to wish that the mother of this child would sit down and do something less noisy and dangerous?

[Iris65]

P is lucky enough to have a performance parent for a mother. They are currently running up and down in the cafe chasing each other, screaming and tickling when caught while she narrates everything at a shout. P also has a dairy sensitivity, gluten sensitivity, peanut allergy, and is vegan. This caused some difficulty when choosing a snack but we are all now fully informed about the hazards and the ethics of choosing a snack in a well known coffee house chain.
P is also gender neutral which we heard all about when a passing elderly women commented on 'her lovely curly hair.' The elderly woman needed a sit down and a cup of tea afterwards while being patted on the arm by sympathetic bystanders.
My heart goes out to whichever poor soul will meet P and Mummy when they go back to school. If they are not homeschooled that is and we can only hope that is the case because there is no doubt they will need one to one attention.
Purple haired parent just glared at me from under her bandana after I glanced up when exploring, running child bumped into my table. Was she 'triggered' by my patriarchal expectations of drinking my coffe undisturbed or was their yin ynaged by my negativity?

Amazing

Just say "excuse me, this isn't a play pen, you're disturbing the other customers"

The rest really doesn't really concern you but you are within your rights to say that level of noise and movement is not appropriate.

No one else is fascinated by her child, vegan or gender neutral as they may be! Most kids are just annoying.

Just say, erm the soft play is just down the road!

At least the dairy sensitivity won't bother the poor child anymore once they stop breastfeeding, what with being vegan. :-)

Ugh, what kind of parent encourages her very young child to be gender 'neutral'.
And it will be from the parent.
A child that young isn't bothered about such things.
Its different when they're older.

I pity that child growing up.

What an utter bellend she is.

From a fellow Dairy Free, Gluten Sensitive, Peanut makes me wretch vegan.

I actually feel a bit sorry for Mummy.

Sounds like she leads quite an unfulfilling life if this is how she's ended up.

So Mummy's a purple-haired bandana-wearer who is raising her child vegan and gender-neutral and is currently running up and down in a busy cafe while also narrating everything to the child in real time? Think she might be having you on. You sure you haven't walked into the set of a sketch show?

Not just performance parenting, this morning was in a very quiet M and S whilst one woman shouted in her mobile asking if her DH wanted a roast tonight or not. This was followed by more bellowing calls and we know about the loss of her mother years ago and the fact she married too young(still cooking roasts for dh though). I had to go to the food hall to escape her but I could still hear her down there. I realised this accounted for the emptiness of the store. Decades age difference, but same attitude.

Sorry to disrupt thread here. Yes, performance, look at me I'm so alternative parenting makes those involved look like twats. Shame the poor kids are forced to tolerate it and they cannot get away.

I bet her kids are called Willow, Raven, Merlin. Maybe she works part time in John Lewis in the clothes department.

Haha this made me laugh

I really want to believe you're just taking the piss....it's just so hard to tell any more!

Well i was in costa and some woman was telling her friend in a foghorn voice great detail about her wedding ,bridesmaids,honeymoon..went on for the whole time ,I was trying to have a quite coffee..all I could think was ,poor friend ,her wedding was huge ,but you weren't invited..why do people do this..

I like P's mum, she sounds a riot.

Yes, yes, poor innocent bystanders just trying to enjoy their coffee; obviously she's completely selfish and unreasonable... but my, what fun!!

Sadly it is genuine and the child's name is a that of a capital city in Europe. In fact I heard the name announced as they entered the shop and my performance parenting spidey senses tingled. I suppressed my lazy stereotyping shadow self, only for it to be proved it right!

Location and name witheld to protect the innocent.

I had one on the bus a few days ago. In the loudest voice
"Now count to ten Tarquin, oh such a clever boy. Now count to 20, oh aren't you a clever boy.
She would then look round the bus for approval for others

Order a sausage roll and a ham sandwich and threaten to let P have a try if they bump into your table again.

Ooh I hope it's Podgorica.

Capital of Montenegro, donchaknow.

I feel sorry for the poor soul who'll be made to feel like shit. When he/she spills hot drinks on the child, because It will happen.
What is the mother thinking. FFS.

oh dear!!

I seethe when cafés are used as play grounds.

PLEASE tell me the child is called Podgorica

Now that's one to suggest on a baby name thread, BannedFromNarnia.

Poor P. I didn't know it was a gender neutral name. Stupid woman. The bit about the mother working pt in John Lewis made me laugh.

P, capital city in Europe? If so that's a boy's name.

P Hilton. Is a girl.