Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my partner to go China next year on holiday?!

122 replies

hattiesmumm · 04/09/2017 21:21

Dp has just texted me, saying he's been invited to go China next year. His best mate teaches over there and is going back on Wednesday. He's offered to pay for dps flights.

Aibu to think wtf, he won't go abroad on holiday with me and the kids, but wants to go China?! And when the hell do I get a break/holiday?! I have no friends to go away with! I would LOVE to go traveling to china! 😤😤

OP posts:
fridgepants · 04/09/2017 22:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

PsychedelicSheep · 04/09/2017 22:29

I think it would be unreasonable to give it a hard time about going. Why shouldn't he go and see his friend, especially if he's paying! Waving him off with a smile is the only appropriate response imo.

You should be 'owed' the equivalent child free time for a holiday or something too though, if you don't have friends to go with could you go on an organised group trip? I've heard good things about them.

Ragusa · 04/09/2017 22:29

I don't think anyone should stop their partner doing something like this all othere things being equal. Unless he has been instrumental in you not having/ making friends to do this sort of thing with or if he'd begrudge you similar. I'd be mightily pissed off if my DH tried to stop me going away with a friend. In fact he did once, and I was: very mightilt. And I went anyway!

Ragusa · 04/09/2017 22:30

Very Mightily. Gah autocorrect I hate you!

Ellisandra · 04/09/2017 22:49

Perhaps going to China will kickstart and interest in travel for him?

I'd let him go - if the flights are free, amazing opportunity! And it's not really taking anything away from you... it's not like he's spending all the family holiday money on this trip for him alone.

Set this aside, and think about your own desire to travel.
You've chosen to have 3 kids, so you've limited your options for now - don't forget that you've got something brilliant instead though!

If you want to travel, then start saving and either plan trips that include the kids, or start doing some long weekends in Europe on your own whilst he has the kids. One of two long weekends "off" is perfectly fair. I've travelled loads on my own. It's fine!

Ttbb · 04/09/2017 22:51

Tell him that if he wanted to go on holiday alone he shouldn't have married/had children.

Ellisandra · 04/09/2017 23:02

That's nonsense Ttbb. Lots of couples, even married with kids ones, manage separate holidays quite happily Hmm

Polichinelle · 04/09/2017 23:16

That's not right, ttbb. They are partners not stuck with super glue. Most couples I know take it on turns to look after the kids and go away on their own a couple of times a year. I certainly did that when I was married and I think it worked really well. In fact, it probably kept the marriage going longer than predicted, but that's another story

Butterymuffin · 04/09/2017 23:24

Tell him great, you can save up for flights for the rest of you. As you'll both be there, you can both take care of the kids..

chinam · 04/09/2017 23:26

No way would he be going to China without me. Disclaimer: I love China and would move there in an instant so I would be a complete bitter balls if my partner went without me. Is there really no way for you to go too?

pringlecat · 05/09/2017 00:05

It's a fantastic opportunity and you should be supportive of him. Tagging along would be rude - your DP has been invited on his own.

However, it would not be unreasonable to work out when DP can take enough holiday to look after the DC on his own so YOU can go travelling without him. Is there perhaps somewhere a bit less expensive that you haven't been to before that you would like to visit?

You might not be able to afford a second solo trip to China for you on your joint budget if stumping up for flights, but could you go somewhere else and get your holiday?

junebirthdaygirl · 05/09/2017 04:57

This may not happy at all. I can imagine friend headinng off sayi g you must come over and they are all excited but it could be just talk. I woould have no problem with him going to China but he needs to smarten up about holidays abroad with ye. If ye can afford it l would be planning a week in a childfriendly resort and he would have some cheek to refuse.
You will get your opportunity as dc grow.

emmyrose2000 · 05/09/2017 05:18

It sounds like the friend has forgotten that DH is no longer a "lad".

pigeondujour · 05/09/2017 05:49

I'm absolutely fine with my DP going away without me and vice versa, but I think I'd be much less so if we never went on holidays together. How long is he planning to go for and how much is he planning to spend?

Boredboredboredboredbored · 05/09/2017 06:00

Yabu! My bil lived in Shanghai and paid for my h to fly over there and to go and do the Great Wall of China Marathon for his 40th Birthday. It would never of occurred to me to ask him not to go as it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

sonjadog · 05/09/2017 06:12

I´d let him go. Be envious, certainly, but I´d wave him off happily. It´s a wonderful opportunity that has come his way. I´d want him to take it.

Neutrogena · 05/09/2017 06:16

Please let him go.
It's nasty to not let him just because you cannot go.

YellowAardvark · 05/09/2017 06:22

I can see where you're coming from but do think you have set this up in your mind in a way that your DP can't win - he can't go without you and the kids, yet you don't want you and the kids to go anyway.

I'd let him go then plan my own trip. If you don't have friends to travel with there are lots of tours you can do?

Flyingflipflop · 05/09/2017 06:22

Be careful what you wish for OP.

The way the world is going at the moment, we might all be heading towards China next year, wearing green and with bayonets fixed!!!!

OliviaStabler · 05/09/2017 06:30

Tell him he can go but only if he goes abroad as a family next year. Make the booking now so he can't back out.

newbian · 05/09/2017 06:31

Bear in mind there is awful air pollution in China for much of the winter, so depending on where the friend is I wouldn't even consider taking children there at all. Do you know which city the friend is in?

fishonabicycle · 05/09/2017 06:37

Let him go - free holiday would be unmissable. Then If you want to travel, and have no companion, then you go on one of those tours for lone travellers - you could make friends then too. He can stay home and look after the children.

llangennith · 05/09/2017 06:40

I'd be jealous too OP but I'd still let him go. Tell him that, while you hope he has a great time, you're very jealous and wish you were going too.
I've never seen the point of stoping someone else doing something just because they have a great opportunity and I don't.

pigeondujour · 05/09/2017 06:48

It won't be a free holiday though presumably, just free flights. OP needs to give more info about the financial situation before we can say if it would be reasonable.

GrumpyOldBag · 05/09/2017 06:50

YABU. China is an amazing place to visit (I have been) and it's a fantastic opportunity - especially as his friend is paying for the flights. I would try and be enthusiastic for him on this.

But you should also talk about having the holiday together as a family and make a plan to achieve that - even if it's in, say, a year's time and you start saving and planning for it now. The anticipation will be good too.

Swipe left for the next trending thread