very very strange response from someone that is complaining about personal comments.

No one said girls are delicate little flowers. We are however the bearer of all these boys and girls so a bit of respect for this doesn't go amiss and boys should be taught such.

Respect is also not a one way street.

@Gotta get - read my posts, my son did not kick anyone. I postulated that if he did kick a girl it would be worse than if he kicked a boy. Dont refer to me as disgusting when I have explained myself. Why are people so vile on this site?

To be more annoyed that a boy hit your young daughter than if he hit your son is disgusting.

^ this and quite strange.

Bony

Are you insinuating that domestic violence is as prevalent for male victims as female? It does appear that you are?

@Boney, maybe I have had enough of you.

I postulated that if he did kick a girl it would be worse than if he kicked a boy

It really really wouldn't be.

I don't actually get people that are saying we are all the same and the way to go forward is to teach in an almost, here we go, gender neutral way. Hmmmm, very idealistic and very dangerous.

Boys/men need to be taught to respect women.

@Piglet, yes in my view it really really really would be.

@Gotta get - read my posts, my son did not kick anyone. I postulated that if he did kick a girl it would be worse than if he kicked a boy. Dont refer to me as disgusting when I have explained myself. Why are people so vile on this site?

I didn't say he did!! I said 'if' It was hypothetical!.
I didn't say you were disgusting ....I said your view on this was disgusting.
You have a problem understanding what you read!!

What we have to tackle is male entitlement and mysogynitic viewpoints. What we don't do is ignore male violence, to other males and particularly women, who by and large suffer in every possible way throughout the world.

Marinade And people are making predictions about what boys will grow up to be in the future. I find that offensive. Basically what people saying is that if I don't drum it in to my son that it's worse to hit a girl then he will be more likely to be violent towards women when he grows up.
I've told him it's wrong to hit anyone. He knows this and as a result he doesn't go around hitting people surprise surprise (self defence he's never been in that situation before). He's a very kind and lovely boy just like your daughter is a lovely girl, so I very confident that I am bringing up a lovely respectful future man.

Nope no problem in understanding whatsoever. To convey the point that an attitude is disgusting is to make that statement about the poster themselves (i.e. me). Please don't be disingenuous, it's really rather sad.

I'm stronger than many men. I was capable of lifting the weight of my abuser. Does that mean that it was more acceptable for him to hit me than a weak man? Or does my 'femaleness' mean it was more acceptable for him to hit a man?

Violence is not acceptable full stop. That is the message our children should be getting. Because if it is 'worse' to hit one person, then it is by implication 'better' to hit another.

yes in my view it really really really would be.

Thankfully your view isn't widely held.

Walkingdead11

Oh I see, boys and girls are completly equal so violence between any of the genders is equally abhorrent........so why are women and girls more disproportionately affected then??

This is an easy one. Violence is equally unacceptable no matter who is hitting whom.
Some people however think boys are innately programmed to have rough and tumble interaction which might get more physical , but they just can't help it, and a boy kicking a boy isn't as bad as kicking a girl.

Because this type of thinking is pandered to boys grow up into men who think they are innately more rough and tumble (aka violent) which they just can't help. Unfortunately men who get into rough and tumble interactions which get a bit too physical and which they just can't help tend not to care much who they hit.

No one said that respect didn't go two ways.

Thankfully my view of boys hitting girls being far worse is very widely held. We are different and teaching boys to respect women is the way to go.

@Piglet. To place them on equal footing is bizarre. Of course the default position is that we teach all our kids that they must not hit anyone. I would hope that is a given. However, if I ever found myself in the horrible position of my son being accused of hitting a girl, given that he does not play with girls in year 4, this would strike me as being extremely worrying and concerning. The girls in his year are generally smaller and slighter and I would think that this was prompted by a seriously unhealthy aggression that would fall outside of anything I could possibly rationalise. This is not about teaching our children that it is worse to hit a girl - this situation described by the OP is where you have been faced with the reality of a boy hitting your daughter. To indicate that you would feel the same way as if a girl had hit your daughter is utterly bonkers as far as I am concerned.

Boys are far more physical. Its a fact. I suggest you go on some of Dr Winston's study pages.

Boys/men need to be taught to respect women.

Yes, they do. Just as they need to be taught to respect men. Hang on a minute... I think there's a word we could use to combine those things.... umm... ah yes - people. They need to be taught to respect people. Equally. As they should expect to be respected by people. Whether they are male or female. It's very depressing that some of you think the notion of equal respect and treatment of men and women and boys and girls is 'pc gorn mad, I tell you'.

NO violence in school. Not civilised. Also no queue jumping. At this age, when I was at school there just was no violence. (Mixed sexes and a very inner city school) - teachers need to assert themselves.

We are different and teaching boys to respect women is the way to go.

You're right, we are different. I think teaching boys to respect people is the way to go, not just women. Hopefully girls are taught to respect people as well. You carry on with your way and I'll carry on with mine.

2 women per week on average would equal about 100 a year, and apparently 30 men, that's about 2/3 per month; it's a far lower number, but more than I thought.

It wouldn't always have been a female partner, of course, as the stats would include gay men.

Genders are different! There is nothing wrong with that at all. But to deny our differences and not celebrate them is pretty bizarre. To state that we are all the same is pretty idealistic and gets us absolutely nowhere.