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AIBU?

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Original poster

To rehome a dog when DH doesn't like dogs

527 replies

butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 09:48

Please help me. I have 2 other threads running about this through a couple of stages of my situation.

Long story short (more background in my other threads) I had a dog with my ex, Bella, she is a cross breed who is approx 12. Ex kept her but now he's moved abroad with work and can't take her which was the original plan. Bella has been in kennels for a few months.

My DH and I have preschool twins and a cat. I have exhausted all rehoming options with friends/family. I had hurdles to overcome before I could consider rehoming her myself.

I love this dog, she was my baby. DH does not like dogs. He listened to me and how I felt about Bella and her situation. Taking her ourselves wasn't a distinct possibility until now. So we've not needed to have a proper chat about it as all the obstacles were reasons not to take her. These have all been sorted, we could take her.

DH has now said he doesn't want to. He says we're on complete opposites about it. I like dogs, he doesn't. I have an emotional attachment to her, he doesn't. He doesn't like the noise, the clattering of claws on laminate, the barking goes right through him, being tied to having to get back to a dog etc. The walks, the extra responsibility etc. I see these as things we just have to deal with and overcome.

He says he'd do it but only because he knows it would make me happy.

He's stressed at work and in general, he's been pretty miserable lately as a whole.

Now I'm in limbo. We wouldn't be taking right away, there would be a transitional period for everyone to get used to everyone and she would stay in kennels until then.

I've asked if we could take her as an interim and see if we could rehome her to someone else but at least getting her out of kennels. And with me secretly hoping DH would let us keep her.... He replied that I wouldn't want to give her up.

AIBU to take her despite DH's feelings?

OP posts:
isadoradancing123 · 06/09/2017 20:35

Oh hope you take her and I am sure it will be fine, your husband seems to be half way there

zwellers · 06/09/2017 20:38

Bet your ex is laughing . He dumped the problem on you/you choose to make it your problem. You have to sort out the dog. Your dh gets stuck with a dog he dorsnt wamt and your ex doesn't have to worry. How come you didn't feel responsible in the half of the dogs life your ex had her.

AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 06/09/2017 20:39

Just seen update OP.

I'm only giving my view as a per my experience.

I'm sure you will try your best the kids will love it but it will difficult for the cat, there is no escaping that and if it doesn't work I hope it's not the cat that ends up out in the cold.

Best of luck

ArcheryAnnie · 06/09/2017 20:45

zwellers how is your post useful?

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 06/09/2017 20:50

If I was in your situation dp would say yes no arguments liking dogs or not, he would do it because he would want me to be happy. People saying op is bu..her dh is also bu ad the dog ending up god knows where or living out her last days in kennels would make his wife unhappy.
So really he should at least give it a try.

honeyroar · 06/09/2017 20:51

DietCoke i think the cat will be fine. Most cats would. We've mixed in loads of cats with our dogs over the years (two of the dogs were very boisterous), ranging from two abused and extremely timid rescues (who did take four months to be in the same room as the dogs, but now happily snuggle up with them in front of the fire, and the old man from next door's 17 year old timid housecat that was abandoned when he went into a home (I really expected that one to be difficult, but it wasn't at all). In the end, the cats rule the roost. Most outdoor cats have to get used to lots of different cats coming and going in their territory. They're more adaptable than you think. I've always found that if you give the cats space to get away, plus a bit of fuss, food and warmth, they adapt. You can't force them initially, you have to give them time. And an old dog isn't going to be that interested. If it were a puppy it would be more difficult.

AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 06/09/2017 20:55

Honeyroar, maybe just mine then.... but I do believe him to be part Rottweiler part cat....

SoPassRemarkable · 06/09/2017 21:05

I got a dog when I had two cats. Cats had never met a dog, dog had never met a greyhound. Rescue to,d me to do the introduction in a closed room with the dog on a lead.....so cat couldn't run as that would make the dog more likely to chase.

Dog wasn't interested but one cat shot up the bloody chimney! Didn't come out for hours.

Anyway there was a week of the cats mainly sitting in the garden and only coming in at night but it was soon ok. Cats are best mates with current dog.

buckyou · 06/09/2017 21:06

I think it's your and your ex's responsibility to look after the dog. She's probably going to b PTS if you don't have her? This would be a deal breaker for me (would dump husband over for being a twat).

honeyroar · 06/09/2017 21:06

This is what happens in the end. This photo is one of our timid rescue. 5 stone Labrador gets a new bed. 1 stone cat decides he will have the new bed. 5 stone Labrador sleeps on the wooden floor as its too scared to move the cats,

To rehome a dog when DH doesn't like dogs
NeonFlower · 06/09/2017 21:09

I think your partner loves you very much. Glad it went well.

Original poster
butterflyparadise · 06/09/2017 21:11

@honeyroar that's lovely ❤

OP posts:
PinkFluffyFairy · 06/09/2017 21:12

I think you should get Bella back and see how it goes.

ArcheryAnnie · 06/09/2017 21:13

honeyroar your cat is magnificent and your dog is a sweetheart.

kali110 · 06/09/2017 21:18

I'd get her, though id have taken her when i'd left the ex.
I couldn't leave an animal in kennels.
You took on his cat.
If this is that important to you, he should understand.
He doesn't need to be involved.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/09/2017 21:20

My two previous dogs got on fine with cats. I know it is the cat, that has to accept the dog. But Bella you say is an older, gentle girl. I'm so glad you're taking her home. When can you collect her?

RandomMess · 06/09/2017 21:22

I hope it turns out like in our house!

DH now agrees that dog is a little more work than his cats but 1,000 x more rewarding!

Cats are the boss and they mutually tolerate each other for warmth Grin

Frequency · 06/09/2017 21:27

I had a dog with my ex. He couldn't look after her anymore. He offered to me, I gave her to my parents as I had my own and dog would struggle to afford a second one. However, she is still my responsibility. If my parents could no longer care for her and I had a partner telling me he couldn't live with a dog, it wouldn't be my dog looking for a new home...

OP, DH has agreed. Go get Bella and bring her home.

Shell4429 · 06/09/2017 21:28

If I had a DH who wanted to take in a dog I would just say a straight out no. I don't like dogs, don't like being around them to the extent I would move out. He's agreeing to please you but what happens if after the dog moves in he can't cope with it being there? Imagine the tensions. I think YABVU sorry.

Mittens1969 · 06/09/2017 21:35

@Shell4429, But I get the impression you wouldn't want pets at all? The OP's DH has a cat and is clearly an animal lover. He seems to have adjusted and the children are ecstatic. A good ending hopefully, but only time will tell. An update would be lovely, OP.

Riverdale32 · 06/09/2017 21:48

Life is too short not to give it a go. You can only try. I would feel exactly the same if I was in your shoes. I think you are doing the right thing. If it doesn't work you will know you tried. Judging by what happened today I think things will work out just fine. Good luck.

Frazzled2207 · 06/09/2017 22:00

I think you should take the dog. It doesn't appear that the poor thing has many other options. However I would be concerned about the kids forming too much attachment to a dog who in all likelihood won't be around for that long. And also the cat. Some cats really don't like dogs unfortunately.

DixieNormas · 06/09/2017 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DanHumphreyIsA · 06/09/2017 22:48

DixieNormas so sweet!

SealSong · 06/09/2017 22:49

I do hope that Bella gets to come and live with you, OP. She sounds lovely. I hope your DH is coming round to the idea.