Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to a wedding two days before Christmas

114 replies

user1485342611 · 03/09/2017 16:08

Just been told to save the date for a colleague's wedding on Saturday 23rd December. It will be a three hour drive away so will probably have to drive back on 24th. I really don't want to spend Christmas Eve knackered tired after a late night and long drive. Neither do I really want the pressure of having to attend a wedding in the final rush up to Christmas, or to miss out on the carol service which we all traditionally attend on that Saturday evening. Another colleague, with who I'm friendly, was really surprised when I said I was trying to come up with an excuse not to go, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being unreasonable.

I hate weddings at the best of times, and this will just put me under huge pressure.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 03/09/2017 16:25

She might be having it then as friends and family will be home for Christmas. As it's a colleague and not a close friend, I think it is fair enough to say no.

PuppyMonkey · 03/09/2017 16:26

I'm sure there will be loads declining, just say "sorry, can't come due to prior commitments" and leave it at that.

MarcyMercy · 03/09/2017 16:27

Sorry to be a baddie, but maybe the date was chosen so a lot of people would decline! Woops. my bad.

At least they invited you which is nice. When you decline do not say sorry. Just say "thanks so much for the lovely invite. We cannot be with you on the day due to other committments. Hope you have the best day ever and many congratulations.! Send a card with a gift of your choice.

I don't go to weddings anymore, unless it is immediate family. No one misses me honest!

Original poster
user1485342611 · 03/09/2017 16:28

The reason she's given us all so much notice is because 'she knows people will have a lot on over Christmas so she wants to get in early', so she's obviously expecting people to organise things around attending her wedding.
She's very nice and I don't want to hurt her feelings, hence why I'd rather have a good excuse not to attend.

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 03/09/2017 16:29

I wouldn't attend a wedding so close to Christmas eithe top especially one that involves so much travel, is that for an evening invite only aswell or all day?x

PuppyMonkey · 03/09/2017 16:30

The carol service you usually go to is your previous commitment.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/09/2017 16:31

I'd go. 3 hours driving on Xmas eve doesn't seem a problem. You don't need to stay up late so no reason to be tired. Most weddings I've been to end about midnight and I'm usually up til then anyway.

If be most worried about weather affecting travel plans.

ponderingprobably · 03/09/2017 16:31

Yes, but she doesn't have your family, does she? You may have elderly aunts, parents, grandparents who you really need to spend time with over Christmas. You might be hosting lots of guests. You might be organising Christmas productions. She cannot assume by giving lots of notice she suddenly becomes your no.1 priority.

Nuttynoo · 03/09/2017 16:31

No offence but a wedding over the Christmas period implies she doesn't want most of the people she's invited to attend. She's probably only inviting for the sake of it.

Gemini69 · 03/09/2017 16:31

she calls this 'notice' ? just say No... you don't have to explain yourself.. that's why invites are given.. to establish who can and cannot attend.....

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/09/2017 16:32

But you don't have a "good excuse" - you're trying to make one up, which is a bit shit.

Yes the drive will be a nuisance - so if you can't face it, then use that as your excuse.
Yes it's close to Christmas, so if you feel you can't organise your time ahead better, then use that as your excuse.

The church service you traditionally attend will no doubt still happen next year - I don't consider this a valid excuse at all, this is someone's wedding, which you'd like to think is a one-off.

If you really don't want to go then just be honest and say that it's really not your thing plus it's too far plus it's too close to Christmas and you're sorry, and hope that she has a lovely wedding anyway.

expatinscotland · 03/09/2017 16:32

Why do you need a reason? They won't care. Just 'No, thanks, I had other long-standing plans.' Weddings are my idea of hell and one that I had to drive hours and hours to two days before Xmas would be a non-starter to me. I'd give them a card with some token amount of money in it and be done.

WishfulThanking · 03/09/2017 16:36

YANBU to decline but YABU to 'think of an excuse' and inform another colleague that you are doing so. Why not just say the truth?! Confused

Original poster
user1485342611 · 03/09/2017 16:37

Thumbwitches under no circumstances would I tell a nice colleague that I'm not attending her wedding because 'it's really not my thing.' I think that's far shittier than making up a polite excuse.

OP posts:
toomuchfaster · 03/09/2017 16:40

I've said this before, but I'll say it again. I was asked to be a bridesmaid at a Xmas Eve wedding. It never occurred to me to say no. If you care so little about attending just say no.

NuffSaidSam · 03/09/2017 16:40

Just say no.

There is no need for anxiety and hand-wringing.

There is no need to 'come up' with a reason.

It's too far away, it's too close to Christmas, you have a long standing engagement on that day and you don't want to go.

Just don't go.

wobblywonderwoman · 03/09/2017 16:40

I wouldnt go (trying to get put of one also) but I would say very kindly that you are appreciate the invite but that you had plans already.

Otherwise I would be tempted to go if she is nice.. You might have a great time.

DerelictWreck · 03/09/2017 16:40

The reason she's given us all so much notice

I actually don't think she has given you much notice; I just got a save the date for a wedding next May and that's about normal in my experience!

SO, I wouldn't worry too much about saying the timing doesn't work or that you already have plans - after all it's only just over 3 months away!

SenecaFalls · 03/09/2017 16:40

Just don't go. I got married during the Christmas holidays because I and many relatives were on academic calendars. I understood that some invited guests might not come because of other commitments. But that's true for anytime of the year.

MarcyMercy · 03/09/2017 16:41

OMG the angst some people have about invitations to weddings really gets me going.

If it doesn't suit you (me) don't go. The B+G won't care about you really, only numbers for catering. Sorry if that sound so awful, but it is the truth.

They will have fulfilled their obligations by inviting you, and that is really nice of them.

Two days before Christmas is ridiculous for most people. But hey what do I know.

Birdsgottafly · 03/09/2017 16:42

""The reason she's given us all so much notice is because 'she knows people will have a lot on over Christmas so she wants to get in early', so she's obviously expecting people to organise things around attending her wedding.""

Or giving them enough notice that they are organised to be able to attend. I would happily attend, even when my children were little. I only ever have my Mum stay and only cater for around eight.

I would be disappointed to get the invite with not enough notice to be able to go.

Dressing for a Winter Wedding is easy, the only thing to consider for me would be location, as in there being a danger of being snowed in somewhere.

You don't have to go, she's being nice by inviting you. I don't understand the angst. As said, you've got longstanding plans, it's the day you see In-Laws etc.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 03/09/2017 16:42

Just send a card, to say you won't be attending, no need for dramatics.

Piratefairy78 · 03/09/2017 16:44

YANBU. My DB also got married on the 23rd December. He and SIL arranged a huge (whole family) get together for the Christmas period. It was lovely and both families had a great time. If you weren't family and staying for the week I could imagine it would be an inconvenience. That said he knew people may not come and excepted that.

punicorn · 03/09/2017 16:44

I hate these 'save the date' invites - it means you have about 4-6 months to come up with an excuse not to attend rather than the obligatory 4-6 weeks! YADNBU right before Xmas though - just say you have family commitments in the run-up to Xmas so thanks but no thanks

NapQueen · 03/09/2017 16:44

I would love to see in christmas this way. Kid free, collect them after a lovely lie in and hotel breakfast from my folks, have an afternoon of christmas prep and movie and what not.

But you do what you prefer. Your call.