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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like my wedding was ruined?

149 replies

Bridezilla2be · 03/09/2017 10:30

I've been in a really bad place since my wedding a few weeks ago. On the day I thought it all went great and DH and I enjoyed it but the next day we found out some of our guests got food poisoning from the buffet.

This was followed by other complaints about the venue (bar staff not putting spirits with mixers but charging for them, for example) until it seemed like no one had anything good to say about the reception part of the day at all.

I contacted the venue to pass on the various issues people had along with some of the things that had gone wrong for us (but which we just brushed over as you want your wedding day to be perfect) thinking they would just apologise but instead they told me it was too late to complain (it was two days after) and guests should have made their complaints on the night!

I explained this is not how people I know behave at a wedding and that the people who got food poisoning were ill overnight but they completely denied any wrongdoing. They were quite rude about it and seem so intent on squeezing every last penny out of people (most complaints were financially focused) that they have no interest in providing a good service.

This is a big chain hotel, which (stupidly) cost us £1000's (the poisonous buffet was over £600 of it) and I am shocked/upset they won't even apologise for their mistakes.

AIBU to feel like my wedding has been ruined after the day? I'm finding it hard to remember the good stuff now Sad

And WIBU to make a complaint and expect an apology? DH thinks I should have 'just left it' so it didn't make things awkward. Hmm

OP posts:
Ginandplatonic · 03/09/2017 11:24

There are multiple pathogens which can cause food poisoning with an onset hours after ingestion Bluntness including Salmonella.

Multiple unrelated people who ate at the same venue all becoming ill overnight sounds likely to be food poisoning to me.

ButtfaceMiscreant · 03/09/2017 11:31

My husband got food poisoning from coleslaw that hit that evening (ate it as part of a wrap at lunch time, then was ill for days from about 7/8hoirs after eating jt). We know it was that as it was from a food cart at a food festival and I had the same, minus the coleslaw (we had eaten exactly the same food the rest of the day as well). He was ill for months after and still has after effects 2.5yrs later, so those saying it couldn't possibly be food poisoning if it wasn't seafood are wrong.

Pursue it OP, I would. It may not restore good feelings but it will help you not to dwell.

QuimReaper · 03/09/2017 11:32

Bluntness I used to work for a food delivery company and we'd occasionally have people claiming we'd given them food poisoning. It was very annoying because they'd often say "I finished my Pad Thai and then FOUR MINUTES LATER I was throwing up so it was obviously that", and we had to say "well in the nicest possible way that more or less entirely rules out the Pad Thai as the culprit" Grin Problem is I suspect that in some cases they may not have been being strictly honest, it could have been eighteen or twenty hours later, but they thought if they gave that timeframe we would say "oh well then it could have been loads of different things".

indulgentberries · 03/09/2017 11:33

I had food poisoning from a vegetarian meal, it showed up in a couple of hours and I was in hospital by that night.

SongforSal · 03/09/2017 11:34

OP. I was at wedding a few years ago, immediately after the starter (It was an onion soup type thing with cream and melted cheese and bread) I started to get stomach pains. Within a couple of hours, I met a bunch of ladies in the loo......sorry to be graphic, but we were all experiencing severe diarrhea, the only common denominator was the soup starter.

It's entirely possible to get hit quickly.

OnTheRise · 03/09/2017 11:53

You do have proof: you have accounts from the people who got ill, you have accounts from the people who were charged for spirits they weren't served. Ask everyone who had a problem to write or email to you, explaining what was wrong with them, and then you'll have your proof.

Witness statements are counted as evidence in court, so they're good enough in this case, I'd assume.

cordeliavorkosigan · 03/09/2017 12:02

tweet the story, be a bit careful to say eg that many guests got ill (rather than explicitly say that they are poisoning guests)... use their twitter handle to tweet it at the hotel. bet you get a response then!

MissEDashwood · 03/09/2017 12:03

Did you have wedding insurance? Sometimes that covers such eventualities.

I'm sorry you feel so deflated, it does seem odd those who asked for spirits but got none, didn't say anything right away. There's not much you can do after the event has happened.

With food poisoning, plus all correspondence, keep a detailed log for your own records. Hopefully you can move forward with that, but again why not say something there and then, over chomping on half cooked chicken for example.

After a wedding you get the blues, you've been so focussed on making it perfect, then it's over and you have nothing to do, so feel a bit lost. As it's the start of the school year, are there any courses you fancy to take up time and keep you busy.

Wishing you a happy and healthy marriage. Flowers

JaneEyre70 · 03/09/2017 12:06

It could have been the food OP, but I'd also say that we went to a wedding several years ago and thought that one of the Groom's parents had a serious illness, they were so pale and looked awful. Turned out they'd got noro, had been up all night with v & d but chose to ignore medical advice and infect about half of the guests. All 3 of my DDs got it, it's not a week I would ever choose to relive Hmm. The person shook everyone's hand/kissed guests in the line up at the reception, and helped themselves from the buffet Shock. The Bride was out the other side of fuming and it caused a fair few rows I believe........... It would be pretty hard to prove, but if it was from undercooked meat and not a virus, then your guests need to visit their GP and get some samples taken. Put that up as a FB status. That's really the only way to prove food poisoning. But don't think that your guests didn't enjoy the day because of it Flowers.

deadringer · 03/09/2017 12:10

Definitely contact trading standards about the drinks and eh about the food. It sounds like the hotel are taking the piss. I had a very nasty bout of food poisoning and it came on within a few hours so it is possible. Their response is disgraceful and I wouldn't let them get away with such appalling service.

Aridane · 03/09/2017 12:25

Do not go to social media at this stage- only at the end.

So:

  1. environmental health

  2. trading standards

  3. letter of complaint

Then once you have an outcome, social media

AJPTaylor · 03/09/2017 12:45

Or possibly accept it cant be proved and focus on the lovely parts of your day.

Whinesalot · 03/09/2017 12:51

Try to hang on to the good memories op, however hard it is.

OhTheRoses · 03/09/2017 12:53

All I've got a different spin on this. How ungracious of your guests to tell you and spoil your day.

I once sent to a wedding where as soon as the B&G left, the mother ushered us out of the tent because the family were going out to dinner. We, about 30 close friends in our 20s agreed not to tell the bride. She would have been mortified.

LouHotel · 03/09/2017 12:57

OP speaking as someone in hotel management particularly banquets and weddings...theyve screwed you on the food poisoning response.

Suspected food poisoning should be investigated in detail by a venue withim 72 hours (so they had enough time). The venue shouldnhave contacted environmental health and samples of ingredients in the kitchen would be tested.

You cam still report them and if you have their dismissal of your complaint in writing submit that to the council and the venue is likely to get a surprise inspection.

Sayyouwill · 03/09/2017 12:58

This may have been mentioned but have you asked to view the CCTV?

I'm a manager in a wedding venue and have ran hundreds of weddings myself. 99% of venues will have a till behind the bar, and they would need to have CCTV of the till point, so you would be able to see if they were or weren't adding spirit to the drinks (this is how i caught my staff sneaking spirits on duty).
You can write to EH and mention that you got food poisoning from the venue and they will investigate the kitchens.

Your complaint should have been taken seriously, however I would have raised the drinks issue on the night. Quite often people will come back to a venue post event and try to find ways to get money back. Obviously that advice is no good now, all I can suggest is keep going back to them.

I would also speak to trading standards. My venue had an anonymous complaint about a particular lager being poured with too much head and therefore short changing people. TS came out 'undercover' 3 times over the next couple of weeks to order said lager and see for themselves. We had been correct in pouring it, it is well known for having a generous head lol.

LouHotel · 03/09/2017 13:04

They have actually left themselves open for getting in serious trouble with health and safety legislations.

Food poisoning has tobbe recorded with actions and results...when you now report them to EH if they havent done anything there side to investigate and report their gonna fail their next audit.

TeacupsAndDaffodils · 03/09/2017 13:11

My friend, her Ds and several guests got food poisoning at her Dsis Wedding so it could definitely happen. If it's not food poisoning someone bought a bug/nuro virus to the wedding. The Bride insisted that it didn't happen and people were exaggerating their symptoms Hmm

TatianaLarina · 03/09/2017 13:54

If it were multiple people who were all related/know each other/sat together it could be a norivirus, passed from person to person.

If it's multiple people who aren't related, don't know each other and didn't chat at the wedding, then I'd think it more likely to be food poisoning.

WeAllHaveWings · 03/09/2017 13:56

If it wasn't seafood op, then it's hugely unlikely food poisoning would hit the same day and they would be ill over night.

I've had food poising from chicken I had in a hotel/room service after a late check in at night, I woke around 4am and spent the next 24 hrs attached to the sink and toilet, missed my business meeting I travelled for, had to get a doctor in and had to ask a colleague to go out and buy me new underwear and pj's.

OP you and your guests had a great day on the day for your wedding so try to focus on that instead of the aftermath. Write to the hotels manager/HQ telling them factual information about the food poisoning (don't think you will get anywhere with the drink issue as no proof), tell trading standards and environmental health, write factual reviews on trip adviser etc make it uncomfortable for them. Then let it go.

TatianaLarina · 03/09/2017 14:01

Hotels and restaurants are surprisingly rude about food poisoning.

I ate mussels for lunch at the restaurant in Cannizzaro Park in Wimbledon (name and shame). Started feeling sick after the meal. By 7pm I felt so sick I couldn't eat supper. By 2am I was projectile vomiting. Couldn't keep anything down for a couple of days.

Rang them to let them know. Abrasive woman rang to ask questions and basically implied I was making it up. Rude and obnoxious. Said she'd ring me back and never did. Will never eat there again. Pretentious restaurant with not particularly good food.

MatildaTheCat · 03/09/2017 14:05

It attended a party recently where some BBQ prawn skewers were served. They looked unappetising so I gave them a miss. Within two hours my friend was suffering from d&v as were several others in the bathrooms with her.

Nobody was in any doubt as to the cause.

Environmental health all the way.

SandyDenny · 03/09/2017 14:10

Of course their first response will be to deny everything and some people will drop it at that stage.

If you want to take it further you've had good advice. I would also email the hotel manager and head office confirming all the interactions so far, saying you are not satisfied and tell them you have complained to both environmental health and trading standards (I think it's called something else now)

If an employee has passed on noro to your guests they might be able to trace that through sickness records at the hotel

Sayyouwill · 03/09/2017 14:14

@SandyDenny only problem is if they know they're being investigated by TS or EH they'll be able to prepare

Witchend · 03/09/2017 14:21

it does seem odd those who asked for spirits but got none, didn't say anything right away
Surely: You ask for a drink and you don't get what you are served. you take a sip, realise, and go straight back to the bar and say "this isn't what I wanted" Confused

Food poisoning, I doubt you can do much if you hadn't got confirmation. I've had food poisoning twice, once from Chicken Kiev, and once from BBQ sausages. Both times it was a few hours before it set in, but the most noticeable thing about it was dh, who had ate the same started being ill at almost exactly the same time.