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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be upset by behaviour of 'first date'?

108 replies

ConfessionsOfaDivorcee · 03/09/2017 14:56

NC for this as I'm a) embarrassed, b) possibly overreacting and c) being naive/prudish/old-fashioned and maybe uptight!! I'm no longer 'in my prime' (ok, over 50!) and haven't dated for a very long time, so this has been a bit of an eye-opener for me! I didn't think I was prudish...quite the opposite actually, if I'm honest, and I was looking forward to going out and starting to meet new people again. I was talked into internet dating and arranged to meet someone at the weekend. He seemed nice, we chatted on the phone and got on really well. Had a lovely lunch and as it was a gorgeous sunny day he suggested we continue the date and go for a drive to a nearby country park. Which we did...he drove. We walked by the river, linked arms, all very charming and he kissed me on the cheek. It was sweet, nothing heavy. On the way back he pulled into a lay-by and went straight in for a kiss...very 'gropey' this time and I pulled back, a little taken aback by the suddenness of this. He was very insistent and kept pulling my head...down towards his crotch!! I was just as insistent saying no, but he kept pulling my head quite hard actually, until I pushed him in the chest and told him to take me back...which he did...laughing it off saying that he could wait 'until he had me somewhere more private'. He 'knew I was a go-er'. I was appalled at this! As I said, I didn't think I was prudish but is this how people date now? Is this what's expected?? I absolutely did not give ANY 'go-er' signals at all. The conversation wasn't smutty or sexual in the least. There was a very tiny kiss on the cheek prior to the head pulling and hard gropey kiss in the car. I went straight home and deleted his number and blocked him. Please tell me this is not normal dating in the 21st century!!

OP posts:
Shockers · 03/09/2017 18:59

That's sexual assault!

Sunnyjac · 03/09/2017 19:00

Attempted sexual assault, you could report him. Avoid like the plague in future and no this is not normal xx

KarmaNoMore · 03/09/2017 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarmaNoMore · 03/09/2017 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Macncheesewithbacon · 03/09/2017 19:07

Oh god that's horrible. What an entitled twat. Someone did that to me when I was 21, I reacted as you did but have always wished I had chomped my teeth and growled at him with a mad eyed stare instead....

OurMiracle1106 · 03/09/2017 21:28

No it's not ok but It isn't entirely unusual for online dating unfortunately.

Always always tell someone where you are going who with, what time you expect to be back, if you change location let them know, a text when you get there, when you leave date and when you get home. Never get into a car with a stranger no matter how long you've been talking or allow them to walk/drop etc you home

Also may be worth investing in the "alert5" app

Hope you are ok and sorry this is your first experience of online dating

Not all out there are like this, and although I didn't met my current boyfriend online I have met some long term friends who for whatever reason didn't fit romantically

FlowersCakeWine

user1490607838 · 03/09/2017 22:12

No it's not ok but It isn't entirely unusual for online dating unfortunately.

I know I sound horribly naive, but I have been married since the mid 1990's, and I haven't dated since the 1980's!

So is it common for men - over 50 - to try it on, and want to get 'down and dirty' on the first date?!

Is it normal for people in their 50's, to have sex on the first date?

Like I said, don't laugh, I haven't 'dated' for over a LONG time (as I have been married for many years; ) so I just wondered...

To be honest, the more I read about dating (on here - and other forums,) the more I know I would just remain single if DH died (or we split up.)

d270r0 · 03/09/2017 22:16

And thats the reason this one is not currently in a relationship.

user1490607838 · 03/09/2017 22:18

You mean you? @d270ro What reason?

crimsonlake · 03/09/2017 22:50

I think this is a lesson learnt, never get in to a car with a stranger. I am fairly experienced at on line dating and would never dream of getting in a car with someone I had only just met. If this situation crops up again simply agree to reach the next destination in separate cars and meet up there.

d270r0 · 04/09/2017 18:23

No no, I meant the reason the guy OP dated is not in a relationship- because of the horrid slimy way he acted.

Norland · 05/09/2017 15:42

How do you both delete his number AND block him OP?

What you have described is assault and should be reported to the police. Don't worry if you have deleted his number, it's a legal requirement for the mobile telephone network providers to keep records of calls - in fact this applies to all Communications Providers (CP) and even on a pay-as-you-go phone, there will be a record of your calls, held by the CP.

So contact your CP, ask for a record of your call/text logs (or log in online for a contract phone) and you'll be able to see all your call/text/data traffic.

You'll soon work out which is his number then you can report the assault to the police.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2017 15:48

My god what a bloody arse. He assaulted you! I would recommend never going in a car or back to dates home,unless you know him well. Always meet in public.

Annabelle4 · 05/09/2017 15:49

Oh gosh OP, that was a horrific experience.

At least you're safe. It could have been a lot worse, especially if it was night time.

NC4now · 05/09/2017 15:57

You've no reason to feel embarrassed OP. He's the one that should be ashamed of his behaviour.
I met my husband online and he has never behaved in such a horrible way. Date one we went for afternoon drinks, walked up to the bus stop together and had a quick kiss.
Sex only happened when I eagerly invited him to my bedroom on date three. We were in our 30s.
You just got unlucky with this slimeball. They aren't all like that.

purplecorkheart · 05/09/2017 16:00

Hope you are doing ok? What a horrible thing to happen. Please do report him. Once you have his username and the website the police will be able to get his information from them.
Take care of yourself over the next few days. Sometimes when you get an awful fright like you it can take a few days before it really hits.

HiJenny35 · 05/09/2017 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BadGrandma · 05/09/2017 16:52

Woah - Nice bit of victim blaming there, HiJenny35!
Yes, women do need to be "sensible" - "protect themselves" - because there seem to be some men around who didn't get taught that it's not OK to assume that they can have sex, BJ or whatever from any woman they happen to select. And that a woman with a profile on a dating site isn't automatically going to comply.

OP, he's a sleazeball, there are a few around, but there are decent guys too. Don't let this stop you moving on and meeting new people. I met my husband through a dating site years and years ago, I kissed a few frogs before I found my prince but I found him eventually! I know lots of couples who have done the same.
Good luck!

kittybiscuits · 05/09/2017 16:57

You are not stupid and it's not your fault. I'm so sorry you encountered this sexual predator. Sorry there are some cuntish comments on your thread. They say everything about the posters and nothing about you.

TheNaze73 · 05/09/2017 17:46

His behaviour was a disgrace. I'd report this.

If he's internet dating, he's bound to be talking & meeting a lot of women. He's dangerous

WashingMatilda · 05/09/2017 17:55

I would never dream of getting in a car with someone I had only just met

Well woop de bloody do for you. She got in the car with him ffs, are victims to be blamed for the offender picking them up for the date now?? Confused

OP, it was not 'attempted' sexual assault, it WAS sexual assault. If he had managed to do what he was intending it would have been rape.

HelenaDove · 05/09/2017 19:41

HiJenny A similar thing happened to me back in 1990 when i was 17.

I was offered a lift home by a 56 year old family friend. In fact my parents used to leave me and DB in their care when we were in junior school so my parents could go out to work. So i got in the car He kept on about what a beautiful young woman i was growing into. And kept asking for a kiss. UGH. I was petrified and scared that he was going to drive me to some out of the way place. Luckily he didnt and dropped me off round the corner from my house. I told my parents..............after a bit of victim blaming my dad did say "what IS the matter with that fucking idiot"

Whether the man is known to you are not some will always victim blame.

HelenaDove · 05/09/2017 19:43

Sorry I meant Whether the man is known to you OR not, some will always victim blame.

HiJenny35 · 06/09/2017 00:02

Oh bullshit, at no point did I say that the op wasn't treated disgusting or that he had any right to do what he did however yes everyone men and women have to realise that sexual predators are around and will use dating sites to access victims. We have to take measures to keep ourselves safe and limit the opportunities of being vulnerable, you have to protect yourself the best you can.

Beadieeye · 06/09/2017 00:34

Unfortunately it's very normal for online daters to roll up thoroughly expecting a hook up, a lot of them are in it for that.
But sexual assault is not normal, what a scummy bastard! I hope you're ok and not too shaken up by this experience Flowers