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AIBU?

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Original poster

To write a tooth fairy letter to my dd10

133 replies

throwinshapes · 01/09/2017 22:44

She's a young 10. Not got great peer social skills- but confident and great talking to adult.
Also just diagnosed dyslexic (not relevant but paints a better pic).
She has just lost her first canine (the first tooth loss in years).
She has sweetly written the tf a letter asking a few questions about her.
Should I reply (like I occasionally did when she was little with tiny spidery writing)? Potentially making her an object of ridicule when she joins y6 next week.
Or should I write back and allow her her last vestiges of child wonder before she becomes Pre-teen?

OP posts:
Original poster
throwinshapes · 01/09/2017 23:55

I like your sentiment dodgy

OP posts:
FreeSpiritJen · 01/09/2017 23:56

@missusef

FreeSpiritJen surely by 10 they should be living on their own, don't know what kind of freeloaders you're raising to still be under your roof at that age

I know.

Twats. Hmm

@silverbell64 I believed in Santa til I was 12-ish.

How can you possibly make a sweeping generalisation that children do not believe in ANYthing, and just lie to appease their parents?

Purleeeze! You don't know every child, so cannot know all this.

You do sound very miserable to be honest. Why are you so full of negativity? Were you told Santa wasn't real at 6 or something, and it's made you bitter?

silverbell64 · 01/09/2017 23:57

So you've met my son that stopped believing at 5? Its the sort of age that they do you know. If however you like to carry it on then thats fine, for yourself. I also have an opinion and i don't have a sweary, angry demeanour either just a realistic one. Grin

Original poster
throwinshapes · 01/09/2017 23:57

silver you are entitled to your opinion.
It's always good to see counter-arguments to anything.

OP posts:
StickThatInYourPipe · 01/09/2017 23:57

throwinshapes I hear he doesn't leave gifts anyway, cheap git!

Tbh the only people who do piss me off are the people who say 'oh I won't lie to my children so we won't be doing Santa etc' i do feel sorry for those children. I like the idea of your note though, it sounds like fun and something she can keep. Stuff like that is still nice even to look back at when your an adult and know that was from your mum!

gentlydoesit89 · 01/09/2017 23:57

I'm devestated my nearly 6 year old doesn't believe.. he lost his first tooth a few weeks back and told me the next morning that I'm clearly the tooth fairy because I always have coins in my purse, and that he's 'not silly mummy'...
He's a cynical little what not, and he's petrified of Santa so the tooth fairy was all I had left!

schoolgaterebel · 01/09/2017 23:58

If she has written a letter she definitely needs one back.

I wouldn't send her off to high school in a year or two's time still believing in FC and the TF though, that would make life hard for her.

Original poster
throwinshapes · 01/09/2017 23:59

gently he sounds adorable.

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 02/09/2017 00:02

I'm not joyless, but I think once kids get to a certain age these things become more tricky.

For example, we want our kids to be honest and truthful (think "who ate the chocolate?" Kid looks up all innocent, with chocolate all round his/her mouth and says "I don't know... not me" = bad) and then we perpetuate FC and the TF etc.

My DD wrote to the TF at a much younger age (around 6) and got a letter back saying something encouraging and affirming but being very clear the letter was a one-off and that followed several nights of begging letters being put under her pillow ("PLEASE tooth fairy.... ...Your Best Friend, KeepDD").

I think by the end of KS2 and esp as they head towards secondary, this kind of thing needs to be done with a bit of a wink and a "well, WE believe, don't we" kind of attitude. I think if you don't, the ones who still believe are upset they don't get the same treatment and the more knowing ones will laugh at your child.

But, hey, whatever works for your family.

Original poster
throwinshapes · 02/09/2017 00:02

I pillowed the letter.
But I added a last line that I suspect will give her an inkling.

OP posts:
AtSea1979 · 02/09/2017 00:03

How sad that people think children shouldn't believe in magic at 5. DS is 12 and he still loves stuff like that and I love the wonder in his face when he gets a letter etc.

FreeSpiritJen · 02/09/2017 00:04

@silverbell64
So you've met my son that stopped believing at 5? Its the sort of age that they do you know. If however you like to carry it on then thats fine, for yourself. I also have an opinion and i don't have a sweary, angry demeanour either just a realistic one.

What ARE you talking about? Did you post on the wrong thread?

I said you haven't met every child so cannot make the generalisation that no child believe really and they are lying to appease their parents.

And who is being angry and sweary? I don't see that on here. Confused

x2boys · 02/09/2017 00:07

I like my mum's reply when I asked her wether Santa was real she said Santa was real if you believe...

Dustbunny1900 · 02/09/2017 00:08

I like how you're handling this throwinshapes, a lot of these threads get very heated.
I say as long as it's a fun playful game they like, no harm at all! My son and I make little houses on midsummer for the fae people and of course he knows deep down that I'm the one leaving "gifts" but we have fun together. If he asked me directly Id tell him it was me and that fairies probably don't exist (but hey many adults believe in things not proven). But he hasn't and it's cute to make believe.
I say write the letter

silverbell64 · 02/09/2017 00:09

I get what you're saying but peer pressure is great. Children that don't actually know the difference between fantasy (my son and i still sort of believe in all sorts privately) and reality have a very hard time at school.

apostropheuse · 02/09/2017 00:09

My children stopped believiing around 7 or so as did their friends. I think I was 8.

I'm truly baffled at ten year olds still believing.

FreeSpiritJen · 02/09/2017 00:11

I get what you're saying but peer pressure is great. Children that don't actually know the difference between fantasy (my son and i still sort of believe in all sorts privately) and reality have a very hard time at school.

First I've heard of this. That children who believe in 'fantasy stuff' get a very hard time at school.

Where is your evidence to back this up?

FreeSpiritJen · 02/09/2017 00:12

I'm 'truly baffled' that some people don't realise all people, and families, and children... are different.....

x2boys · 02/09/2017 00:13

Like I said up thread my son asked last yr in year five I told him the truth I don't think there is anything wrong in ten yr olds believing but I wouldn't send a child o secondary school believing as kids can be cruel .

silverbell64 · 02/09/2017 00:14

Believing in the tooth fairy and father Christmas is weird at 8 onwards.

julietbat · 02/09/2017 00:17

In your opinion.

x2boys · 02/09/2017 00:18

No it's not I was nine I,m not weird maybe you are though silver Confused

apostropheuse · 02/09/2017 00:20

Yes kids can be cruel. I personally believe that when a child is mature and smart enough to actually ask you for the truth you owe it to them to be truthful.

I also believe some children are so smart they keep the pretence up for tbe sake of thsir parents.

Judydreamsofhorses · 02/09/2017 00:20

I had a wisdom tooth out a few months ago. I didn't bring it back from the dentist's but my DP left a pound coin under my pillow. I am 44.

silverbell64 · 02/09/2017 00:20

Weird that the parents would do this of course.

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