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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To rehome a dog when DH doesn't like dogs

527 replies

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 09:48

Please help me. I have 2 other threads running about this through a couple of stages of my situation.

Long story short (more background in my other threads) I had a dog with my ex, Bella, she is a cross breed who is approx 12. Ex kept her but now he's moved abroad with work and can't take her which was the original plan. Bella has been in kennels for a few months.

My DH and I have preschool twins and a cat. I have exhausted all rehoming options with friends/family. I had hurdles to overcome before I could consider rehoming her myself.

I love this dog, she was my baby. DH does not like dogs. He listened to me and how I felt about Bella and her situation. Taking her ourselves wasn't a distinct possibility until now. So we've not needed to have a proper chat about it as all the obstacles were reasons not to take her. These have all been sorted, we could take her.

DH has now said he doesn't want to. He says we're on complete opposites about it. I like dogs, he doesn't. I have an emotional attachment to her, he doesn't. He doesn't like the noise, the clattering of claws on laminate, the barking goes right through him, being tied to having to get back to a dog etc. The walks, the extra responsibility etc. I see these as things we just have to deal with and overcome.

He says he'd do it but only because he knows it would make me happy.

He's stressed at work and in general, he's been pretty miserable lately as a whole.

Now I'm in limbo. We wouldn't be taking right away, there would be a transitional period for everyone to get used to everyone and she would stay in kennels until then.

I've asked if we could take her as an interim and see if we could rehome her to someone else but at least getting her out of kennels. And with me secretly hoping DH would let us keep her.... He replied that I wouldn't want to give her up.

AIBU to take her despite DH's feelings?

OP posts:
2rebecca · 06/09/2017 13:51

I don't like dogs and our lifestyle is dog unfriendly. I can't be bothered with cats either. I don't really get the wole pet thing. One species shouldn't keep another as a pet for their entertainment. Protect the habitats of animals in the wild rather than fussing over them in houses.

chockwockydoda · 06/09/2017 13:53

I'd rather have my dogs than my oh and my kids so I would say take the dog. He probably won't even notice the dog is there if you do everything for it.

peachgreen · 06/09/2017 14:01

I'd rather have my dogs than my oh and my kids

Shock
GahBuggerit · 06/09/2017 14:02

Awww OP, I really hope it all goes ok, you sound like you've got your head screwed on and not jumping into it lightly.

I have to say some of these posts are a bit........I dunno..........almost like they are salivating at the thought that they can sway the ops decision. Just remember all the things you're saying about OP considering her DH's feelings, happiness and having respect goes both ways.

Keletubbie · 06/09/2017 14:08

Bring your poor old dog home.

It'll go one of two ways - your DH will either get used to having her around and perhaps grow fond of her, or it'll be hell. If it's hell, at least you tried. And if she's 12, whatever you choose is not going to be a long term thing sadly.

fenneltea · 06/09/2017 14:08

I would take the dog, twelve is old, it deserves a comfortable loving home for however long it has left.
Chances are your husband will grow to love it.
My husband had had nothing to do with cats or horses but is the biggest softy towards them now after having them.

Mittens1969 · 06/09/2017 14:11

@2rebecca, except that the OP's DH isn't against the idea of having pets, he actually has a cat. So this is not a post for people who hate the idea of pets.

The OP is also not forcing her DH. She's arranged a visit to see how things progress.

skiploom · 06/09/2017 14:12

Loving Yes I am, its presence is driving me round the bend to the extent that I hate being home and do everything to stay out of the house as much as possible, and it's been years.

summerholidayhat · 06/09/2017 14:16

The only thing you can do in this scenario is ask your DH if he would be ok with taking on the dog. Ask, not pressurise. If he says no, accept that. If he says yes, then great. He's an adult, it is his house as well as yours, and he has every right to refuse.

Living with a dog is fairy unpleasant if you don't like them. They smell. They make your house smell. Most shed. Even those that don't still smell! I think dog owners get used to it as pretty much none of them think their houses smell, but it's the first thing I notice when I walk in the door.

This situation is no different to deciding whether to get a new pet, as to the DH this animal is a new unknown pet.

Severide08 · 06/09/2017 14:19

I am I would take her camp .She is 12 that will make her increxibably hard to regime. My DH had never had a dog as a child and probably would never have had a dog ,we now have 3.One is 3 yrs older than Bella and is very spritely,I am dreading the day when she is no longer with us . All 3 are very much loved family members who my husband now has most evenings at least one next to him.
She won't have much longer bless her ,she should be able to live her last how ever long it be years in happiness.

skiploom · 06/09/2017 14:22

It won't be happiness though, because she will sense that she's living with someone who doesn't want her.

BannedFromNarnia · 06/09/2017 14:27

FWIW I think you are being a bit unreasonable but I understand why. The dog is pretty old and your husband is not totally unwilling: I think as long as he's not totally unhappy with it, rescue the dog and promise not to have another one.

RolandDeschain · 06/09/2017 14:31

I would take her. She's unlikely to be rehomed at that age and if it were me I couldn't bear to think about her stuck in kennels when she could have a loving home with me.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 06/09/2017 14:36

One she took responsibility for when she got her.

This

Collidascope · 06/09/2017 14:39

Bring her home. She's 12 so unfortunately it's not going to be a long commitment. Old dogs tend to be pretty unobtrusive anyway. It's not like you're bringing a pup home.

sonjadog · 06/09/2017 14:40

I think in your circumstances you should push him to take her in. It´s not the same as adopting a dog from an unknown background, and realistically it won´t be for more than a few years. You can always promise him that this will be a one off dog-wise. In the course of a long relationship, a few years living with an elderly dog is not much.

Definitely make sure he goes along tonight. If he is an animal lover, seeing Bella in person in the kennel might be what he needs to change his mind...

Coulddowithanap · 06/09/2017 14:47

If it was some random dog then I would say it would be unreasonable but this is your dog.

Similar thing happened with my ex and a cat, one night he just dumped the poor thing on my doorstep. I'm not a cat person but couldn't get rid of her, she was jointly mine after all.

SelkieQualia · 06/09/2017 14:52

Is it worth asking your husband if living with the dog could be bareable if the things that most concern him could be addressed? Ie, keeping claws short so they clatter less?

honeyroar · 06/09/2017 14:59

Id be devastated in your position. Surely he could cope for a couple of years to give a home to an elderly dog that you've loved for years, rather than letting it rot in kennels? It's not the same as wanting to get a new, young dog that's going to live for over a decade. It's doing the right thing for a creature that you're emotionally attached to. I'd respect my husband's decision if he really said no, but he would massively go down in my opinion. I guess you'd massively go down in his opinion if you insisted. I'd be wondering if we were actually a good match.

I've got s 12 yr old dog. She's much slower than she used to be, she sleeps a lot. She just wants a warm bed, food, short walks and a bit of fuss. She's much less work than she was as a youngster. I'd hate the thought of her having to go into kennels for the end of her life.

I hope you can work something out and help this dog from your past.

Bluelonerose · 06/09/2017 15:05

My ex dh wanted a dog and I gave it and got one. Found out I am not a dog person. I couldn't bear to give him up to rspca etc coz she is a lovely dog but I just wasn't a dog person.
My mom eventually had him. Both he and I are happier.
Can't you take him and still try to rehome him?

MissDuke · 06/09/2017 15:08

OP you seem such a lovely and reasonable person. I really hope this can get resolved in your favour.

StarryCorpulentCunt · 06/09/2017 15:12

I would take her. For starters getting a dog is a responsibility for life, not just until you split up. Secondly as another pp said, this is unlikely to be a long-term thing. 12 is old for most breeds. I wouldn't let her live out her last year's in kennels.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 06/09/2017 15:13

On one hand, the fact that she is a older dog makes it easier. You think that it is just 2-3 years od commitment.
But, how would the cat react? I have seen cats litterally die of depression at the arrival of a new pet. That would be massively unfair.
Also old dogs can be huge commitments: they smell, they may get incontinent, change completely the quality of life of the home inhabitants. There is a very big difference between living with a relatively low maintenance cat and a dog, no matter how lovely it is.

lucydogz · 06/09/2017 15:19

To me the OP sounds like the usual aibu poster who comes on to be validated not disagreed with. It's perfectly obvious from her posts that she'll take the dog. Fwiw we have a much loved older dog that I wouldn't inflict on an unwilling partner. She smells, sheds everywhere and is occasionally incontinent. Plus having a dog means you have to change the way you live.great if you both love the dog but a real pita if one of you doesn't

Samoyedydog · 06/09/2017 15:20

OP you are not being unreasonable! She was your dog you need to get her. She's 12 so not hard work like a puppy! Your DH is being very unreasonable I think. I love my dogs like they're my kids and would end my relationship if my DH was being like this about one of my dogs to be honest Blush