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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go to a wedding two days before Christmas

114 replies

user1485342611 · 03/09/2017 16:08

Just been told to save the date for a colleague's wedding on Saturday 23rd December. It will be a three hour drive away so will probably have to drive back on 24th. I really don't want to spend Christmas Eve knackered tired after a late night and long drive. Neither do I really want the pressure of having to attend a wedding in the final rush up to Christmas, or to miss out on the carol service which we all traditionally attend on that Saturday evening. Another colleague, with who I'm friendly, was really surprised when I said I was trying to come up with an excuse not to go, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being unreasonable.

I hate weddings at the best of times, and this will just put me under huge pressure.

OP posts:
grafittiartist · 03/09/2017 17:20

I went to a wedding the day before Christmas Eve and it was gorgeous! But it was only 20 minutes away- which probably made it easier.

ujerneyson · 03/09/2017 17:21

My BIL got married on 27th December and had nearly 400 guests who came from all ends of the country and from abroad. Clearly wasn't a massive problem and it was so lovely.

RidingWindhorses · 03/09/2017 17:23

I certainly couldn't be bothered for a colleague. If it was friend or close family I would suck it up and go, but it's not.

Luckily it's a completely plausible time of year to have a prior engagement.

BMOT · 03/09/2017 17:24

Marcy Mercy
you obviously only get invited to shit weddings !!!!

FadedRed · 03/09/2017 17:24

What Caffeine said. You do not have to give a reason, make up an excuse, invent some catastrophe.
Just a nice congratulatory card that thanks the B&G for the invitation.....sadly unable to attend.....hope you have a lovely day. Enclose a little gift if you can, e.g. vouchers, and job done.
Cannot understand the attitude to wedding invitations on MN

MarcyMercy · 03/09/2017 17:25

After Christmas Day is easier in lots of ways. There is precious little going on between Boxing Day and NYE really, ideal time.

Two days before Christmas Day is different.

I wouldn't go. But then again as you have figured out I decline all wedding invites that are not family now. Too fekkin boring and formulaic.

At least with family you can get together and have a bit of fun! At least we know each other well.

SenecaFalls · 03/09/2017 17:25

Our December wedding was very well attended, too. The only drawback is that I was also born in December so we have birthday-Christmas-anniversary jammed together. And we often have to be reminded of our anniversary. Smile

Loopytiles · 03/09/2017 17:25

Prior engagement.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 03/09/2017 17:27

I wouldn't have a problem attending a wedding on 23 Dec if it was a family member or good friend. I probably wouldn't make the effort for a colleague unless we were also very close friends.

If you don't fancy it for whatever reason then just politely decline. If she asks why then just say you already have plans for that weekend.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 03/09/2017 17:27

I wouldn't have a problem attending a wedding on 23 Dec if it was a family member or good friend. I probably wouldn't make the effort for a colleague unless we were also very close friends.

If you don't fancy it for whatever reason then just politely decline. If she asks why then just say you already have plans for that weekend.

coddiwomple · 03/09/2017 17:28

and save the dates should be banned.

please no, they are so helpful and help you get organised. Do keep them up! If the date is not convenient however, just decline. You don't have to attend any wedding - unless you are in the wedding party obviously...

I would much rather a wedding on the 27th, once Father Christmas has been and left, presents open and Christmas is over, than a wedding a day or 2 before. We can string Christmas on the 24th, 25th and 26th at a push, but then it's well and truly over, a wedding would be lovely.

MarcyMercy · 03/09/2017 17:29

BMOT

All weddings apart from family ones are total head wreckers. LOL.

But I am the cream of MN wedding haters and I am not one bit worried about that at all. No one will miss me ever really! Nor will they notice that I am there either....

Most people are the same but will be oh so British and just drive for five hours and back instead of saying NO Thank you in a polite way.

user1498921160 · 03/09/2017 17:32

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Having your wedding the day before Christmas Eve and then expecting a wide circle of friends to attend is ridiculous behaviour. Of course lots of people will have family commitments and traditions that they want to honour and that make Christmas special for them, and others will have people coming to stay, last minute shopping etc and just won't have the time to fit in an overnight wedding.

Christmas weddings look lovely on programmes like Downton Abbey and Call the Midwife. In real life they're a logistical pain in the ass for many of us.

Branleuse · 03/09/2017 17:32

Just say that youre sorry but its a really busy time of year for you, and you are not going to be able to make it, but wish her all the best etc etc

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 17:33

I'd rather go on the 23 rd. would kick off the party season for me.

I also agree with a pp who said I suspect the huge majority will go and see it the same, Friday night, off work, kick off thr party season, it's all good.

user1498921160 · 03/09/2017 17:33

Oh and Rebecca why do you find it strange that so many MNetters are exhausted after a late night? What an odd statement.

NannyRed · 03/09/2017 17:35

I had a wedding invite for a week before Christmas (a few years ago) I told the happy couple I couldn't make it as a 5 hour round trip in such a busy month just wasn't feasible.
They went on to delete me from Facebook. I don't miss that kind of friendship. Your friends will understand it's a busy time for the majority of people.

user1498921160 · 03/09/2017 17:40

I don't think it's just Mnetters who hate weddings. I think in RL many people find them dull, boring, tiring and expensive. But you can't really say that around people whose weddings you have been to (so most of your friends and family really) so it's great to be able to moan honestly about them on line.

MarcyMercy · 03/09/2017 17:41

Nanny,

That is an awful reaction. Sorry for you. But I hope you feel the better person now.

You are right, at any time, but especially two days before Christmas, declines are inevitable. That is why invites (not summonses) are sent out!

Waspyhell · 03/09/2017 17:42

We're going to a wedding on the same day, staying over at the hotel. Will wake up on Christmas Eve in a lovely hotel, have breakfast and then drive on to family. I think it'll be lovely and the kids are excited too.

specialsubject · 03/09/2017 17:44

All tatmas pressure is self inflicted. No need to buy crap in tons.

But if you don't like weddings, don't go!

MarcyMercy · 03/09/2017 17:45

User 149.

We choose our preferred things to attend. And you are right it is just not on MN either that people hate the perceived summons to anything.

If I don't want to, or cannot go I will say it politely and send a gift where necessary.

The emphasis on polite regret and no reasons, or sorry, or whatever.

It is my life and I will do what pleases me. Family is different, I love em all!

GreenPetal94 · 03/09/2017 17:49

I got married on 27 Dec. A bank holiday that year. Most people came

IHeartDodo · 03/09/2017 17:49

I sung at a Christmas wedding once (21st maybe?) it was lovely, church in the snow, sung carols instead of hymns...

GrumpyOldBag · 03/09/2017 17:51

I love a Christmas wedding!

But if it doesn't suit you OP, then just don't go. Especially as it's a colleague, not family or a close friend.