Your husband isn't bloody psychic!

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

Just having a catchup with a friend, I think I'm right and she is BU, my friend thinks she is right and her husband is BU. So we are turning to Mumsnet for answers.

On Saturday was my friends 30th birthday.
A few weeks prior, my friends DH had asked her would she like a party. My friend told her DH no She doesn't want a big fuss. He then asked her what she would like. My friend said a meal at her favourite food place and gave him a few ideas for gifts.

So Saturday comes around, she gets the gifts she asked for off her DH, a few of us pop around in the morning with gifts.
At the night she is taken for the meal and a few drinks and that's how the night ends.

My friend is annoyed at her DH for not putting in more "effort" and not arranging a surprise get together. Her view is just because she said No, doesn't mean he should have taken notice of her answer, it was a big birthday so he should have done something big for it.

My view is she told her husband no. No means No. If she wanted a party or get together why not just tell him?

So who is BU?

She is unreasonable. She should say what she means and mean what she says.
If she wanted a surprise then she should have played for time with "I'll have to think about it" and then hinted heavily at a friend, for them to pass the message on to DH.

No means no.
Unless it means yes.
Husbands should know when no means no and no means yes.

(Sarcasm).

My she did the exact same thing to me about his 30th! He said he didn't want a party but then afterwards was disappointed that I didn't arrange one! He still brings it up 5 years later to tease me with, I know it's supposed to be a joke but it drives me mad. I think it's this testing mentality, I.e. You don't really love me if you can't read my mind.

Oh fgs. What sort if surprise gift are you supposed to give in a big b'day??

I'm with you in that. Her DH isn't a psychic and had no way to know she wanted something else. Like what? Jewellery, a weekend away?

I would imagine that a piece of special jewellery or a weekend away is a fairly normal thing to give someone as a surprise on a big birthday (finances allowing of course). Almost everyone I know has had something like this for their big birthdays.

If this happened to me then I don't think I would ever say anything to my DH though.

Lol! Your friend is mental. She is BU.

Your friend sounds like a complete idiot.

Your friend is definitely an unreasonable snowflake. She told her DH she didn't want a big fuss so she didn't get one. She told him what she would like and she got it. What's so unreasonable about that? .

If this is what she's usually like no wonder her DH played safe and followed her to the letter. Why would you risk getting a surprise present she might not like or want?

She needs to grow up and get a grip.

Oh and agree 30 isn't a "big" birthday.

She sounds immature, I can see a 13 year old might act like that but as 30 she should be more growm up about birthdays.

I guess she's not going to be a fan of MN when you read her the replies

So no means yes does it!? A confusing and potentially calamitous path to tread...poor bloke. If she doesn't appreciate him there are plenty of women who would, he sounds great!

Your friend is absolutely nuts. Poor bloke.

How hard would it have been for her to say 'surprise me, please. I'd really love something special but it's up to you what you do'?!

What surprises does she associate with a big birthday ? Totally curious. I guess what she means is she wanted rhe gifts she said as the basic and then she wanted more on top. Nothing specific she just wanted more stuff and things?

A bit princessy, grabby and demanding for my liking, sorry, op.

That's utterly unhinged! Also, what PP have said re. reinforcing stereotypes.

I couldn't be with someone that manipulative!

Friend is BU.
Reminds me of my DM many moons ago - she told my sister and me not to get flowers for Mother's Day, so we didn't. What a surprise when DM was upset!!!

My friend has sort of backed down now on the surprise get together as she agrees shes being, a bit unreasonable, but does he think should got her surprise gifts and wowed her instead of following the list

She thinks he should have made much more of an effort in making sure her 30th was memorable.

I hope your friend's husband has more luck with his next wife,

Your 30th isn't even a big birthday.

Your friend needs to get over herself because she's coming across as a grabby needy narcissistic whine!

she told my sister and me not to get flowers for Mother's Day, so we didn't. What a surprise when DM was upset!!!

We did that to our dad once, on Father's Day. Never again.

Your 30th isn't even a big birthday.

Of course it is.

Are you sure she's 30 and not three?

Well it was memorable - they will both remember that when she turned 30 she behaved like a 5yo!!

She wants someone who doesn't listen to her or respect her wishes.

Very strange.

I think she should dump him. He's too nice for her.

IfYouHappenToSee It's women like her that give rise to the myth that sometimes "no" means "yes" I just thought the same thing, but didn't know if it was too much of a leap. But it is all part of the same idea that we women are soooo cryptic and that whatever we say is open to manly interpretation.

I think that the expectation that the H put in a little bit of leg work and find some small surprise on top of the prescribed list is not unreasonable. But 30 isn't really a big birthday like 40 or 50 in my book, so she is BU about that bit!