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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset by behaviour of 'first date'?

108 replies

ConfessionsOfaDivorcee · 03/09/2017 14:56

NC for this as I'm a) embarrassed, b) possibly overreacting and c) being naive/prudish/old-fashioned and maybe uptight!! I'm no longer 'in my prime' (ok, over 50!) and haven't dated for a very long time, so this has been a bit of an eye-opener for me! I didn't think I was prudish...quite the opposite actually, if I'm honest, and I was looking forward to going out and starting to meet new people again. I was talked into internet dating and arranged to meet someone at the weekend. He seemed nice, we chatted on the phone and got on really well. Had a lovely lunch and as it was a gorgeous sunny day he suggested we continue the date and go for a drive to a nearby country park. Which we did...he drove. We walked by the river, linked arms, all very charming and he kissed me on the cheek. It was sweet, nothing heavy. On the way back he pulled into a lay-by and went straight in for a kiss...very 'gropey' this time and I pulled back, a little taken aback by the suddenness of this. He was very insistent and kept pulling my head...down towards his crotch!! I was just as insistent saying no, but he kept pulling my head quite hard actually, until I pushed him in the chest and told him to take me back...which he did...laughing it off saying that he could wait 'until he had me somewhere more private'. He 'knew I was a go-er'. I was appalled at this! As I said, I didn't think I was prudish but is this how people date now? Is this what's expected?? I absolutely did not give ANY 'go-er' signals at all. The conversation wasn't smutty or sexual in the least. There was a very tiny kiss on the cheek prior to the head pulling and hard gropey kiss in the car. I went straight home and deleted his number and blocked him. Please tell me this is not normal dating in the 21st century!!

OP posts:
ElephantsYeah · 03/09/2017 14:58

No it's not normal. He sounds horrendous. Block and ignore him. Hope you meet someone much nicer soon x

orangeowls · 03/09/2017 14:58

What a knob! You're well rid of him.

Anecdoche · 03/09/2017 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Babyblues14 · 03/09/2017 15:02

I'd of punched him in the bloody face and got a taxi home. Can't believe you managed to stop yourself from doing so. Wouldn't have got a lift home from him he sounds like a creep

ChickenBhuna · 03/09/2017 15:02

Not normal op. I'm sorry that this happened to you. Am glad you're okay.

Namechangetempissue · 03/09/2017 15:03

Awful! Poor you OP. Must have been quite scary actually. Well done for blocking him and moving on.

LindyHemming · 03/09/2017 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbarianMum · 03/09/2017 15:05

So you were just having a walk along by the river and then he tried to force you to blow him! Shock I sincerely hope that is not normal. Should have kicked him in the knackers.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 03/09/2017 15:06

Eh? I'm confused at why you have to ask?

FuckupArtist · 03/09/2017 15:06

Fucking he'll thats sexual harassment if not assault! Jesus Christ that is NOT normal behaviour no matter what 'signals' a woman might be giving off No means Fucking No simple as that!Angry
I hope you're ok. You didn't deserve that I'm sorry it happened to you. Flowers

StatueInTheSky · 03/09/2017 15:07

This reply has been deleted

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NC4now · 03/09/2017 15:09

No it's not normal. Are you ok?

KityGlitr · 03/09/2017 15:11

No don't worry, not normal at all.

Might be an idea to keep the first few dates with someone you've never met before to just public stuff like coffee or lunch, I wouldn't ever risk getting in a stranger's car knowing he had the ability to lock me in or drive me anywhere he wanted to against my will. That's not to say some creeps wouldn't behave nicely for a few dates and then do this the minute they get you alone of course. But it may well weed out the ones like this guy who expect sexual activity on a first meet.

Sounds very frightening, I hope you're okay. Sorry your first foray back into dating was with such an enormous creep, I hope it doesn't put you off.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 03/09/2017 15:12

YANBU and you are definitely not overreacting. Sounds like assault to me.

ShmooBooMoo · 03/09/2017 15:16

Pulling your head towards his crotch despite your very obvious protestations. I'd report the incident to the police quite frankly!

RochelleGoyle · 03/09/2017 15:16

No, it's not normal OP, he was just a dick head!

ferntwist · 03/09/2017 15:18

Not normal at all. So sorry your first date back on the scene was with such a wanker. Good luck for next time!

PaintingByNumbers · 03/09/2017 15:18

Do you have enough details on him to report to the police? Even if it doesnt go any further, it might help some other poor woman one day, he sounds a rapist in the making

junebirthdaygirl · 03/09/2017 15:19

Please do not go anywhere alone with a stranger no matter what age. Any advice you would give your dd follow for yourself. There are right creeps out there.
I hope you meet someone nice.

UninspiringUserName · 03/09/2017 15:20

Good God, he sounds utterly vile. Well done for deleting and blocking him. Does he know where you live? Please don't be put off dating again - he's a one-off. And yes, if there's a means to report him, do.

AnnetteCurtains · 03/09/2017 15:20

I too would be reporting to the police
I would hate to think of him doing that to someone else
Its assault

hibbledobble · 03/09/2017 15:20

He pushed your head down after you said no. That is assault. You are right that this is not ok.

In the future, don't go into other people's cars on first dates, it's best to stay somewhere public.

QOD · 03/09/2017 15:21

Jeez. Sounds horrendous. I've been with the same date since the 80's thankfully

HappyAxolotl · 03/09/2017 15:22

Hell no that is not normal, not in the slightest! He's a freak. Not surprised you are upset, I would be too.

Maelstrop · 03/09/2017 15:22

He was expecting a blowjob?! Wtaf?! Please don't get in a stranger's car again, no matter how nice they seem. I hear Ted Bundy was very charming!

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