Your husband isn't bloody psychic!

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Just having a catchup with a friend, I think I'm right and she is BU, my friend thinks she is right and her husband is BU. So we are turning to Mumsnet for answers.

On Saturday was my friends 30th birthday.
A few weeks prior, my friends DH had asked her would she like a party. My friend told her DH no She doesn't want a big fuss. He then asked her what she would like. My friend said a meal at her favourite food place and gave him a few ideas for gifts.

So Saturday comes around, she gets the gifts she asked for off her DH, a few of us pop around in the morning with gifts.
At the night she is taken for the meal and a few drinks and that's how the night ends.

My friend is annoyed at her DH for not putting in more "effort" and not arranging a surprise get together. Her view is just because she said No, doesn't mean he should have taken notice of her answer, it was a big birthday so he should have done something big for it.

My view is she told her husband no. No means No. If she wanted a party or get together why not just tell him?

So who is BU?

definitely your friend, she sounds mad!

She is!

Haha, poor bloke!
Your friend is being totally unreasonable

Your friend. Her husband arranged a lovely birthday exactly as she requested. Not his fault his wife is a flake. No means no. If he had arranged something against her wishes she would be the first to bitch he did not respect her wishes.

It sounds like he's damned if he does, damned if he doesn't.
She is definitely being unreasonable here.

Ok she is BU however I think she wants him to surprise her without her having to say she wants a surprise party as then its not really a surprise.

Poor bloke! Sounds like your friend set him to fail.

This is the kind of thing men complain about women for all the time - not being mind readers.
SIBU and ridiculous.

Reverse?

Is the 'friend' actually you @kungfupandaworksout16 ???

She's bonkers. If she said no and he ignored her and arranged a big party then she would be fully entitled to be pissed off. I would be.

Your friend is being totally unreasonable.

Your friend is being very unreasonable.

She's nuts.

Your friend is BU. Husband blameless and unfairly getting stick when he'd gone with her expressed wishes.

Your friend is being unreasonable. Not getting anything at all in response to "I don't want a fuss made on my birthday" would be a bit off, but doing what she asked for in response to a direct "I would like this, this and this for my birthday" is fine. Having said that would the DH have known that his wife was the type to enjoy a surprise party? If so he should have had the imagination to just organise it without asking her first.

She is. Why say she didn't want a get together if she did want one? Feel sorry for her DH.

Your friend is definitely unreasonable here. If I told my dh I didn't want a party and he organised one I'd be pissed off as I hate fuss and being centre of attention.

We had similar with mil on her birthday said she'd like a nice meal with us all so that's what we did. Afterwards she was pissed off that we didn't plan her a party

No user not a reverse.

My friend has just asked
" But wouldn't you expect some kind of surprise on a big birthday? He stuck exactly to the list of gifts and didn't deviate from the list "

Fucks sake. Your friend IBU.

Massively.

I absolutely hate it when people expect their partners to know that just because they said one thing they clearly meant totally the opposite.

It's like when you ask a toddler if they want their red cup or their blue cup and they say 'blue' so you give them the blue cup as requested, and then they inexplicably throw the blue cup across the room and have a massive tantrum because it's not the red one which is what they really wanted even though they said blue and OBVIOUSLY YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YOU FUCKING ARSEHOLE OF A PARENT.

Essentially what I'm saying is that your friend is a spoilt dickhead with the mentality of a baby. I don't think I'm being too harsh.

She hasn't expressed this too her Husband thank god! Just having a little moan, I think she visioned a big deal over her 30th but her Husband took her at her word and did a low key thing.

Oh no, she was being totally unreasonable. This is the kind of game-playing stuff I hate, where someone is supposed to double and triple guess every answer in case theres some kind of SECRET reverse meaning you'll be reprimanded for not getting - but dont guess wrong and do something if there wasnt! Who has time in their life to be constantly on alert for all that?

But wouldn't you expect some kind of surprise on a big birthday? He stuck exactly to the list of gifts and didn't deviate from the list

'Some kind of surprise' would be, perhaps, a small extra gift in addition to what she'd asked for, and would be nice but certainly not essential by any means - I wouldn't expect it.

'Some kind of surprise' is absolutely NOT an organised get-together with friends when she'd specifically said she didn't want one.

Your friends are all wrong!

"But wouldn't you expect some kind of surprise on a big birthday? He stuck exactly to the list of gifts and didn't deviate from the list "

Depends on whether your friend has already made clear to her DH on previous birthdays and Christmases that she likes surprises. If she has then I can understand why she'd be a bit peed off but ultimately if she wanted a party she should have asked for a party instead of using her big birthday as an opportunity to test him.

Oh dear she is a spoilt little princess isn't she? Her poor dh