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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this woman is a CF? Parking.

324 replies

Mummyme1987 · 03/09/2017 10:45

My Oh works in a shop in town that has a shared car park with two other shops. The car park doesn't have set spaces for each shop or even set areas for each shop. It's unmarked, not even has tarmac and doesn't even have a gate, it's just a piece of shingled land. He has to get to work about 45 mins early to get a spot. Our car is a medium size one and he parks in a usual manner, not sticking out or anti socially. Just the same as everyone else. He's only been there a few months but one of the other people that works in the next door shop has complained to his boss that he's parking in her spot. She said it should be kept for her as she's been there years and it always has been hers. She wanted him to move it midshift. The boss checked with the higher ups about the car park and it turns out it belongs to the shop my oh works at and they allow the other shops to use spaces as a courtesy. The woman was told this and told that he wouldn't be moving. But now she comes into his shop and asks him to move his car regularly out of her spot. He doesn't of course, he politely refuses and tells her it's a first come first served system and he gets there first. He's getting fed up with this. He's now considering getting a neighbour to drop him off rather than put up with this. I can't drive so can't drop him. But the neighbour works longer hours and oh would have to wait around. Other parking options are very expensive, which I guess is why this woman is kicking off. I think Oh should just keep parking there but he is feeling like it's not going to stop. I think she's a CF and best thing to do is stand up to her. His boss isn't there most of the time so hasn't got involved again but I'm trying to get Oh to get them involved as he shouldn't have to put up with it. He just wants it to stop. If I could drive then dropping him off would be an option but I can't. Ainu to think this behaviour is not on and needs stopping? Sorry no diagram!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 03/09/2017 13:20

So the other option is just not to park there if he isn't willing to say no to here directly every time or he will need to involve management.

Mummyme1987 · 03/09/2017 13:21

That was his solution. But I want him to stand up to her.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 03/09/2017 13:22

At the end of the day it's his work place and his decision on how to deal with it, not yours. Although getting the neighbour to drive him is ridiculous!

LexieLulu · 03/09/2017 13:23

How many other businesses use this company car park? As there's only 10 spaces I think it should be discussed stopping other shops using it?

If your husband got there after this woman, he should be able to use this space as it's his companies space.

I suggest your DH emails a higher staff and explain the "job perk" parking and the issues it's causing him

Trollspoopglitter · 03/09/2017 13:23

Honestly, 7 pages. Why did you post?! Your husband is too cowardly to stand up for himself and you're on here shooting down every suggestion. No, there isn't a magical internet solution you didn't know about. Yes, he will have to be an adult and sort it himself.

Mummyme1987 · 03/09/2017 13:24

He's been saying surely she will get bored soon. He's let it go far too long just hoping it will stop. And working days she's not there.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 03/09/2017 13:25

Working the days she is not there is also ridiculous.

Deemail · 03/09/2017 13:26

He needs to answer no every single time with a short witty one liner that delivers how cheeky/intimidating she's been. Delivered with a smile but with a clear sting that highlights she's a bully.

Fresh8008 · 03/09/2017 13:27

If he cant video her harassment then he really needs to document every time it happens. Take a notebook out in front of her and as he record what she is saying stating "this is the 5th time you have harassed me this week".

Or if he is unable to talk to her, give her a copy of his written record each time she harasses him. She might think its a nasty joke but he needs to implant in her mind that she is harassing him, that it is not acceptable, it is not a joke and he will be taking action.

This is the kind of thing that causes mental health issue in some people.

You also need to email the boss every time it happens, to create a record. Not only can you then start to prove she is harassing him but also that the company is aware it is happening and did nothing to stop it. It could also be used if there was any constructive dismissal.

Then also send a recorded delivery letter detailing all this to the CFs company as they are also responsible for their employees actions during work hours and could also be liable if they take no action.

Has he explored joining a Union? I bet they could help here.

Theresnonamesleft · 03/09/2017 13:27

He tells her every time to ask someone in her store to move. It's a perk of my job and your store have an invite if only there are spaces after all our staff are parked. We all know this so why are you harassing me daily?

Mummyme1987 · 03/09/2017 13:28

3 shops use it. They are small shops.

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 03/09/2017 13:29

Your husband is actually doing very well, despite her harrassment, he doesn't move his car.

What he needs to do is to reinforce how daft her repeated requests are.
Monday- CF asks him to move the car
OH says No, I have more right to park there than you. My company owns the car park.

Tuesday - CF asks him to move his car OUT OF HER SPACE
OH should say- didin't you ask me that yesterday? And what was my reply?

Wednesday - CF says he shouldn't be parking there.
OH- I refer you to Tuesday's reply. And Monday's.

Fresh8008 · 03/09/2017 13:31

Another thought, could he get signed off sick for stress by a doctor on full pay caused by work based harassment? I bet the company would start to deal with the matter once it was costing them money.

Nicknacky · 03/09/2017 13:33

fresh Calm or down, police, ms gal health issues and now off such with stress! It's a parking space dispute!

Nicknacky · 03/09/2017 13:33

Gah, mental health issues.

Mummyme1987 · 03/09/2017 13:34

I think it won't stop unless he involves more his bosses, I just hope he's seen as the victim. I know he's worried she will try to turn it around on him. He does worry over things. Don't think you should be calling him a coward because he is worried about taking things further. He has had some mh problems in the past but had overcome them. I worry this is affecting him.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 03/09/2017 13:35

Op, let's not exaggerate he is not a "victim"

Gemini69 · 03/09/2017 13:35

this problem should not be a 'problem' ... this is ridiculous Confused

Theresnonamesleft · 03/09/2017 13:36

If she wears a ring inform that id's where she works there's another option.
Ask friends/family/carer to pop into his store to make a purchase at the time she goes in. They then write feedback to both stores about cf giving a good description of her. That way both companies become aware of it.
If she asks for the discount each time they could also mention she also seems to bully others for their discount.

Obviously the friends etc don't walk in and say you alright Dave. How's the missus? They don't know each other. This way it's not him . It's just random customers who have witnessed her behaviour.

Fresh8008 · 03/09/2017 13:36

It's a parking space dispute!
Nicknacky Not really, for this poor guy its daily work based harassment, it really gets some people down.

Mummyme1987 · 03/09/2017 13:37

He wouldn't take time off over this. But it isn't a nice situation.

OP posts:
Fresh8008 · 03/09/2017 13:39

I suspect this thread would go differently if it was an angry man intimidating a female shop floor worker every day. Would she be called a coward?

purpledonkey · 03/09/2017 13:39

We can't all be tough self assured people

Yes but he DOES need to stand up to her. People have posted on here some good suggestions which you continue to poo poo.
Maybe you can put a note in his lunch box asking her to stop being so mean.

Does that help?

Mummyme1987 · 03/09/2017 13:39

Nicky I feel his is the victim as he's having this happen to him. He hasn't had it happen because he did anything wrong. In my eyes that makes him the victim not the perpetrator of the harassment.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 03/09/2017 13:40

Has anyone said she is angry and intimidating?

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