Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome a dog when DH doesn't like dogs

527 replies

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 09:48

Please help me. I have 2 other threads running about this through a couple of stages of my situation.

Long story short (more background in my other threads) I had a dog with my ex, Bella, she is a cross breed who is approx 12. Ex kept her but now he's moved abroad with work and can't take her which was the original plan. Bella has been in kennels for a few months.

My DH and I have preschool twins and a cat. I have exhausted all rehoming options with friends/family. I had hurdles to overcome before I could consider rehoming her myself.

I love this dog, she was my baby. DH does not like dogs. He listened to me and how I felt about Bella and her situation. Taking her ourselves wasn't a distinct possibility until now. So we've not needed to have a proper chat about it as all the obstacles were reasons not to take her. These have all been sorted, we could take her.

DH has now said he doesn't want to. He says we're on complete opposites about it. I like dogs, he doesn't. I have an emotional attachment to her, he doesn't. He doesn't like the noise, the clattering of claws on laminate, the barking goes right through him, being tied to having to get back to a dog etc. The walks, the extra responsibility etc. I see these as things we just have to deal with and overcome.

He says he'd do it but only because he knows it would make me happy.

He's stressed at work and in general, he's been pretty miserable lately as a whole.

Now I'm in limbo. We wouldn't be taking right away, there would be a transitional period for everyone to get used to everyone and she would stay in kennels until then.

I've asked if we could take her as an interim and see if we could rehome her to someone else but at least getting her out of kennels. And with me secretly hoping DH would let us keep her.... He replied that I wouldn't want to give her up.

AIBU to take her despite DH's feelings?

OP posts:
lucydogz · 06/09/2017 15:21

Also she's 15 and will be with us for a long time yet

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/09/2017 15:23

And is 12 really that old for a dog?

Most breeds live between 12 - 14 years.

A few are long-lived (up to 18 years - very rarely 20), and some very large breeds are short-lived (5-8 years).

Cats live a lot longer on average.

bready31 · 06/09/2017 15:26

I've only read the first page of comments.

I would never rehome one of my pets. In my opinion, when you take an animal into your home, they are yours for life. Animals need to be loved and wanted, just like children.

The dogs was yours, as much as she was your ex's. Your responsibility.

You should rehome the dog with you. If you had a child from a past relationship and your DH said he didn't want them to live with you because he doesn't like the noise they make, what would you do? Probably leave him.

Your dog, whom I'm sure you love very much, should be cared for by you, especially as I'm sure she's suffered enough as an old dog in kennels.

lucydogz · 06/09/2017 15:31

So we come to the crux of the thread - IMO dogs are in no way like children. They're dogs. Nobody should be cruel to animals but we don't have a moral duty towards them.

PoisonousSmurf · 06/09/2017 15:32

Sorry, but your DH and your children come before any dog. However loved they were before.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/09/2017 15:34

And for those people who say the OP should show more respect for her DH by not taking the dog - respect works both ways.

Perhaps he should respect her wishes by accepting the dog into their family (as he has reluctantly offered to do).

OP- if you take her, as someone else said, it will either work out or it won't, but you will know that you have done your best for her. If you leave her in kennels, YOU are the one who will feel guilty as hell about it, and that guilt will affect your mood and relationship, and maybe even your health.

KeiraH · 06/09/2017 15:37

My husband has a cat, which I unfortunately have to live with. It's making me so miserable. I am not a cat person, I don't like them, I just never knew how much until I was forced to live with one. They smell, no matter how much you think your pet doesn't smell, the smell hits you as soon as you walk through the door. She is old and started shitting by the door more often than not. I can't stand her brushing up against me. Then there is hair everywhere, makes my skin crawl. I am unhappy, I am pretty sure the cat can sense it and is unhappy but we have to live with each other so there we are. If he is really not a dog person don't put him through it. Maybe he ll grow to love her, but it's just as likely that he won't.

Taylor22 · 06/09/2017 15:41

If I was your OH I'd tell you to go and find another landlord who allows pets because it's not coming to live in our house.

You gave up the dog. It's not comparable at all to the cat. You could've left him if the cat was to much.

I'd absolutely despise living with a dog. I know I'd be wishing it would just go every day. People saying it could only live a few years and that's nothing. Seems like a hell of a long time when you're living with something g you'd hate.

What if it costs money? How will you insure such an old dog? How much will its vet bills be? I'd be fuming again if it took money away from the family.

Dinosaurgalore · 06/09/2017 15:44

If you had a child from a past relationship and your DH said he didn't want them to live with you because he doesn't like the noise they make, what would you do?

Not remotely the same thing, firstly the dog was not with her when the met, dated, moved in together and married. OP had not seen the dog for 6 years. You can't seriously compare a child with a dog.

I'd rather have my dogs than my oh and my kids

Christ. This is where I have a problem with fanatical pet owners, that is not a normal sentence.

Tazerface · 06/09/2017 15:45

One she took responsibility for when she got her

And relinquished in the six years she hasn't seen the animal! If people are going to insist on referring to pets as babies, then OP is at best an extremely lax NRP and at worst completely absent. Stop putting a load of emotional shit on something that is only relevant to OP and no one else - let alone her husband and kids!

MycatsaPirate · 06/09/2017 15:56

I'm glad to see that others think you should take the dog.

I just couldn't imagine leaving a pet to live out it's final years in a kennel or rehoming centre.

When I met DP he had a cat. I love cats. In fact I love all animals. I have a soft heart. DP's cat was not overly friendly but I persevered and won him over and he now loves me best (even if DP says otherwise). Dp was adamant that the cat would be an only cat and would not tolerate another one. Then we found a stray. After scanning for a chip (none) and taking her in (because how can you leave it on the street all manky and flea ridden?) she soon fell in love with cat and they were the best of friends. Sadly stray got run over.

So after this I begged to get a rescue. We went for a 'look'. We came home with another girl cat, aged 8. A couple of years later we moved. Then a friend had a baby and could no longer keep her cat (aged 2) so she asked would we take her and we did. Last year DD2 and I went to visit a rescue for an open day and ended up coming home with cat 4. Also a timid girl who had been in rescue for months and overlooked.

We said that was it. Four was the maximum. Then about 2 months ago the woman down the road decided she no longer wanted her cat in the house and just locked it out. Permanently. Guess where he is now living?? Yep, we have five. Tomorrow I take him in for blood tests and it's likely he will be on lifelong medication (he's 13, same as original Cat). I have said to DP that I know he didn't want another cat but as he said, you can't just leave it out there. And what chance does he have of finding a home? He's 13, black, wonky tooth and a life time of meds which will need to be paid for.

Your DH must have a good heart as he is willing to take her on for your sake. I am pretty sure he will fall in love with her.

Mittens1969 · 06/09/2017 16:01

I think the best course of action would be to take her on but rehome if it doesn't work out. You've been given details of an organisation that rehomes elderly dogs.

From what you said, OP, I don't get the impression Bella has lived with children before. She possibly won't cope well. My cat didn't at all and it made her ill. That could happen to either pet now. It isn't fair to either of them if that happens.

And if after visiting Bella your DH says he really doesn't want her, please don't emotionally blackmail him.

crrrzy · 06/09/2017 16:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

FluffyWhiteTowels · 06/09/2017 16:24

OP I think it will all be decided when DH and DC meet Bella. Followed by a trial at home. Discussions can only be had once you have all had a chance to meet Bella.

I completely understand your difficulties and desire to want the best for her as she was obviously hugely important in your life years ago.

I hope it works put

KarmaNoMore · 06/09/2017 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShadowWeaver · 06/09/2017 16:34

Aww, I really hope your DP comes round to the idea. DP really didn't want a dog, but let me get one anyway. I do all walks/feeding etc,. DP will play with her now and then.

Out of curiosity, did Bella remember you after 6 years?

JPTB · 06/09/2017 17:03

It's NOT the same as OP accepting his cat. She accepted the new relationship - at that stage, she could easily have walked away from the relationship. The DH now can't.
I cannot abide dogs - they stink, they take up too much time, space, they are dirty, they lick their bums then lick their fur, the rub up everywhere, lick kids, fur everywhere - utterly revolting. I would not put up with having one in my home. To impose this dog on someone who doesn't want one is horrible.
When my parents split when I was 12, my father got a dog. I hated being at his house. I never got used to the dog, did not like it, couldn't abide the smell.

user1499333856 · 06/09/2017 17:09

YABU if you were to insist Bella comes to live with you but you're not insisting.

Your husband said you would take Bella on together and she would become your dog. Take Bella and be prepared to shoulder all the work. Anything he offers is a bonus.

She doesn't have a long life left, you said your husband is kind. Your husband will come round to her if you make sure the dog isn't a terrible decision.

Jaxhog · 06/09/2017 17:11

What has your ex done to re-home his dog? Surely it's his responsibility to find a home?

But if he can't sort this out, I'd try it and see. Although your problem may not be dog and DH, but dog and cat. If they get on (introduce them carefully), your DH may come round.

FatBottomedGal · 06/09/2017 17:14

YABU for marrying someone who doesn't like dogs Grin

Knottyash5 · 06/09/2017 17:14

If you had a child from a past relationship and your DH said he didn't want them to live with you because he doesn't like the noise they make, what would you do? Probably leave him

I think children are a bit different to a dog you've not seen for 6 years.

Mittens1969 · 06/09/2017 17:19

I think a lot of posters who would never want pets are projecting their own feelings here. The OP's DH doesn't dislike the idea of having a pet as he himself has a cat. And the OP isn't insisting, it's a case of 'let's see how it goes'.

I think it could go either way. Dogs do shed a lot of fur, but so do cats. They smell; so do cats, those who own them don't notice. Cats lick their bums as well.

The barking would annoy me, and I wouldn't have to bath the dog and take her for a walk every day, even if it's raining.

Mittens1969 · 06/09/2017 17:21

@Jaxhog, that's true, and dog and children. An elderly dog might not appreciate the attention of preschoolers. Bella isn't used to children. This may well not be the best home for her.

FromAtoBin21months · 06/09/2017 17:31

If he's miserable at the moment why bring him more misery. I know exactly how he feels when dp moved in with me he came with two dogs and guess who looks after them? Me . Sooner they're gone the better

chockwockydoda · 06/09/2017 17:52

Dinosaurgalore

I'd rather have my dogs than my oh and my kids

Christ. This is where I have a problem with fanatical pet owners, that is not a normal sentence.

Get a grip it's clearly a tongue in cheek comment.