to wish that the mother of this child would sit down and do something less noisy and dangerous?

[Iris65]

P is lucky enough to have a performance parent for a mother. They are currently running up and down in the cafe chasing each other, screaming and tickling when caught while she narrates everything at a shout. P also has a dairy sensitivity, gluten sensitivity, peanut allergy, and is vegan. This caused some difficulty when choosing a snack but we are all now fully informed about the hazards and the ethics of choosing a snack in a well known coffee house chain.
P is also gender neutral which we heard all about when a passing elderly women commented on 'her lovely curly hair.' The elderly woman needed a sit down and a cup of tea afterwards while being patted on the arm by sympathetic bystanders.
My heart goes out to whichever poor soul will meet P and Mummy when they go back to school. If they are not homeschooled that is and we can only hope that is the case because there is no doubt they will need one to one attention.
Purple haired parent just glared at me from under her bandana after I glanced up when exploring, running child bumped into my table. Was she 'triggered' by my patriarchal expectations of drinking my coffe undisturbed or was their yin ynaged by my negativity?

How did she explain the fact that P shouldn't be referred to as a girl to the elderly lady (who probably couldn't have actually cared less)??
Sounds like she has an extremely empty life and poor little P is her new hobby. Would have been better for her/him if she'd taken up knitting.

Apart from the purple hair sounds like my nephew & his parents - they really are like that all the time and as much as I adore him, it's exhausting to be around.
If she's anything like them, then there is no point in saying anything though as they think that it's perfectly reasonable and normal to think the world revolves around them and their child, and normal behaviour & social graces are just unfathomable to them.

I agree with your post, though, and we did similar .

Have to say I avoid a coffee creche if at all possible. The mum who let her kid crawl under the tables and nearly got scalded (only a very quick response from the 'owner' of the coffee stopped the table and drink going over) did for me! She gave the chap such a dirty look and yet he had saved her child from injury. Can't be doing with it and wonder why they can run around in a coffee bar, but not in a park - I know why, just being sarcastic!

Is that all it means, Barbarian? I'd have assumed from the op that she was one of those loons who refuse to disclose the sex of their child as some kind of mad social experiment.

The child (approx 15months ) sat at the next table in Sainsbury's cafe yesterday was the complete opposite to "P" . Didn't move from the high chair, didn't shout, cry or make any noise whatsoever.
This maybe something to do with the bag of crisps and large gingerman biscuit they were given as soon as they sat down. The father immediately opened a bag of gummie sweets which he popped in their mouth between crisps and biscuit. The mother then appeared with a drink for herself and husband along with a banana for said child which she immediately gave child. Crisps and biscuit now on the floor, banana joined them when mother produced a tube of yoghurt.
The assistant then arrived with their meals !!!!! Bowl of chips for the child. The child pushed it away, pointed to the mothers toastie , was given a piece , also some of the fathers macaroni, then went back to the chips.
Me - judgemental- Yes
Me - Nosey - Yes ( couldn't keep my eyes off them)
This was all in the space of about 15 mins.
Apart from giving food to the child there was no interaction at all, no talking, books, toy, absolutely nothing.

hahahah...

"performance parenting" -- Love it! Adding it to my vocab.

Ha ha I experienced one of these at an art exhibition opening.

She let her child CLIMB ON A SCULPTURE and was most put out when staff explained that was not allowed as it was delicate. She argued that any child would want to climb on it.

Then both she and the child chased around the gallery shrieking, and rolled on the floor together. Poor staff member was at wits' end. She ended up saying to the mum "you do know this event is being filmed and you're showing your pants?" :o but of course earth mother didn't care about such bourgeois patriarchal concerns.

I've known quite a few of this type but that was probably the most extreme.

Do tell re the final snack selection?

I'm taking it she'd already eaten the aduki bean and edame salad whilst very loudly noting every leaf in the snap lock Tupperware.

Not everything is about you DrHorrible - chill out a bit.

And yes, if a child is vegan, why does it matter what kind of relationship they have with dairy?!

Course not. That's madness!

OP didn't mention breastfeeding or 'babywearing' ...

Prague?
You should have ordered an almond milk latte with hazelnut syrup and pecan pie and told her that it was in her kid's best interest to get TF out of the cafe....

Indeed

She didn't

So no 'ticks' actually

Odd hair (check), child in red & green with curly hair not yet cut (check), baby wearing (check), breastfeeding (check). You'd fucking hate me just for exsisting (not vegan or vegetarian, I have no allergies sorry to disappoint with your complaints).
Just then glare long enough to find something you don't like about my parenting.

What on earth has any of this very normal parenting have to do with the OP? Or do you just like feeling like you are bucking the trend?

Not everything is about you DrHorrible - chill out a bit.

But for parents like the one in the OP, everything is about them and their precious. All the tickle monster chases and loud narration stems from this; how can anybody in the cafe/ library/ school possibly object to this? Surely all these places are run for P and their mother?

I wonder why anyone would be worried about dairy sensitivity if they're vegan anyway.... vegan covers that...

Unless this is a goady performance post... but surely nobody on MN would be posting for attention ... would they?

Some people can get confused if you deviate from pink or blue. I remember buying toddler child purple duffle coat. I stopped correcting the 'lovely boy' or 'fine young man' comments after a while Slight tangent there!

'Checks' not 'ticks'

That is what it usually means greyhound - from the OP's description it sounds like this mum was far from the usual. I would add that I never felt the need to announce to anyone that I was trying to bring up my sons to "be gender neutral". I just didn't get upset if they wanted to sling on a fairy outfit at playgroup or wanted a pink duvet cover. And spent a lot of time chanting "I don't care what Oliver says, girls can be doctors/boys can do dancing". That sort of thing.

It's got to be Potsdam, capital of Brandenburg.

Loving the possible names.

I know a woman like this only she has THREE children to perform at. The noise level is unbelievable. She is actually the most lovely, loving person imaginable at heart - just not someone to go out in public with.

Odd hair (check), child in red & green with curly hair not yet cut (check), baby wearing (check), breastfeeding (check). You'd fucking hate me just for exsisting (not vegan or vegetarian, I have no allergies sorry to disappoint with your complaints).
Just then glare long enough to find something you don't like about my parenting.

This post makes little sense to me. I don't have odd hair but probably tick the other boxes. Breastfeeding, baby wearing etc are just normal. Both my children have curly hair too both me and my husband have curly hair so they have no chance!! My daughter went to nursery in a red jumper too.

Drhorrible unless you're loudly performance parenting or being an arsehole in another way I suspect that no one is paying attention or judging you- you're just a run of the mill normal parent like the rest of us.

I hate performance parenting with the exception of the person trying to cope with a situation, and they're trying to apologise/not be blamed by the audience - those I have great sympathy for. It's not that 'P's mother has coloured hair, or vegan lifestyle, or even attempting to stop gender-stereotyping. It's the performance of it that's the problem. I went to several seafood restaurants over the summer and I'm allergic to shellfish. I quiet statement to the server is all that is needed.

The problem with gender-neutral vs 'pin your child's life expectations down by assigning a pronoun' is that if you are just a bit lazy and refer to your small-human as 'it' people get really offended on 'it's' behalf.

We tried to not even specify the DDs were anything other than a moving object (with snot) and apparently referring to a child in this manner is not on. You can't get much more neutral than to refer to them in the same manner as you would a rock is rose quartz a girl because it's pink? What about blue lace agate as it's blue but pretty?

And I was a long-haired, EBF, baby-wearing hippy type.

DD2 (6) talked about how much fun it was to play with 'humans' the other day (playing with children in a park - a regular occurrence) and I loved the implication that she doesn't even define herself as homo sapien.