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Original poster

To be furious about gender neutral bathrooms in work?

134 replies

Kez437 · 07/09/2017 15:57

At the start I'd like to make very clear that I am pro transgender and those who do not prescribe to a particular gender. However as context, we have 2 office sites, I am in site 2. Across the company and in particular on my site there are many more males than females (something the company is desperately trying to solve). There is not a great person to bathroom ratio but currently we have 2 females and 4 males so the men have double we have. As of yesterday, with no prior notice gender neutral signs have been put up on the doors of all the bathrooms. When this was queried with out office manager we were told that there were not enough bathrooms for the men and as there are more of them they are always having to wait. To my knowledge and I'm fairly certain we have no transgender of non-assingning people in our company or on this site and the reason given has nothing to do with this. As of today I have learnt that site 1, which is our head office does not have gender neutral bathrooms and that next week when a client visits us the gender neutral signs are being taken down! I am, quite frankly, furious. It seems to me that this is a poor effort of 'oh there are more of them, they need to use your bathroom but we can't just say that so we'll make them gender neutral'. Not a single woman on site has used the previous male bathrooms so effectively they have gotten their way. Gender neutral is being totally scapegoated and not used in its proper context. If they were so concerned about gender neutrality surely all the bathrooms, inlcuding those in the main office would be gender neutral and they wouldn't be taking the signs down for a client visiting? Or they could have male, female and gender neutral (personally I thing this is the best way forward which caters for all, those who assign to a gender and those who do not). I am properly fuming about this, am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
grasspigeons · 07/09/2017 16:04

I don't know! I've only worked at small places which have just had 4 or so toilets for everyone so it doesn't seem odd to me. I did work one big place with different toilets I suppose size means people are more anonymous and less likely to keep it clean. More public. I would prefer seperate public toilets and I guess a large employer becomes like that.

ZoeWashburne · 07/09/2017 16:08

YABU. Why does this bother you so much? Is it the thought that a man could be using the toilet before you? Why is it so bad to share the loos?

BarbaraofSevillle · 07/09/2017 16:10

Oh, the poor men have to queue up to use the toilet. Didums. Welcome to our world.

I suppose as long as the cubicles are sufficiently private and everyone uses the toilets in a civilised fashion and leave them clean when they have used them, it might not be too bad?

Are there any laws about separate male/female facilities or is it just convention?

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 07/09/2017 16:11

Are there urinals in the men's? If so it's not realistic to expect women to use them. And have they put sanitary bins there? If there are urinals and no sanitary bins I think you have strong cause to complain.

Lostwithinthehills · 07/09/2017 16:11

These aren't gender neutral toilets, they have just taken away female only toilets so that men don't have to wait. Is your office manager male or female? Has the office manager ensured that sanitary bins have been installed in the gender neutral ex male toilets?

Where I work about 75% of the staff is female but there is one urinal and two cubicles in the male toilets, one unisex cubicle and one female only cubicle, the women all successfully manage to queue. Incidentally there are also two male only showers and one unisex shower.

EamonnWright · 07/09/2017 16:13

I'm a man and I agree with you. Some women may find it uncomfortable. My daughter is pretty shy and I know she wouldn't like it. If the numbers are that skewed could they have not just kept one toilet for women?

In this day and age if you speak up you'll be called some kind of 'phobe so tread carefully.

Danceswithwarthogs · 07/09/2017 16:13

So effectively they've taken the ladies' toilet away and said anyone can use all of them... basically the men can use yours?

Are they all separate rooms with private handwash/mirror areas etc, or banks of cubicles with communal handwashing.... urinals??? Noting that disabled loos are usually gender neutral and no one worries.

Call me old fashioned, but I wouldn't like having to go into unisex toilet with a male colleague the other side of a melamine partition, hearing everything Confused or fixing hair/makeup/eyedrops etc in a unisex communal area.... fully separate bathroom, fine.

At my work there are 8-12 women, one man, one proper bathroom with toilet/shower/basin etc... all fine, we're very gender neutral... tho sometimes he leaves the seat up!?

Justforthisposttoday · 07/09/2017 16:14

As long as all toilets have San pro bins (demand them so all toilets can be used by women) and they are all separate one occupier toilet rooms, fair enough.

But if one of these toilets are the multiple cubical versions, they might be falling fowl of some healthy and safety building regs.

WhichJob · 07/09/2017 16:15

Using my Mooncup at work would be a bit trickier!

Sayyouwill · 07/09/2017 16:18

I wouldn't be happy about that. It's obvious why they've done and it is not to be progressive and forward thinking.
I'm assuming your toilets are one room with several cubicles in? If they're individual rooms with a loo and handwash facility however I wouldn't be as bothered

PickAChew · 07/09/2017 16:23

Actually, using your mooncup would be one sure fire way of getting the decision reversed. I'd be tempted to rub a stunt one with some chopped liver and make a big show of cleaning it in the communal wash area!

notanotherNC · 07/09/2017 16:24

I have a gender neutral toilet at home... what's the big deal? Men won't be in the actual toilet with you watching you piss ffs.

GerdaLovesLili · 07/09/2017 16:26

I've mostly worked in organisations that have two or three self-contained, wheelchair accessible units that could be used by everyone. It's never been a problem. I'd be less comfortable in a situation that had no hand-basins in the same space as the loo as it makes it complicated for moon-cup/lota/ users or people with complicated toileting issues.

coddiwomple · 07/09/2017 16:26

I hate that, why can't women keep their bloody toilets (no pun intended), I hope the gender neutral fashion will disappear and we can all be back to normal.

I have been the only female at work, so some of the men had sneaked in "my" toilets because they were more pleasant and more private Hmm. They got told where to go when I met one. It did remind me of the Office, when one of the male pay to have access to the luxury ones.

LoveaGoodBath · 07/09/2017 16:27

Wait til a man is in there then rinse your mooncup out in the sink.

Not joking! This is what I would do.

Italiangreyhound · 07/09/2017 16:27

As sex is a protected category under UK law I am not sure how they can force you to use rooms with multi cubicals alongside men.

If these were individual rooms for single occupancy use, then it seems fair enough but I would be quite surprised if this were the case.

If this were such a great idea then why are they taking the signs down when a client visits. Don't they want the client to know they are a jackass company?

blackteasplease · 07/09/2017 16:29

The problem with this is that it has been done for all the wrong reasons imo. I'm not against gender neutral bathrooms in theory but they shouldn't have urinals in them.

NapQueen · 07/09/2017 16:29

Cant the blokes waiting just shout into the ladies and if no one is in, nip in and use the cubicles in there? Just if theres a queue.

Original poster
Kez437 · 07/09/2017 16:30

The previously female bathrooms are also the disabled ones although we have no disabled colleagues. The previous male ones are 2 cubicle each which are apparently so tiny that sitting on the toilet sends the hand drier off. They have squeezed sanitary bins into apparently non-existent space. In my last place we shared bathrooms but we were very small and they were proper bathrooms. Here though I find the idea of changing my tampon in a cubicle next to a male colleague mortifying, not to mention trying to fix makeup etc in a tiny space with them there. All of this reinforces that really the change is to accommodate the men using our bathroom as theirs is clearly not equipped for unisex use. I am not squeamish or prudish but this does make me uncomfortable, reinforced somewhat but the fact that most of my colleagues are graduates and one literally just asked 'what are those bin things in the bathroom?' Makes me cross though that they've effectively just used the guise of gender neutral. Don't know if I should be the one to raise it though or even how to?

OP posts:
titchy · 07/09/2017 16:30

Oh please wash out a mooncup in the sinks, and if there are urinals make sure you do so when someone, preferably a male manager, is peeing on one. Actually can all the women pretend their cycles are synched and have a mass mooncup washing session.

coddiwomple · 07/09/2017 16:31

Cant the blokes waiting just shout into the ladies and if no one is in, nip in and use the cubicles in there?

Not really, it is a great idea but companies have to have written policies in place because there's always one who will make a formal complaint and you can't trust everybody to act like grown up.
Same reasons why so many handbooks have very strict dresscode policies. There's always one...

Italiangreyhound · 07/09/2017 16:32

Kez437 I would suggest you try and document the tide of men waiting to use the loos when the gender neutral signs are down. Are there really that many?

specialsubject · 07/09/2017 16:33

Not sure why fixing makeup is something you wouldn't do with a man around.

It is a bit worrying that they don't know what the bins are for, but you can tell them.

Italiangreyhound · 07/09/2017 16:35

notanotherNC "I have a gender neutral toilet at home... what's the big deal? Men won't be in the actual toilet with you watching you piss ffs."

I am guessing you have a single toilet with a door, either with or without a sink. Like the rest of us.

A gender neutral toilet in the work context may well be a bank of toilets separated by partitions that do not go from floor to ceiling and a shared area of sinks. This toilet area has always been single sex in living memory in the UK, so if this is what the OP has and it is being changed that is unlikely to be what you have at home.

Betsyboo87 · 07/09/2017 16:36

If they're cubicles with gaps at the top and bottom and between them then yanbu. I also wouldn't want to be opening a tampon with a man in the cubicle next to me.

We had mixed toilets at one company I worked at but they were pretty much separate rooms with toilet and wash basin etc inside. There were are 20 men but only 5 women so it was agreed one was for women only and the men had the other three. Would this work in your company? I know most men have been taught proper etiquette but these guys were gross - pee on the floor and the seats.... We actually had to remind them to shut the doors, never mind lock them.