Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Refused breastfeeding in a store

363 replies

cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 10:05

So I went out for the day with 9mo DS. Thinking I'd just be gone a few hours, so could feed him when I got home. So wore a very feeding-unfriendly dress. Covered chin to knee with no openings.

As it turned out he wouldn't nap so instead of getting public transport home I walked in an effort to get a pram nap. Didn't work either.

On the way I picked up an item I'd ordered from a naice clothes shop chain, on Kings Rd where I was the only customer in the store. I spent £££ on the item and asked the lady if she minded if I quickly popped into one of the change rooms to feed the baby as he was probably dehydrated by this time. She said no, it was a health and safety issue. English wasn't her first language so I repeated myself slightly differently to ensure I was understood... I'd just be taking my dress off on the change room and sitting on the stool... she said no, not possible, but there is a Starbucks two doors down, I should try there.
As I wasn't keen to remove my dress in Starbucks, I carried on home as quickly as possible in order to get some milk into him (I had offered him water a number of times but he's not very keen on that yet).

Before I make any kind of official complaint... I ask you all, was IBU to do this? What are the legal rights of people to bf in a shop? I could obviously have pretended I was tying on a dress, taken baby in there and done it anyway...
And surely it's not actually a healthy and safety thing... folks get up to all sorts in dressing cubicles.

OP posts:
Cailleach666 · 07/09/2017 12:38

It's time England had similar laws to Scotland regarding breastfeeding.

Anyone preventing or hindering a woman from breastfeeding in public, which means a store, a bus, a cafe- ( anywhere the baby has the right to be) can be arrested and charged.

It is a criminal offence to prevent a woman breastfeeding.

ICJump · 07/09/2017 12:40

Certainly so helped out a customer who need something extra? Wouldn't letting a woman use a change room to breastfeed be similar?

certainlynotsusan · 07/09/2017 12:41

But she wasn't being prevented as such. She could have stripped off in the shop presumably, they just didn't want her occupying their changing room.

toddlepip · 07/09/2017 12:41

If they had four cubicles she was just being a twat.

NoProblemForMe · 07/09/2017 12:41

IC So you'd think it kind and helpful for an ill or elderly person to be out of sight in a changing room where nobody could help them if they deteriorated? Righty ho.

There's a difference between being a jobsworth ("no you cannot sit down and recover in the public area of the shop") and utter stupidity ("yeah, go and plonk yourself down where nobody can see you when you pass out")

Bahhhhhumbug · 07/09/2017 12:43

H&S rep here for USDAW so obviously shop floors are our area. I would say she didn't break the law as she didn't treat you any differently from any other woman not breastfeeding. I.e. if another woman walked in ( without a baby ) and asked if she could go and sit in the changing room for any other reason than trying something on then she most likely would be refused too.

ICJump · 07/09/2017 12:45

But offering them some assistance? That would be the right thing to do? That's what I'm getting a here. How is a chair next a til ok for an older person, but using a change room for a breastfeed is not? That's the unfavourable bit.

It's not it was a Saturday morning with cues.

4 empty cubicles

toddlepip · 07/09/2017 12:45

But if you know you'll need to breastfeed why on earth would you go out for hours in a dress you can't breastfeed in?! HmmConfused

And I say this as someone that's been breastfeeding now for four solid years.

certainlynotsusan · 07/09/2017 12:45

If we were busy I would probably have got into trouble for letting them.

No one ever asked me so I never had to work out what to do (it was only a holiday/weekend job when I was a student so I was never very senior)

I'm not saying the shop were right (or wrong).

I'm just saying a changing cubicle is a bad place for an elderly or poorly person.

I think, like so many things, it's one of those things where, when you ask the person may be obliged to say no. If you just did it then they'd never know.

Take a fistful of clothes in and breastfeed to your heart's content - who would know?

I have

Cailleach666 · 07/09/2017 12:48

*Take a fistful of clothes in and breastfeed to your heart's content - who would know?

I have*

That's what I would have done too.

I have breastfed for a total of seven years with mby children. I have never asked anyone's permission to do it anywhere.

Liiinoo · 07/09/2017 12:49

I breastfed two children for 22 months, we were out and about a lot and never had any issues or problems with anyone saying anything adverse or even looking at me askance (and this was in the 90s long before the legislation referred to upthread).

I think OP was unreasonable to ask to use the changing room of a small shop. BFIng is not always speedy so she could have been in there 10/20 minutes (or for my youngest who was an incredibly relaxed slow feeder 40 minutes). If her being there meant other putative customers couldn't come in and use the changing room themstore could end up,losing sales. In a bigger store with several changing rooms the request would be more reasonable. And the Kings Road isn't long, so as the OP herself said she could have walked up to Peter Jones and used their excellent facilities.

DJBaggySmalls · 07/09/2017 12:51

They cant stop you if you need to breastfeed. They cant refuse to allow you to use the changing room.

Twistmeandturnme · 07/09/2017 13:01

I think that YABU.
Legally no shop can stop you breastfeeding on their premises but are not obliged to find you somewhere private to do it.
Personally, I do not understand why someone would choose to breastfeed anywhere they would not eat a snack themselves. A park bench, tick; a toilet, no tick; a swimming pool, no tick; a café, tick; a changing cubicle, no tick. It was your wish to remove your dress that this shop would not allow, not the breastfeeding.

Daydreamerbynight · 07/09/2017 13:10

Sometimes it's not a case of being able to choose where to breastfeed though, although I appreciate that a changing room is not a right.

hjublen · 07/09/2017 13:28

I think YABU.
If you were going out with a breastfed baby you should have worn something which you could breastfeed in without getting undressed. Why should a small shop lose the use of a changing room because you didn't think ahead? If you had worn a loose top you could have sat in a cafe and breastfed for an hour and there wouldn't have been a problem. I breastfed 4 children in restaurants, cafes, and on garden walls if they were hungry and never felt the need to ask permission or complain to anyone.

Cailleach666 · 07/09/2017 13:40

Personally, I do not understand why someone would choose to breastfeed anywhere they would not eat a snack themselves.

But babies are not adults.
An adult can generally hold off from eating, a baby can't. And it isn't good for a breastfeeding mother to delay feeding either.

I can think of lots of places that I have breastfed where I as as adult wouldn't eat a snack.
In a dentist's waiting room, in a church at a funeral. In a library, in a department store, in a swimming pool changing room. walking round a supermarket, while having my hair cut at the hairdressers.

Danceswithwarthogs · 07/09/2017 13:52

Surprised at the amount of people attacking the OP for the circumstances she found herself in.... as if every parent is infallible and babies always follow a strict schedule... surely we've all been caught out at times (wore wrong outfit, forgot PE kit or accidently left baby wipes out of bag etc) - a little bit of kindness and understanding goes a long way when someone's having a bad day or the plan changes.

If the whole episode has upset you, it is worth contacting the store. It may just be a one off or a member of staff misunderstanding policy/rules. It's not like you're sad-facing in the newspaper.

hibbledobble · 07/09/2017 13:53

Places aren't allowed to stop you breastfeeding but they aren't obliged to provide a private place for you to do so. I imagine the sales assistant might be concerned about other customers needing the changing rooms.

Cailleach666 · 07/09/2017 14:20

I Scotland the woman would have had the legal right to breastfeed in the changing room.

Notagainmun · 07/09/2017 14:23

Not very good customer service and rather mean. As others have said they can't stop you but they don't have to go out of their way to accommodate you by providing a seat and somewhere private.

Westfacing · 07/09/2017 14:27

I don't believe you - unless you name the shop. I live nearby so will go and check them out!

SquirmOfEels · 07/09/2017 14:33

If they don't have the facilities, then they don't.

I think what the assistant did wrong was to try to shuffle you off to Starbucks (equally unsuitable, I guess) when there is the fantastic parents room at Peter Jones only a hundred yards or so away.

They sometimes even have glider/rocking chairs for the comfort of feeding mothers (I think that depends on what old display models are available), but always somewhere to sit down, plenty of space and a water cooler.

Original poster
cakeandteajustforme · 07/09/2017 14:36

Thank you to those who have been empathetic to my plight.

To those continuing to suggest I change my attire - I did not intend to be out for as long as I did so at the time of dressing I did not think I would need to breastfeed in a public place. Babies of course have other ideas so I thought taking the long way home would be best for naps, but that got the feeding out of sync.

In any case I have heard back from the shop with their policy:
.....
Thank you for your email regarding our Store Policies.

We can confirm that breastfeeding is welcome within any of our stores.

However, as we do not have toilet facilities within the store for customers, we do not have designated areas for breastfeeding.

If you would prefer to be in private, one of the store assistants will be able to help set up a private area for you.

Alternatively, we can make arrangements on the shop floor for you.

If you are pre-planning a visit to one of our stores, please let us know so that we are able to make the experience as pleasant as possible for you.

We hope this information helps and if you have any further questions please do not hesitate to contact to us.
....

So the response from the assistant when I visited was out of sync with their policy. Perhaps I'll explain my observations of what happened in the store in response to the email, along the lines of:

Thank you for the email. I would like to bring to your attention my experience in your Kings Rd store on Monday afternoon, out of keeping with your policy. While picking up a pair of boots I'd bought online, the sales assistant was very helpful until I requested that I use the change room quickly to breastfeed my son before I left. She suggested I couldn't as it would be a health and safety issue and if I needed to breastfeed I could use the Starbucks a few doors down.
I would request that you provide some additional training to staff members on how they can better accommodate breastfeeding women in store, particularly when one is the only customer in the shop!

Any suggestions before I send?

OP posts:
Westfacing · 07/09/2017 14:42

Having re-read the OP, as the shop in question is two doors down from Starbucks, it must be the small boutique that was East?

DanHumphreyIsA · 07/09/2017 14:42

This is probably far fetched, but is there any way she misunderstood and thought you wanted a baby changing room instead? I just find it weird she would direct you to a Starbucks, other than them having a baby changing room and her thinking you wanted to change your baby. (Would also explain the H&S reason, with the possibility of leaving a dirty nappy there)

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread