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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS could only get 1 1/2 a levels, AIBU to think university isn't for him?

152 replies

Pickford1988 · 01/09/2017 14:36

DS wants to do pysics at university Shock he wants to end up being a secondary school teacher.

He did his a levels via distance learning due to us moving around a lot for his dad's work.

He only managed to get 1 1/2 a levels; he says it's because he struggled with learning from the booklets.

Surely if you're going to uni, you need to be able to learn like that??

He plans on doing an access Diploma to then go on to uni.

AIBU to think this path isn't the right thing for him?

OP posts:
ComputerUserNotTrained · 01/09/2017 16:50

Dear God I hope this is a windup.

GruffaloPants · 01/09/2017 16:56

The access course will help find out if he is suited to university. Bs at GCSE are better than a lot of people who go on to uni get. Give him a chance - if he can be settled, supported and focussed for the access course he might just surprise you. If not, he can go on to another option. It's just a year. He deserves a chance.

bookwormnerd · 01/09/2017 17:28

Distance learning isnt great for a level. You would have been better off getting a tutor to at least help with the understanding of booklets and also for him to be taught how to answer appropriatly to an a leval standard (a level students would do alot of practice answering questions and also have alot of guidence on how to answer and reading past papers, distance learning cant replicate it). Knowledge is only part of it, he would have needed to be taught as there is a jump from GCSE. I would look at him being able to a levels at a proper educational setting or see of could do foundation degree, access course would also work. He sounds capable but just given a poor hand by not being able to attend sixth form. Learning by self you can miss your own mistakes. Dont put him down. University you have lectures and seminars, can see tutors for help with essays so he would not be doing all from booklets plus having peers to discuss things with helps. He did well with a crap set of circumstances.

saoirse31 · 01/09/2017 18:14

Four son sounds great, ambitious, motivated, determined. You on other hand sound fairly unimpressive, dismissive of your sons ambitions, jealous maybe?

saoirse31 · 01/09/2017 18:14

Your son

Bluntness100 · 01/09/2017 18:22

He couldn't board because quite frankly with Bs at GCSE he wasn't going to get into a private sixth form

That's completely untrue. As such it means, just like uni, you don't know what you're talking about and sadly for your son, you didn't even look. You simply made an assumption that suited you.

This isn't ok op. Do what you can to support him to get into his access course and then onto uni. It's the least you owe him.

LIZS · 01/09/2017 18:34

He could certainly have found a boarding school, even state boarding.

StripeyDeckchair · 01/09/2017 18:37

16/17 year olds are highly unlikely to have the study skills to undertake Alevels alone from booklets. Also science A levels will have a practical element both in the studies and exams - how did he do that?

TBH you should have taken your sons educational needs into account with all your travels, you have effectively limited his life options.

He's come up with a feasible and reasonable plan to get around that limitations and achieve his goal and you are being totally negative about it.

Your attitude is very, very unreasonable & unsupportive.

Tiddlywinks63 · 01/09/2017 18:57

This has to be a wind up; if it isn't are you pressuring him to work for your DH?
I'm quite frankly really angry that anyone could be so dismissive of their son's future.

PNGirl · 01/09/2017 19:11

"Quite frankly" OP it's up to him and I would be steadfastly ignoring your opinion if goj were my mother.

PNGirl · 01/09/2017 19:11

*you were

indigox · 01/09/2017 19:18

You are the problem here. Paying for some distance learning books for a child isn't giving them proper access to education.

You've already hindered his opportunities and now you want to push him into an apprenticeship? He wants to be a teacher, so you want to take that opportunity from him as well? Thank fuck you're not my parent.

LouHotel · 01/09/2017 19:25

I really hope your son is headstrong, i have Mathematics degree (2:1) after gaining a B in A level.

I also did Physics and got a D and that was with F2F learning, you are greatly underestimating the importance of having a teacher, especially in subjects of where you need to understand the theory.

To achieve those grades with distant learning he is a very very clever boy and it would be an absolute travesty at a time when we need more science and math teachers that he is put off by his family. It sounds like you want him to go into the family trade?

OnlyTheDepthVaries · 01/09/2017 19:33

Poor, poor lad. You are holding him back. Utterly selfish and unsupportive parenting. Take a look at yourself and the overwhelming opinions of previous posters.

LouHotel · 01/09/2017 19:36

OP i think you've probably gone but please please listen when I say that being able to distant learn Math is an amazing achievement and means if has a gift for numbers. That is not easy to come by, please dont destroy his opportunities because its easy for you; that will eventually cause animosity and potentially the breakdown of your relationship.

alltouchedout · 01/09/2017 19:39

You come across as scornful and hard. You don't sound supportive. It's a bit worrying that you can't see how your son has done extremely well in difficult circumstances and will likely achieve a lot more once has has some stability and genuine support.

TheHungryDonkey · 01/09/2017 19:43

I find it difficult to believe anyone can have such an appalling attitude to their child's education.

DonutCone · 01/09/2017 19:52

I honestly believe you have totally, and utterly failed your child.

He has missed the chance to do A levels at school like most people, and you have written him off as failure for his results.

Actually, your chaotic living situation is what has failed him.

peachgreen · 01/09/2017 20:33

Glad to see the responses to this are unanimous. Absolutely shocking to disrupt your child's education like this and then belittle his achievements.

If I'd had to do distance learning I'd have failed my A-Levels. I know this because I had to teach myself one module (as I was off having an operation and missed a big project) and I failed that module, despite getting all As in the other modules. Self-teaching at A Level is so hard, and it's NOT what happens at Degree level, especially for a teaching qualification or a practical subject like a science.

Your poor DS. He's done incredibly well and is still motivated, despite an apparent complete lack of belief and support from his parents.

Gentlygrowingoldermale · 02/09/2017 09:17

Following on from my previous post, I finally got into Teacher Training College through self study of one A level (RE), that couldn't happen today, but believe me self study is tough.

At college, whenever we were given an assignment, us mature students would get our coffees, sit around and discuss what we thought was expected of us. So, so much easier. We finished our essays within a week.

Later I did degrees through the OU – self study, so hard.

Also, school exams now are back to the days of my school days – basically rote learning with the last term before our exams being nothing but, really nothing but old exam papers.

Studying alongside your mates is totally different from studying on your own.

wrenika · 02/09/2017 09:42

Your son sounds amazing, motivated, and I hope he heads forward into a bright future.

No thanks to you. You've let him down massively. To achieve what he has under the circumstances speaks volumes for his self motivation and drive. You've not 'done alright'...what you've done is to the detriment of your kid's education - the set up of his entire future. Take a good, hard look at yourself. The way you speak about him is disheartening. If there's anyone who should support you, it's your parents...they shouldn't belittle you in a public forum for the crime of having aspirations.

Good luck to your son. I hope he achieves his dreams.

WhingyNinja · 02/09/2017 10:03

Your consistent usage of Hmm isn't helping you out in here.

Your son sounds motivated and intelligent, despite the difficult circumstances in which he's had to learn. He absolutely deserves a chance.

Bluntness100 · 02/09/2017 10:11

Are you in the circus, carnival or travelling community op? I'm trying to think what kind of employment has someone moving so regularly, and why you would not comprehend the impact of him not having proper schooling, and not understand what the concept of university is, thinking it's learning from booklets, but not even take the time to understand it, just jump to a conclusion and he so horrified at the thought of him doing physics and being a teacher.

All I can think is you maybe have had a very alternate lifestyle, and possibly have very limited experience of mainstream education?

PerUnaStubbs · 02/09/2017 10:42

I think it's pretty telling that, having had this disrupted period of education and finding his own path through what must have been a very challenging two years, he still wants to be a teacher.

Racingraccoons · 02/09/2017 11:05

you sound like a crap parent

But you can turn it all around. Support him (as no doubt your lack of it has affected him).

Praise him....he's done really well.

Best of luck to your son. I hope he follows his dreams.