To think if a boy hits my daughter then yes it is different to if a girl does

[ouchthathurtsabit]

Preparing to be flamed as this is a controversial issue.

I'm a mum of a girl and 2 boys. My daughter came home with a red mark on her face saying that a boy- known for hurting others- had punched her in the face because she had gone in front of him in the queue. The boy was spoken to and it was dealt with. The children are 8 and in year 3.

So I spoke to the teacher and said I was glad it was dealt with and that I was sure my daughter would be fine but it would probably be helpful for this boy to know that it's unacceptable to hurt or hit anyone but that hitting a girl in the face is really not acceptable.

The teacher then had a massive rant at me saying that there is absolutely no difference and that's a very dangerous thing to be teaching children and it would not be an appropriate thing to say in school.

Whist I do understand what she was tryouts g to say, I do try and explain to my boys that In our society, no matter what age you are, if you hit a female then it is completely unacceptable and that no matter what a girl does or says to you then if you respond with physical violence then it's not acceptable. Males are generally bigger and stronger. Am I completely wrong in thinking at 8 years old this could be mentioned? Because I don't know! I know if one of my boys hit a girl in the face I would be a tiny bit more mortified than if it was a girl

Marinade
My daughter would not beat up boys, what a fucking stupid thing to say.

that right there is the problem.

Oh FFS (dragged back in). Why would a 'decent man' or indeed a decent person think it was ok to hit a man either? Do you have no concept of the fact that women are equal to men and do not need to be protected like little flowers? Treating women as different in that way is part and parcel of treating them as 'lesser" in all ways.
My 11 y.o. dd would think it was utterly stupid that anyone thought it was worse to hit a boy than a girl. And that's not because I've coached her to think that way. It's because she's intelligent and can see the bloody obvious.

When did it become "old fashioned" to be a decent man who believes it's wrong to hit women? Is this really what we have come to? I don't think so

A decent man does not hit anyone. A decent woman does not hit anyone. Decent people do not hit anyone.

Chivalry is irrelevant.

So if a woman beats up a man that's okay, is that the message you want your daughter to get?

I have explained it very clearly with reference to my own experience. There are differences in the way boys interact and play with each other. To think of a boy kicking my daughter is not something that I could ever ever come to terms with but I was able to accept the altercation when my son was kicked by another boy although it was not nice. I could never feel comfortable with the propensity for aggression displayed by a boy who kicked or hit my daughter. Just never, and my husband thinks the exact same way. I honestly find it so strange that people are insistent of the contrary.

Walkingdead11

As we are being dragged down this path, women are more likely to use weapons in cases where the female is the perpetrator of DV.

As for the numbers of men dying at the hands of women during DV, I have no idea of the numbers, but I do know that men are killed by their partners just not on an average of 2 per week.

Or boys, if you punch another boy that's okay too?
Violence is violence and not acceptable.

I fail to see what the problem is. The boy was dealt with. Probably not adequately, seeing as he managed to build up a reputation for hurting others and is still there, but I cannot think of any way to word this "but hitting girls is a special kind of evil" without implying that hitting boys would be okay.

If we were talking of a teenage boy who got slapped for sexually harrassing a girl and punched her in the face, then I would agree that it must be explained to him - and more importantly, others - that it is not the same thing. Among other things because of the difference in strength.

And if the boy's parents complained about him being punished more severely than boys who engage in playfighting with other boys, then it would make sense to explain the difference.

But with an 8 year old who is known for being a repeat offender, I think it would be quite contraproductive to try and teach him different levels of wrongness when he isn't even able to understand something simple like "hurting other children is wrong".

LassWiTheDelicateAir

A decent man does not hit anyone. A decent woman does not hit anyone. Decent people do not hit anyone.

I agree.

If we were talking of a teenage boy who got slapped for sexually harrassing a girl

Why the need to excuse the girls violence?

@Lass, nothing missed. I did accept the apology and was comfortable with the boy being in the same class. The same would not be true of my daughter. You are indicating that your outrage is somehow greater than mine as evidence of something - not quite sure what that is precisely?

@Boney, what is the problem right there about me stating that my beautiful and gentle seven year daughter would not beat up boys? I have no idea what the fuck you are on about.

The teacher was "politically" correct.

No. the teacher was correct Fixed it for you.

So if a woman beats up a man that's okay, is that the message you want your daughter to get?

Jayne -How on earth did you manage to come up with that interpretation?

Marinade your attitude to male violence and agressionis depressing.

Had my son kicked another boy I would as you put it be uncomfortable with evidence of a propensity for aggression. I would not have written it off as "Oh well, boys, what are they like?"

Bony

I can tell you that 2 men don't die every week as a result of dv......that's for sure!!

Lass, nothing missed

Quite a lot missed actually. I won't reply to your question as I have no idea what you are on about.

a decent man believes it is wrong to hit ANYONE
why can't people grasp that?

That's exactly what my 6 year old son thinks, and as a result he knows it's wrong to hit anyone. I will not be making an extra point to him that it's worse to hit a girl. Especially if in doing so I would end up sending the message that if he is hit by someone it means it's not as bad as it would be if he was a girl. It's just as bad.

@Lass - I did not write it off. You have no idea what you are talking about. I never said I wrote it off, I spoke to the teacher - I did not just brush it off and I spoke to the parents also. You are failing to grasp the fundamental point that I was able to form an acceptance of it based on all of the circumstances and evidence presented to me, but I could not have formed this view if it was my daughter - comprendez? Stop making out I minimised it and somehow did not express sufficient outrage.

@Lass yes you seem a bit dim so no wonder you don't get it.

Why would the fact that he thinks it's wrong to hit women, make him more likely to hit men? Or think violence is ok in general.

This is going round in circles.

My boys know it's wrong to hit women or to be too physical with them. This has been reinforced at home, explicitly at their school and in the fact that they do not play contact sports with girls. In other words, the real world.

They have never been in a fight in their lives. DH has a boxing background, has never been in a fight either as far as I know. He has no interest.

I personally would not want to be with a man who would see me as no different to a man in terms of physicality. That would make him a bit dim surely.

Marinade

I have no idea what the fuck you are on about.

I am on about the discussion contained within the thread about whether girls hitting boys is as bad as boys hitting girls.

But without the swearing and the ability to put forward a possible scenario.

But I suspect that if you did get a phonecall about your dd hitting a boy, you would deny it ever happened and complain about the sanctions.

So if it's a bad thing for a girl to use violence to defend herself against sexual harassment then where do we draw the line?
Rape? Would it be ok then? Or does the line "all violence is equally wrong" still apply then? Should women allow the attack then report it? Or is it ok to use violence to defend against rape.
In which case you are also saying some violence isn't as bad as other violence aren't you?

@Boney - nope would never ever ever happen. I know my daughter you see, and she has been brought up to never ever hit anyone, as has my son. The fact that you are referring to her in this disgusting way has caused me to swear as it is an utter abomination for her to referred to in this way. I know what the teachers and the school club say about her and her behaviours so getting a call of the nature you hypothesise on is as likely as the pigs flying outside my window.

Walkingdead11

I can tell you that 2 men don't die every week as a result of dv......that's for sure!!

I can tell you that two women don't die every week as well, hence this oft quoted "fact" being wrong.

The quote you are looking for is

"On average two women are killed by their partner or ex-partner every week in England and Wales"

"on average, two women being murdered each week and 30 men per year"

from www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/how-common-is-domestic-abuse/

and

www.lwa.org.uk/understanding-abuse/statistics.htm

but at least we now have a number of deaths for men as well as women

Marinade your absurd distinction as between that as Vestal puts it "hitting girls is a special kind of evil" is exactly the kind of thinking as you indeed say leads to the idea that male violence and aggression can be accepted- seen as normal and innate.