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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want my partner to go China next year on holiday?!

122 replies

hattiesmumm · 04/09/2017 21:21

Dp has just texted me, saying he's been invited to go China next year. His best mate teaches over there and is going back on Wednesday. He's offered to pay for dps flights.

Aibu to think wtf, he won't go abroad on holiday with me and the kids, but wants to go China?! And when the hell do I get a break/holiday?! I have no friends to go away with! I would LOVE to go traveling to china! 😤😤

OP posts:
WritingHome · 04/09/2017 21:23

Why can you not all go? Save up and stay with the mate over there?

Original poster
hattiesmumm · 04/09/2017 21:27

I don't think it's very possible with three kids? One being not even 2. I can't think of anything more stressful 😭Plus his mates very much "lad", no commitments etc

OP posts:
fridgepants · 04/09/2017 21:29

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Original poster
hattiesmumm · 04/09/2017 21:30

I'm guessing so.

He just says he's not really into holidays abroad and prefers it over here. 😒

OP posts:
Sukitakeitoff · 04/09/2017 21:32

Wow not surprised he wants to go of his friend's paying for his flights. How long would I be for? I don't think I could stand in the way of an opportunity like that personally but obviously I don't know your circumstances.

fridgepants · 04/09/2017 21:32

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PollyFlint · 04/09/2017 21:32

Is the reason he won't go abroad with you that he feels you can't afford it? Because his friend offering to pay for the flights probably makes a big difference here - I expect your DP wouldn't be jumping at the chance quite so much if he had to cough up for his own air fares and a free holiday is a pretty good offer from his friend.

If his reason for not going abroad with you is anything other than financial, I can totally see why you're pissed off. I wouldn't expect someone with a partner and kids never to go away on their own, but I would expect them to at least make family/couple trips the first priority.

Whocansay · 04/09/2017 21:37

His mate has offered to pay for his flights?!?! What a marvellous friend...!

That is weird. The fact your OH suddenly wants to go abroad is weird. The fact he wants to go without you and the kids is weird.

Something is going on. Could be a whole heap of stuff, mind you....

I would not like this situation at all. It's very fishy.

Primrose06 · 04/09/2017 21:41

His friend is offering him a free flights.
Yet you are being left alone with the children and no holiday. A bit unfair. Yes it is a great opportunity but your partner is not in the same position as his friend.
Both seem to have forgotten this.
When you have children you can't just clear off and have a good time on a whim .
What about you?
You need to discuss this.

Birdsgottafly · 04/09/2017 21:42

Or his friend realises how much he misses him and is earning enough to afford the flights.

I couldn't stand in the way of my DP having that opportunity tbh.

Going to China might give him the holiday bug.

Original poster
hattiesmumm · 04/09/2017 21:50

But I want to go China 😭😭😭 I want to go travelling, Iv never been anywhere other than turkey and Spain. I'm rather jealous. 😔

OP posts:
butterfly56 · 04/09/2017 21:51

Don't hold your breath waiting for him to be reasonable about going on holiday together abroad.
You can go on holiday abroad with friends while he looks after the children.

FenceSitter01 · 04/09/2017 21:52

Are the children his?

fridgepants · 04/09/2017 21:53

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SnowBells · 04/09/2017 21:58

Find family to look after kids and go with him. Save up. One ticket to China (if his friend pays for his ticket) is not that expensive these days.

What would you do if your husband travelled for business? There are some people whose business travels are a bit of a jolly, you know...

scrabbler3 · 04/09/2017 22:00

This is odd. Is the friend very wealthy ie someone for whom the cost of a return flight to China is chump change? If not, it seems strange that he's paying. Unless his company offers a certain number of return flights of course.

If there's a sensible explanation for this, it seems like a good opportunity.

When you say you've no friends, do you mean that literally? Or do you mean you've none who could/would take a trip with you? Is there anyone you could visit?

fridgepants · 04/09/2017 22:03

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jeaux90 · 04/09/2017 22:09

Come on! How often does this kind of opportunity come up. If you are good partners to each other you should be encouraging him and vice versa. At the same time though make sure you have a chance for some trip of your own/time off or as a family if you prefer of course.

And yes, travelling may open his eyes a bit and be a good influence.

Crumbs1 · 04/09/2017 22:13

Let him go and 'enjoy' all that China has to offer. I wouldn't rush back!
Maybe start saving for a really nice European holiday with him and the Children as a compromise on him going.

Leavingonajet · 04/09/2017 22:15

If you have no one who could look after the DC while you both go maybe work on a holiday just for you after he comes back, or with the rest of family if you would prefer that.

Quittingthyme · 04/09/2017 22:15

Totally with you Crumbs

Original poster
hattiesmumm · 04/09/2017 22:15

His friend is very well off, hence why he can travel around china for months at a time without a "proper job", he comes from a well off family.

We have no family to have the children. Never get holidays/breaks together sadly.

Two aren't his and one is. Although he treats them all the same. Older two don't see their dad and call dp their dad.

OP posts:
SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 04/09/2017 22:16

I can see what you mean but what it would sound like to him would be that if you can't go then he can't go, regardless of free flights. This seems a bit unfair, given that it seems like a once in a lifetime opportunity for him, and there's no way you could go anyway with the kids. If I was him I'd be a bit resentful of you. But if I was you I would feel pissed off, but would let him go.
Tough one...hope you work it out.

Original poster
hattiesmumm · 04/09/2017 22:17

I don't have anyone to go on holiday with else I would. He would never stop me going if I wanted too go away though

OP posts:
fridgepants · 04/09/2017 22:20

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