Mil...anyone got one similar??

[mumto2two]

Ok..it's a tired old topic I know. And I have weathered many a storm with mine, bitten my tongue and toed a tightrope line more times than I ever thought I could..but now that she's here on another one of her annual/biannual visits, the tension in the house has reached epic levels. I don't think I've ever felt more suffocated!
She has just left for a couple of nights with a relative of hers, and I'm literally feeling euphoric. Have been mentally listing the things she does when she is here..and wondered if she truly is unique, or are there other mils like this out there

Firstly..not a helpful presence in my house, but nor would I expect. She is always very much in guest mode.
So that's an aside...and I wouldn't have an issue with that, if I enjoyed the company. But I don't.
Here are some examples...
Stalks me 24/7...an intense and extremely tense presence, looming over my shoulder all day long. What are you going to do now?..don't you want to do this / that/ or other? On the hour every hour.

Constantly asks in a haughty poshest voice you've ever heard tone..'do you think that's wise?' My teenage daughter tries to avoid her now, as everything she does has this remark..and she's threatening to go stay with her friend for the rest of her trip.

Has no concept of personal space. Walks into our bedroom at 7am on the weekend, and haughtily asks...shall I pull your blinds for you?
Leaves her bedroom door wide open every night, and it opens right onto ours. It's all a bit cramped up there! Walks in and out of our room, and my children's, as and when she pleases.

Wants to help me make my bed?!? My 7 year old makes her own bed!

Is paranoid about everything the kids do...should you be doing this/that or other? Don't you think you should be doing this/that or other?

Constantly makes indirect references to the fact that DH works long hours and I'm mostly sah. Scrutinises what I spend, what I cook, what I do with my spare time. Nothing is sacred.

Is a self obsessed hypochondriac who I'm 100% sure feigns things to get attention from her son sometimes.
Still 'takes her girls' to the doctors with every little thing... but they are both in their 40s

Takes authority over my children, tells them what they can and can't do..even while I am stood there!
Upset my 7 year old when she told her categorically, she would not be getting another pet..as it's bad for her allergies. Only we as a family, have already agreed we will be replacing our last pet, and had just been to see one we were interested in! But oh no...mil says no, we can't have one!

Thinks alcohol is poison, and looks down her nose at us, whenever we dare have a glass of wine.
A friend popped over to say a quick hello, and she had a tiny spritzer which I filled with ice, as she was driving. Mil took the liberty of leaning over and pointing at her glass, and haughtily asked her if she thought that was a good idea, given that she had a car outside. Friend felt uncomfortable and legged it pretty quick!

She has often upset various friends & family over the years, everybody thinks she is stifling and uncomfortable to be around. When she is here, I have actually questioned whether DH is worth it, it is so unbearable, and he can swan off to his office for 15 hours and leave me to it.
Anyway...I'm sure there are many other similar breeds out there...but it's been good to offload!

For starters invest in a gimp mask and leave it on your pillow. . Should keep the nosey fecker out of your bedroom...

Jesus op she sounds awful! What does your DH think about her behaviour? Have you discussed it? Me and DH are at the point of blocking his dm out of our lives permanently now so we can just be happy. The intrusion and constant need for attention (think 2am phonecalls because she hasn't got any dog food and would we mind awfully popping to the 24/7 garage to get some so he can have breakfast) it's just too much.

And invest in a lock for your bedroom!

Oh my! I think I'd lose it with her to be honest! I can take a certain amount of irritation but that sounds constant. How long is she staying?

Can I ask have you actually said to her eg "mil in this house bedrooms are private and we don't go into others rooms without knocking" or "I think that's for her parents to decide" regarding a new pet? She is extremely overbearing but if you're all allowing it out of some notion of being polite then it won't ever change. Plus you risk eventually exploding from years of pent up frustration and killing her

Next time she is there your dp has to take annual leave to look after his mother and entertain her. Why are you doing it all?

^^ WaterOff

• yup, yup.

You have to put your foot down!
Tell her that she is not allowed in anyone else's bedroom without knocking and waiting for permission - including the children!!!

Tell her it's not up to her how you and your DH run your house and you will be getting a pet!

I have firm lines with both my in laws and my own family as they all over stepped at first and we have a lot of family so I made it very clear that our dc, our house, our rules!

• I mean including the children's bedrooms.

Your post is evidence that you're cracking up. In the sense that even one of these behaviours would be batshit - what are you doing letting MIL stay with you? Preserve your sanity and meet on neutral territory once a year.

What does your DH say, and why isn't he taking time off when she stays?

Sounds awful. Mine used to swan in to our room with a plate of mangoes at 7am on a Saturday, bearing in mind we both sleep naked, and proclaim "MANGO TIME!" It was extremely uncomfortable.
She also constantly tells me our eldest DD is so small and skinny because I starved her as a baby but also insists that I over feed our youngest. She has decided the youngest doesn't like the food we give her (which she most certainly does) because it's too spicy and insists on feeding her bananas every time she sees her.
I'm could go on for hours. MILs are sent to test our patience and sanity. I have perfected saying "that's interesting" while smiling and nodding but not listening.

My PIL are bad shit crazy too. Unfortunately I've found they don't listen when dh asks them not to do something sonive started putting my foot down. Mil is actually starting to listen to me but fil is still doing as he wants which I odd as I always thought mil was the problem. I think you might just have to set some ground rules and keep reinforcing them.

Next time she mentions what long hours her DS works, look at her vaguely and say it's odd he only does such long hours when you visit.

Wtf is her DS not entertaining her?

Can you go off with your dc to a friend or something and leave her to it early each morning?

And our locks in the doors.

And the pp who's mil walked into their room each morning saying mango time that's ghastly and hilarious at the same time.

So why are you letting her do this? Stand up for your children and stop allowing her to boss you all around.
If she says 'do you think that's wise?' Reply 'yes I do'.

Actually, you could just tell your h that she is to stay in a hotel next time. His mum, his job to entertain her. Refuse to do it. Either he books the time off work or she doesn't come.

Notsure. I sleep naked. My mother used to burst into my bedroom rediculous early. UntilI she woke me up suddenly one morning and without thinking I just jumped butt naked straight out of bed in front of her. Yup that view put her off ever doing that again. May I suggest a big yawn and stretch. Maybe some lunges just for good measure.

That sounds so stressful, OP. I have difficulties with my MIL too. I feel like I have to agree to her staying for 5/6 nights, or else I'm not being fair. I would like to be able to say, it's too long, I can't cope with more than 3/4 nights, but I can't because she lives a long way from us.

It's not so bad as what you're dealing with, as my MIL doesn't come into our room thankfully.

But when she is here, she often talks non stop to my DH, so much so that on one occasion DD2 said, 'Grandma doesn't like us, she only likes Daddy.' She can be lovely to the DDs but she goes through phases when she's totally focused on DH, and I don't get the chance for any private conversation with him when she's here. She'll often ask, 'What did you say?' when it must be clear that we're talking to each other.

It's also difficult with her phone calls though that's getting better since I became assertive about it. She used to leave a message if we didn't answer for whatever reason, them would ring again 10 minutes later, then again until we answered. She was good at putting on a depressed voice as well. I did in the end persuade DH to speak to her about it.

I struggle with her trying to hard to be like a mum to me, I'm totally polite, I'm very happy for her to be a grandma and spend time with us but I just can't have that kind of relationship with her, sorry.

Gawd. Sounds awful! I'd be insisting she stay in a B n B next time, or that OH takes annual leave and stays home to help you deal with her.

Mango time has had me rolling round with laughter. Perhaps I am cracking up after all
This lady has been in my life for 11 years..and actually things were once far worse than this. Visits were once planned without consultation or notice..and were usually 2 or 3 months. Things became even more strained when I pulled up the drawbridge on that!
I'm actually quite a chatty easygoing person, and for the sake of peace & sanity I try to make her feel welcome. I start out feeling strong & resilient, but as the days tick by, my sanity wanes. She's an out and out grandiose (narcissist?) being. Takes huge offence to not being treated as she expects. It's a long tired saga.
But some of these behaviours just do seem plain odd.
She follows me around, arms folded, nose in the air, tense look on her face. Puts on grand acts of fake pretend warmth but is really cold like a fish. My 7 yr old gets excited about her grandma coming, but then avoids her when she's here...and my other child did that too, until she declared at 13, that she couldn't stand her being around. And grandma EXPECTS them to gravitate to her, so it's hugely awkward when they don't. She gets an obvious hump.
As for the bedroom door, we always keep ours open for our daughter. She has health issues and often wakes in the night, so we have three adjacent bedrooms all facing each other. But mil also insists on keeping hers open too. I mean why??? We can practically hear her breathing!
It's all so darned awkward. She's here for 3 weeks...only 2 more to go

Get hold of some documents for emigrating to Australia, half fill them in and strategically place them in your home where she can't fail to see them. That might shake her up a bit.

Mine used to swan in to our room with a plate of mangoes at 7am on a Saturday, bearing in mind we both sleep naked, and proclaim "MANGO TIME!"

I'm sorry, but that is so funny.

"MANGO TIME!"

Pmsl at that.

perhaps you should do "MANGO TIME!" on her...? Just an idea!

@mumto2two, your MIL does sound like mine actually, my MIL did complain about my DD2's clinginess; she said to DH, 'You were never like that.' I lost it with her, I confess, and we had a terrible row in front of the DDs. She said, 'We know why that is', as if it was my fault that she was clingy.

My DH also kept very quiet, didn't stand up for me at all. In a way I understand why he didn't intervene between us, but it hurt.

The DDs were upset too; DD2 didn't want to go back into her house again that holiday. (She was only 4.)

She sounds creepy. If your kids aren't happy either then it really is time to say no to her staying. Your dh isn't dealing with her so his say carries less weight than yours.

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