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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

On a different table from my OH at a wedding. What do people think about this?

135 replies

raraskirtsandskipants · 05/09/2017 22:08

This isn't so much an AIBU, as my reaction / feelings about this aren't those of your "average" person. I'm just curious to know what others think about this, if they'd be annoyed, or see it as no big deal.

To give some context, I'm a super-anxious person, particularly around social anxiety. I am useless at small-talk, and find situations where i have to chat to people I don't now well / at all really stressful and pretty excruciating. I'm better than I used to be, but will always find these situations very difficult.

Six of us went to a wedding abroad at the weekend. The groom is friends with my OH and his two best friends. I know the groom, and he is lovely. Don't know his new wife well at all, but she is also lovely. They'll have an idea that I can be a bit nervous, but certainly would have no clue of the real level of my anxiety.

Before the reception, I'd been chatting to the other partners, and we'd talked of how we hoped they wouldn't split us up. I said how I really disliked weddings where they put everyone next to someone they don't know so they'll mingle. I get it, but I hate it.

Heading into the reception, we see that I've been sat on a different table to my OH. So, one the the English couples on each table (though not sat together), with me on the same table as one couple, and my OH on the table with the other couple. The only other couple not sat on the same table as each other were the ones that we'd been "swapped" with. I immediately started to get stressed, I actually have a physical reaction in this situation, sweaty palms, racing heart and i go a LOVELY shade of purple. OH was in the loo at the time so i went searching for him, and when I came back my friend had sorted it (by getting the women sat in "my" seat to move to the table that her husband was on). So, all fine. I spent the dinner sat next to a stranger but it was fine as it could be, as I had a friend on the other side of me and my OH just across from me for reassurance.

The logic must have been three English on each table. I kind of get that. But as I said, I know my reaction (so swapping seats) was very much influenced by my wider anxiety issues. What would other people have thought / done about this? Would it have been a more "normal"reaction to think it was absolutely fine and not question the seating plan had been done in that way?

(and in case people are wondering, I do lots of stuff on my own without my DH, I've backpacked alone, but my anxiety is always there, bubbling under the surface, so my reactions, as I said, aren't always rational!)

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 06/09/2017 15:07

But I do think (serious mental health issues aside) it is sad that so many people seem to find it 'hard or difficult' to make small talk and chat to new people

I dont find chatting to new people difficult at all. But at a wedding (a celebration of love ironically) I just dont particualrly want to. Me and DH work hard and rarely get a good night out together, so I would want to spend my time there with him.

RedForFilth · 06/09/2017 15:16

My personal opinion is it's only one meal of your life so wouldn't bother me. But then tbh I'd probably seat partners together anyway.

ShatnersWig · 06/09/2017 15:19

Never ever been to a wedding where someone wasn't sat with their partner UNLESS their partner was best man or bridesmaid and therefore they were on top table. Ever. Bloody stupid to do split couples up otherwise and I wouldn't like it at all.

FatBottomedGal · 06/09/2017 15:45

I'd be fuming if I were separated from my OH at a wedding. I don't suffer from anxiety but I am quite quiet in social situations where I don't know any one, I'd be annoyed to have been put in this situation purposely by the B&G and would question their reasons for doing so.
Totally with you on this one, very bad form.

OlennasWimple · 06/09/2017 15:53

Either all couples are split up, or no couples are split up (unless there is a good reason, such as bridesmaids sitting on a separate table or somesuch).

I don't mind being sat apart from DH, but I would be unimpressed if some people were sat with their DPs and some not. If only because it really changes the dynamic of the conversations around the table - if no one is with their DP they have to chat to each other!

Emilybrontescorsett · 06/09/2017 17:05

I don't think it's a good idea to split up couples.
I went to a wedding where there can't an official seating plan. I ended up separated from my dc. I wasn't happy. None of the guests at the table where my dcs were would swap, even though they would have still been in couples.I couldn't bring myself to speak to them after that, the worst thing was that my dcs had got to the table first and then other guests had sat down next to them and I had got there at the same time as a man who wouldn't move. As it was a wedding and I didn't want to cause a scene I and dp moved.

gluteustothemaximus · 06/09/2017 17:10

Does my head in. My brother and wife did this for their wedding and for meals out. Putting names on the table where you should sit. Always split couples up so we were forced to mingle.

I am an adult. I'd like to sit with my husband, thanks. It doesn't mean I won't mingle.

Control freaks.

Jaxhog · 06/09/2017 17:19

Pretty weird. I've never been sat more than 1 person away from my DH at a wedding or any other dinner, and I'm very happy to talk to strangers.

brassbrass · 06/09/2017 17:19

Either all couples are split up, or no couples are split up

Exactly - it would make me feel paranoid and make me wonder why I'd been singled out which would totally ruin the enjoyment of the wedding.

Branleuse · 06/09/2017 21:40

I dont find chatting to strangers particularly difficult, but its not how i want to spend my evening.

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