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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go to a wedding two days before Christmas

114 replies

user1485342611 · 03/09/2017 16:08

Just been told to save the date for a colleague's wedding on Saturday 23rd December. It will be a three hour drive away so will probably have to drive back on 24th. I really don't want to spend Christmas Eve knackered tired after a late night and long drive. Neither do I really want the pressure of having to attend a wedding in the final rush up to Christmas, or to miss out on the carol service which we all traditionally attend on that Saturday evening. Another colleague, with who I'm friendly, was really surprised when I said I was trying to come up with an excuse not to go, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being unreasonable.

I hate weddings at the best of times, and this will just put me under huge pressure.

OP posts:

swampie2 · 03/09/2017 17:54

We've attended 3 December weddings in recent years (on 21st December & 31st December one year and 28th December another year)Luckily all 3 were only a 1 - 1.5 hour drive from home & all at the same venue once there. We enjoyed all 3, but would say that the 2 after Christmas were more relaxing for us as guests than the one on the 21st when you've got so much other stuff going on on the run up to Christmas.
We declined an invite one year to a wedding on the 22nd December, for various reasons which included the distance to the church & reception venue (also the distance between the 2!) and a no children wedding. It was for a distant relative, who we have no regular contact with (but did up to being an adult. We declined and were never asked why.

OlennasWimple · 03/09/2017 17:56

If you can't or don't want to go, simply decline. You really don't have to give a reason - if anyone does ask, all you need to say is that you have a prior commitment. It can't be a suprise to her that someone who would have a six hour round trip two days before Christmas can't make it to the wedding.

I would buy her a lovely gift, though.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/09/2017 17:58

"The reason she's given us all so much notice is because 'she knows people will have a lot on over Christmas so she wants to get in early' "
What, she thinks it's 'first come, first served' with your time ?

"I'll just say I already have family commitments that I can't really rearrange, so travelling that close to Christmas won't be possible for me."
Perfect response.

CreamCheeseBrownies · 03/09/2017 18:08

Waspyhell We're going to a wedding on the same day, staying over at the hotel. Will wake up on Christmas Eve in a lovely hotel, have breakfast and then drive on to family. I think it'll be lovely and the kids are excited too.

That does sound lovely.

LouHotel · 03/09/2017 18:12

I got married on the 28th December - we tested the water with alot of family and friends first.

Most thought it was brilliant as we they didnt have to worry about getting time off. We also served Salmon and Lamb to try and make it a bit different to christmas day.

I agree on 23rd im getting the xmas food shop in and wrapping kids presents.

Sophiealice95 · 03/09/2017 18:15

I wouldn't go wither yadnbu OP . I would say you have rellys visiting or are going to visit rellys the opposite end of the country . I don't even like going shopping over xmas bugger it do what you want !

minoandolphin · 03/09/2017 18:22

OP, if anyone has a wedding on 23rd December then acts offended and hurt because someone can't come, they are delusional. I'm sure it'll be fine. If not, it says rather more about her than it does you.

exLtEveDallas · 03/09/2017 18:27

We've declined an invite to a Dec 23rd wedding this year - invites went out in May but we said we couldn't attend due to family Christmas commitments.

Groom was a little 'humphy' about it but it just wouldn't have worked for us, not on that day. Maybe the week before (16th?) we could have juggled stuff around, but not that close to Christmas.

yaela123 · 03/09/2017 18:28

I'd just say something like 'Congratulations and thank you so much for the invite. Unfortunately I won't be able to make it but I hope you have an amazing day' and maybe send a nice card/gift/whatever you can afford

They'll probably get a lot of declines on that date!

user1471462115 · 03/09/2017 18:30

That three hour drive will at least double to six hours on the day before Christmas Eve .
I would decline on these grounds alone.

milliemolliemou · 03/09/2017 19:19

As other PPs have said, it's not hard.

Just reply that you can't come and wish them well. Send a present if appropriate.

Christmas and NY weddings can be lovely but not for people with kids far away.

Surely OP you didn't need 5 pages of posts to sort it out

hazelnutlatte · 03/09/2017 19:51

I once went to a wedding on 23rd December, but it was a close friend of mine and the wedding was only an hours drive from my parents house and we were spending Christmas there so it wasn't an inconvenience. Most of the guests were relatively local but a large group traveled from the Isle of Mann - it must have been a pain for them to all get back home the next day!
I wouldn't bother traveling 3 hours to the wedding at any time of year though tbh!

Floellabumbags · 03/09/2017 19:58

It's up to you. We did it and it was magical right up until we got home on the Christmas Eve at 2pm and DS became suddenly ill (testicular torsion) and had to undergo emergency surgery. It was nothing to do with the wedding but we were thankful it happened at home and not 300 miles away. Thinking about it the wedding was the high spot of that Christmas because the sleepless night in hospital, the Christmas day that never happened and the recovery weren't that great.

So I'd go and have a good time.

MaisyPops · 03/09/2017 20:09

I like weddings. I make huge amounts of effort to get to them. I've travelled 5 hours each way in a weekend for the last wedding I went to.

But, I can't help but feel a little irritated when people plan their weddings with little thought for guests (e.g. new years eve, peak travel times lile Christmas when there are a lot of guests travelling, mid week weddings when lots of guests have to travel).

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