To feel like my wedding was ruined?

[Bridezilla2be]

I've been in a really bad place since my wedding a few weeks ago. On the day I thought it all went great and DH and I enjoyed it but the next day we found out some of our guests got food poisoning from the buffet.

This was followed by other complaints about the venue (bar staff not putting spirits with mixers but charging for them, for example) until it seemed like no one had anything good to say about the reception part of the day at all.

I contacted the venue to pass on the various issues people had along with some of the things that had gone wrong for us (but which we just brushed over as you want your wedding day to be perfect) thinking they would just apologise but instead they told me it was too late to complain (it was two days after) and guests should have made their complaints on the night!

I explained this is not how people I know behave at a wedding and that the people who got food poisoning were ill overnight but they completely denied any wrongdoing. They were quite rude about it and seem so intent on squeezing every last penny out of people (most complaints were financially focused) that they have no interest in providing a good service.

This is a big chain hotel, which (stupidly) cost us £1000's (the poisonous buffet was over £600 of it) and I am shocked/upset they won't even apologise for their mistakes.

AIBU to feel like my wedding has been ruined after the day? I'm finding it hard to remember the good stuff now

And WIBU to make a complaint and expect an apology? DH thinks I should have 'just left it' so it didn't make things awkward.

TheColonelAdoresPuffins huh?

So sorry this happened to you and your guests OP. On the food poisoning point, I have had food poisoning twice and it happened within about three hours of eating the poison (Wimpy Hamburgers).

Food pousoning often hits within four hours.

I'm another who says food poisoning can hit the same night: I've just got out of hospital from salmonella poisoning and it came on 3 hours after eating.

If they were properly ill and went to doctor/hospital and had blood/stool tests then the hotel don't have a leg to stand on.

If it's just a dicky over night tummy then that's much harder to get recognition for.

yanbu I hope you can get some compensation and maybe have another party for your guests? I can definitely understand why you feel your day was ruined but try to focus on the good stuff and maybe plan something special to make up for it. Also can you send around apologises to your first and explain how devastated you feel ? Maybe some of them will be able to remind some of the good stuff that happened that day and help you to change your focus!

Couldn't poor hygiene in the kitchen cause a quick reaction in guests? (Don't really like lingering on the thought of this...sorry OP.)

100% I would pursue and complain. Don't be fobbed off by 'you can't prove it' without even at least trying.

Phone Environment health op to report this and stop it happening to next wedding. The time scale is right for food poisoning.

Write letter to venue stating factually all the faults. Request a response within 10 days. Whos in charge of the chain! Letter to them

LoveMusic33

Your post perfectly illustrates why the OP has been given the attitude she has by the venue.

Folk spend thousands on a wedding, namely to have a "perfect" day. It doesn't always go right and that's a shame.

The problem here is that the OP has a fair suspicion that the hotel hasn't kept up its standards and she's upset that not only get guests were let down (or perhaps poisoned) but that she's forked out a ton of cash for a crappy service followed up with a crappy and dismissive minimisation of her feedback.

She has every right to ask for further investigation from the company HO/Trading Standards AND environmental Heath/the FSA about her concerns re the food.

Above anything else, how would you feel if "the happiest day of your life" was marred for so many by a potentially avoidable situation? OP isn't BU and maybe investigation - even if it concludes no wrongdoing on the venues part - may allow for closure of the guilt the OP seems to feel about it all.

Staphylococcus is caused by poor hand-washing and has an onset time of 1 hour so it can happen, although most food poisoning has an onset of 12+ hours. Also it would normally affect more than just a few guests.

Kinder not to tell you. Nothing you can do now really bar complain totally not your fault and now you are understandably upset.

I have travelled extensively (India Cuba etc) but the only place I've ever got sick from flipping Jamie Oliver. Hail and hearty ate his mussels shortly after that - wow unpleasant. Lunch was a treat first trip out for my sister and I with our newborns.

Their response appalling - fobbed dh off, rude, unresponsive. Put us right off st Jamie.

Bluntness, I'm afraid you are wrong about food poisoning. There are many different bacteria and viruses that cause food poisoning with different incubation periods which can be found on and in all foods including salads, fruits, puddings as well as meet and fish. So yes an actual bacterial infection needs at least 24 hours to grow in your gut. Viruses can be quicker and what's worse, some bacteria produce toxins. Eating these toxins will cause abrupt food poisoning within a few hours.

Of course it's food poisoning. Occam's razor. People do talk the most absolute bollocks on Mumsnet. If the hotel isn't investigated then they'll ruin someone else's wedding next time.

Food poisoning can happen in hours or days, depends on what type. Don't let them fob you off. Also as it's a buffet rather than a sit down meal, not everyone has exactly the same, so it makes sense that only some guests were ill and not all. There may be other guests who got ill and haven't mentioned it out of politeness.
You are doing the right thing pursuing but do get some legal advice.

yy Mogster and hackmum
OP I hope you get a result.

Some forms of food poisoning are quick to manifest.

I think I made a mistake assuming it was the meat being undercooked that caused people to be unwell (as guests mentioned both together) when as PPs have said it could have been poor hygiene. I probably should have wrote a more open-ended complaint rather than doing the investigating for them but I assume the outcome would have remained the same as they were very closed to all the other points I made, putting things down to 'human error', although errors always benefiting them financially.

I have since found a ranting review stating a lot of shocking points: they clean the kitchens only when an inspection approaches, the food served is low quality and almost out of date and the cutlery basket is kept next to the trash bins I guess it is a disgruntled former employee but they haven't even responded and it's pretty bad!

Just to clarify the buffet was in the evening while all the day guests ate the same main meal. I do wonder if the chef went home and left an inexperienced person to do the buffet...

Anyway I am thankful that the pregnant and elderly guests didn't eat from it because that could have been a whole lot worse.

Not that diff to prove, involve EH as suggested, they can investigate especially as twitter, etc suggest not a one off. Get guests to you details & send copies to Hotel / CEO / DM with specifics & how you want to be compensated & most importantly as them to check the stock levels on booze & if recent wedding it won't tally up wiv sales. Precisely for this sort of shit being done by employees, shops, restaurants, bars, etc. do stock takes - so they can check budgeting correctly & for any funny business (hubby worked for Legoland as Chef & Functions Manager years ago & I've worked in retail, bars & silver service waitressing - management know when staff have a crafy bottle of wine after work from leftover functions & its because they stock take). If less booze gone than should have been - your complaint will be proved. Just say not happy with action so far & are considering legal action if don't investigate properly.

Good luck! We had problems with our evening do on our wedding day - a meal for ten people at a local hotel. They claimed to have lost the booking so hadn't reserved a table- despite us choosing the menu the previous day and the wedding party staying there the previous night!

There were several other things wrong but the manager just denied most of it happened (she even accused my husband of lying) and ignoring the rest. I then complained to the hotel chain who got their letters confused and sent us a response to someone else's complaint(!).
About two months later they eventually offered us a free meal there but I have refused to ever set foot in the place again.
I did write a stinking review on TripAdviser and have told everyone I know so hopefully they lost lots of business as a result.

Can I ask the name of the chain of hotels?

I caught salmonella from a lunchtime sandwich once. Ate at 12, started feeling rocky by 3pm, started throwing up at 9.30pm, hospitalised next morning. Bloody thing must have been teeming. Its not always a delayed reaction.

Write again? Ask for an apology and a partial refund. Or else you will take it further?

I think it is Trading Standards who would deal with the no spirits in a drink thing. My friend was nearly fined for underpouring by 1ml when they got 'mystery shopped' years ago.

I know someone who tests food for a living, you'll be shocked which foods grow bacteria quickly. So tuna / sweetcorn you'd assume fish, actually it's the sweetcorn. So if they've left a can open say for a few days, then add in possible cross contamination.

Not blaming the sweetcorn, just stating that you wouldn't believe what risky foods there are. The person tested awesome cakes sometimes, they'd share them before results got back, but these were high end cakes.

In midwifery school was taught you can go to toilet, if you don't wash hands properly you can pick up bugs & pass them easy. Plus the whole flushing the loo, there's like this zone where there's just grimness in the air.