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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like my wedding was ruined?

149 replies

Bridezilla2be · 03/09/2017 10:30

I've been in a really bad place since my wedding a few weeks ago. On the day I thought it all went great and DH and I enjoyed it but the next day we found out some of our guests got food poisoning from the buffet.

This was followed by other complaints about the venue (bar staff not putting spirits with mixers but charging for them, for example) until it seemed like no one had anything good to say about the reception part of the day at all.

I contacted the venue to pass on the various issues people had along with some of the things that had gone wrong for us (but which we just brushed over as you want your wedding day to be perfect) thinking they would just apologise but instead they told me it was too late to complain (it was two days after) and guests should have made their complaints on the night!

I explained this is not how people I know behave at a wedding and that the people who got food poisoning were ill overnight but they completely denied any wrongdoing. They were quite rude about it and seem so intent on squeezing every last penny out of people (most complaints were financially focused) that they have no interest in providing a good service.

This is a big chain hotel, which (stupidly) cost us £1000's (the poisonous buffet was over £600 of it) and I am shocked/upset they won't even apologise for their mistakes.

AIBU to feel like my wedding has been ruined after the day? I'm finding it hard to remember the good stuff now Sad

And WIBU to make a complaint and expect an apology? DH thinks I should have 'just left it' so it didn't make things awkward. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Bridezilla2be · 03/09/2017 10:52

I also don't know what else it can be, could they be lying and jumping on a bandwagon?

No as I said they're all from different groups, have had no contact with each other, probably not even at the wedding.

They're not the sort of people to get sick easily either.

OP posts:
Inertia · 03/09/2017 10:52

Environmental health will investigate the food poisonous if you contact them.

plantsitter · 03/09/2017 10:54

If you can bear it OP I would contact your guests and tell them you're planning to complain, could they please send any complaints they had about the buffet/bar so you can pursue it.

Then write it all down and post on here and then flag the DM try again.

They're counting on politeness to get away with this shit

Original poster
Bridezilla2be · 03/09/2017 10:57

Also not putting the spirit in with mixer could be a genuine mistake

It was one of many similar issues with trying to squeeze every last penny out of guests. The best man and my DB stood at the bar and watched them do it several times before calling them out on it but the venue won't even comment on that particular issue (as their main line of defence is that no one raised any complaints on the night).

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 03/09/2017 10:59

Collect evidence in writing/email from every guest who has complained. Then send a copy to the hotel, telling them what you want to happen next e.g. letter of apology, partial refund etc. and a time limit to respond. Be specific.

Send a copy of letters about the food poisoning to environmental health.

If the hotel doesn't respond as you have asked, send a copy to their head office, then MD as appropriate.

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2017 11:00

I had food poisoning from chicken quesadillas that came on within a couple of hours of eating them

That's not humanly possible. Salmonella can be as quick as eight hours in very, very severe cases but usually up to 72. If you ate rancid chicken you'd have thrown up immediately, not two hours later, it would make you sick just putting it in your mouth. You got sick from something else.

Op. A pp was right, it could have been a bug that was going round, but even then the timeline is suspect for that.

FluttershysCutieMark · 03/09/2017 11:00

But you have no proof. Yes you can claim food poisoning but as someone else has said it could be something going about that a guest has passed on to others.

With regards to drinks being charged but no alcohol being added, I can't believe it would be on such a scale that it was noticed but that nobody said anything or pulled the bar staff up, I mean if I bought a drink and I could tell there was no alcohol in it then I would ask for a new one.

Original poster
Bridezilla2be · 03/09/2017 11:01

Thanks plantsitter that seems like a good idea (not the DM lol!)

I am extremely British and overly polite, that's probably where I've been going wrong Blush

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 03/09/2017 11:01

Could it be Noro?

Slimthistime · 03/09/2017 11:02

I'm confused
The drinks have a fixed cost
And why did you and DH just watch people being overcharged?

I'd ask the guests to write to the venue re food poisoning but the drinks should be sorted easily. If you get any refunds you'd need to share with guests if they paid for their own.

plantsitter · 03/09/2017 11:03

Jaxhog's advice is the way to do it.

Good luck. Please keep at it. Perhaps you could throw another party with the partial refund for all your guests (somewhere else Grin) to take away the bad taste.

Slimthistime · 03/09/2017 11:04

*sorry best man and brother, did they tell you at the time?

Sounds an awful venue just for how they've handled this.

AJPTaylor · 03/09/2017 11:05

I think that you need to decide now whether you will feel better by pursiung this OR putting it down to experience and moving on. The damage has already been done.

grannytomine · 03/09/2017 11:12

I really think some of these places rely on the fact that guests won't complain as they don't want to upset the bride and groom. I went to a wedding at a very expensive hotel, well expensive for me anyway with a bedroom being £180 with discount as part of the wedding deal. They overcharged for the room, I stood and argued on my own and others behalf and got that sorted. As we were checking out I was asked if we had enjoyed our stay. I said apart from the fact that that bar staff were dumping bottles under our window at 3 am and after an hour I phoned reception and complained and eventually it stopped. There was a heatwave so we needed windows open as no AC. The reply, "Apart from that?" No apology nothing.

I hope you get some success.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/09/2017 11:13

The best man and my DB stood at the bar and watched them do it several times before calling them out on it but the venue won't even comment on that particular issue (as their main line of defence is that no one raised any complaints on the night).

Tbf people should have complained on the night. It is going to be extremely difficult for you to prove anything now.

Pericombobulations · 03/09/2017 11:15

I went to a wedding where many of us, includng the bride and groom fell ill. It was investigated by the local health authority, and all of us had to fill in a questionnaire about what we ate and when. In our case they blamed norovirus in the end.

SleepFreeZone · 03/09/2017 11:16

What were their symptoms? I can't remember the timings of my food poisoning after eating raw oysters, I think it was the second night after eating them, not the same night.

noblegiraffe · 03/09/2017 11:17

You can get food poisoning from reheated rice within a few hours.

DianaT1969 · 03/09/2017 11:17

Bluntness - food poisoning, from items other than seafood, can show within a few hours. I have years of experience in this area.
OP - ask each person who was ill to write a statement of what they ate and drank that day and their symptoms and the timeframe of the symptoms.
For over-charging at the bar - same thing - ask them to write who served them and what happened.
I'm sorry it affected your day and dealing with the complaint is a pain - but you deserve an apology and compensation. Your action may prevent other couples a similar disappointment.

Garliccalamari · 03/09/2017 11:18

Please leave a detailed google review. I always check them before I book something.

BlondeB83 · 03/09/2017 11:22

Contact environmental health and take to social media. I'm sorry your wedding was ruined OP Sad

Bombardier25966 · 03/09/2017 11:23

PLUS include their response of 'you can't prove it'. That's pretty much an admission of guilt.

No, it's an acknowledgement that the OP has no proof. It's similar to what someone might say if they were wrongly accused of a crime.

You should contact EH about the sickness issue and TS about the short drinks, they may have had other reports in which case they can look into it further. What you should not do is openly accuse a place of giving people food poisoning when a) you can't prove they caused it, and b) you don't even know for sure that it was food poisoning (I know OP has not said they are going to, but others are suggesting it).

Frustrating, but unless the issues were raised promptly, there's little you can do.

IfYouHappenToSee · 03/09/2017 11:23

Not one single person thought to mention the drink discrepancy at the time?

aurynne · 03/09/2017 11:23

It actually sounds like norovirus to me, especially seeing how fast it acted and that it seemed to affect random people who eat from the same buffet. Something similar happened after my wedding, a number of guests had D&V the day after (including myself and my sister), and I know exactly who brought it in (my nephews). However, my memories of the day are fantastic. You can choose to focus on the bad or enjoy the good things: you had a great day, married the love of your life. The day was NOT spoiled!

pinkdonkey · 03/09/2017 11:24

As PP said it is possible that it was norovirus passed on either from a guest or staff member (you are contagious for up to 48 hrs after your last symptom) without a stool sample I suspect you will be unable to prove food poisoning. For food poisioning I think that you would need to isolate a particular dish that everyone who got ill had eaten and that all those who ate it had got ill. On the other hand if someone who was preparing the food was contageous for norovirus many things could have been contaminated. Also there is a tendancy to build up resistance (particularly amoungst hospital staff) to local strains of norovirus so it is possible that some but not all guests would get it. I remember a friend of mine who worked in a bar telling me I was crazy to think they should stay off work 48hrs after nirovirus.

I think you and you DH need to sit down and talk through your day together taking some time to remember all the positive parts of the day, which I'm sure there were many.