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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to a wedding two days before Christmas

114 replies

user1485342611 · 03/09/2017 16:08

Just been told to save the date for a colleague's wedding on Saturday 23rd December. It will be a three hour drive away so will probably have to drive back on 24th. I really don't want to spend Christmas Eve knackered tired after a late night and long drive. Neither do I really want the pressure of having to attend a wedding in the final rush up to Christmas, or to miss out on the carol service which we all traditionally attend on that Saturday evening. Another colleague, with who I'm friendly, was really surprised when I said I was trying to come up with an excuse not to go, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being unreasonable.

I hate weddings at the best of times, and this will just put me under huge pressure.

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 03/09/2017 16:09

YANBU. I wouldn't go either.

user1490607838 · 03/09/2017 16:10

YANBU I wouldn't be going! Not on Christmas Eve Eve.

Not a wedding that is a 6 hour round trip.

No.

RandomMess · 03/09/2017 16:10

It's an invite not a summons "sorry timing really doesn't work for us".

Mulberry72 · 03/09/2017 16:11

YADNBU.

I wouldn't go.

gobster · 03/09/2017 16:11

Personally I'd rather only people who wanted to come to my wedding were there. Paying for someone who doesn't want to be there doesn't sound fun like you having to buy present/outfit

You don't need to explain why you can't go just say you are unable to attend.

If they are likely to ask why just say you have Xmas stuff booked and leave it at that

Duvetdaysanddays · 03/09/2017 16:11

Yanbu. It is a big ask having a wedding the day before xmas eve. I think you just need to suit yourself in terms of a date like this. For me this time is about home and family and I would say sorry we aren't free the day before xmas eve for those reasons.

MrTrebus · 03/09/2017 16:11

Oh dear your shouldn't have said that to your other colleague as it will probably get back to this bride, which will make you look like a mean gossipy person when you then do decline. But YANBU to not go, at the end of the day it's just a work colleague just politely decline and maybe get her a nice gift.

ChickenBhuna · 03/09/2017 16:11

If you have other commitments then don't go.

Personally I think a Christmas wedding sounds lovely but it's an invite not a summonsSmile

RaininSummer · 03/09/2017 16:12

No I wouldn't fancy that at all. A local one might be nice but not with the travel/overnight part so near christmas.

GreenTulips · 03/09/2017 16:12

Why is it so far away?

northernbobbydazzler · 03/09/2017 16:13

If it's a colleague not a close family member just say you can't make it, might be nice to send a card/gift if you can afford to do so.

Flyinggeese · 03/09/2017 16:13

Just decline, OP. Please don't talk to others about making up excuses or that you don't want to go. Bad form. The poor bride. Just simply don't go.

Seniorcitizen1 · 03/09/2017 16:13

I wouldn't go - why would anyone arrange their wedding so near christmas - bonkers. I doubt you will be the only one to decline

Dippysnowoman · 03/09/2017 16:15

I think it sounds lovely as a perfect start to the Christmas hols!
I'd go.

cariadlet · 03/09/2017 16:15

It would be bad enough doing a 6 hour round trip on the 23rd for a sibling's wedding. Totally daft of a colleague to expect you to do that for their wedding.

YNBU to decline the invitation
YWBU to make up an excuse - just say that you can't make that day.

sprockercrazy · 03/09/2017 16:18

It's just an invitation don't stress ... If it doesn't work for you just politely decline.

Neutrogena · 03/09/2017 16:20

Just decline the invite saying you already have plans.
I'm not sure why people come on the internet to ask stuff like this. It makes me wonder if it's real Smile

Original poster
user1485342611 · 03/09/2017 16:20

The colleague I spoke to is a friend, and the least gossipy person I know. I'm confident she won't say anything to anyone.

I don't like to just give a bald 'no', without stating a reason. But my sister said the same as Seniorcitizen. She reckons there will be a lot of people declining the invitation, and it's a daft time to have a wedding.

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 03/09/2017 16:21

Could you travel up the day before and back on the night of the wedding. If you get on well with this colleague l would make the effort.
Do you have young dc. That might be the one thing would stop me as want to be on top form for them.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 03/09/2017 16:22

Sounds a wonderful way to start Christmas to me. But everyone is different, so if you don't like the idea, don't go!

ponderingprobably · 03/09/2017 16:22

Well don't you see extended family etc near Christmas? Or go to special services, Pantomines? Easily explained.

cheminotte · 03/09/2017 16:22

'Sorry I can't make it' is fine. No need for an elaborate excuse and it would be rude of her to ask.

PurpleDaisies · 03/09/2017 16:23

I'd happily go.

Writerwannabe83 · 03/09/2017 16:24

It sounds lovely in theory, a romantic Christmas Wedding but in reality it would the cost of attending that would out me off.

Paying out for petrol, overnight stays, outfits and gifts so close to Christmas just isn't something I would be prepared to do or be able to do.

PurpleDaisies · 03/09/2017 16:25

Posted by accident. I'd happily go and miss the carol service for just one year. There are always plenty on at different times.

It sounds like you just don't want to go and are thinking of reasons not to. That's totally up to you.