DS could only get 1 1/2 a levels, AIBU to think university isn't for him?

[Pickford1988]

DS wants to do pysics at university he wants to end up being a secondary school teacher.

He did his a levels via distance learning due to us moving around a lot for his dad's work.

He only managed to get 1 1/2 a levels; he says it's because he struggled with learning from the booklets.

Surely if you're going to uni, you need to be able to learn like that??

He plans on doing an access Diploma to then go on to uni.

AIBU to think this path isn't the right thing for him?

No I haven't ever been to uni and neither has DH, we have both done alright

Well no, not really, if you all have to relocate for your husbands work, to the detriment of your childs education.

Getting a C in a full physics A level is no small achievement when you do it on your own.

My cousin got a C (albeit with two other Bs) in physics - she's a bloody doctor now! (she's 55 to those wondering how she got into med school on BBC!)

Give him a chance.
He's found a career path he's interested in, and made a sensible plan to get there. There's a shortage of physics teachers, which isn't going to change short term. He could be on in-school training on £25K after his physics degree, in just 4 years time.

Can you stay in one place, or find a relative to board him weekdays so he has a chance to concentrate on the Diploma?

No I haven't ever been to uni and neither has DH, we have both done alright

Just not well enough to provide your son with s stable and good education, huh? Or maybe you don't agree with them fancy learnings?

we have both done alright.

You haven't 'done alright' at all if you haven't been able to provide a stable home and decent educational opportunities for your child.

He has done extraordinarily well given your lack of support (and no 'we paid for distance learning' isn't support or provision - it's the very shittiest of options you gave him) - A level physics and AS Maths via distance learning could well have been turned into A star to B grades in Maths, Physics and FM if he'd have had some stability and face to face tuition.

So yes, an Access course followed by university. Absolutely.

Those subjects are very hard to achieve high grades in; particularly without classroom time - I'd be inclined to say well done to him

For some perspective, I didn't enjoy my 6th form environment, and as a result I didn't get my expected A-level results.

Went straight onto university and discovered a much more inspiring and motivating culture, came out with a First.

GSCEs and A-levels aren't always indicative of a student's true capabilities.

If uni is what he wants (and it sounds like he's really given it a lot of thought), I'd say pile on the support and don't discourage him right before he embarks on what should be an incredibly exciting adventure.

I work in a university and I do think that university isn't for everybody, and people can do very well on apprenticeships. Going to university does involve taking on debt, and I can see why a parent might have concerns, particularly one who hasn't gone to uni herself.

However, the big thing here is that he is motivated to do this. I think it's a great idea to do the access course - how will he lose out by giving it a go? If he does the access course and realises over the course of that uni is not for him, he hasn't lost out on anything, and there's nothing to stop him going for an apprenticeship then.

His dad's job kept a roof over our heads (business owner and we frequently have to relocate due to new locations).

What were you doing meanwhile? You would have been better off having two (his'n'hers) steady jobs and giving your DC a stable home life and a proper education. Have you got any more DC?

But we have provided him with an education?

I was dealing with the accounts side of things from home.

We have a daughter who is boarding for 2 years at a school due to the past 2 years being the worst (hence he did from home))

Personally, I think your son should take the path he wants to as this is clearly his passion. I believe currently physics teachers start on a salary of £30,000 and the UK is screaming out for them.

You've said yourself you've moved a lot over the course of his A-levels causing him to need to do these via distance learning. How would he hold down an apprenticeship under the same circumstances? Distance learning is a heck of a lot more forgiving than an employer when it comes to actually needing to be physically present somewhere.

I'm an OU student and distance learning can be incredibly difficult even when it comes to motivation, it's tough to understand concepts sometimes and being able to talk it through really helps, which isn't something that's always immediately available. That being said, I've had nothing but fantastic support from my tutors and my peers because we all know how it can be.

Bs at A level isn't too shoddy on his own via distance learning. But it isn't fantastic either. Physics is a very hard course and going with a non-higher education background will further disadvantage him. Uni learning isn't all reading from booklets, but it isn't like school either and you do need a more active approach to tackling stumbling blocks and charting your course. He hasn't been entirely able to do that on his own at the A level stage so he may need a bit more awareness about it going to uni. You don't seem to have the skills to support him well (as many parents of first generation uni students don't - it's not some kind of moral failing, but it is something that has a measurable impact on students) and you're pushing him to a route you recognize and understand. But he has a vision of what he wants to do and I think it would be good to support him in that. If it doesn't work out he can take another route later.

Is he young enough to sign up to a sixth form college and get regular teaching? He's going to need more A levels anyway for regular entry. Look for a place with good results in maths and physics and a history of students going on to study those subjects at good unis. And talk to the support staff there about how they help first generation students prepare for uni.

His grades aren't an indication he can't make it, but they do indicate he needs more support. Not because he isn't clever enough, but because there is a lot more to getting qualifications than IQ.

Wow - Mumsnet really is a tough crowd!!

It's difficult for anyone to offer advice without really knowing your son and how is education has worked so far. It doesn't sound as if his current grades necessarily represent his ability.

As a general rule, I don't think it's wise to force a young person down any particular career path. If he's looking for your continued financial support then I would expect him to put a plan in place, e.g. find an access course he can get onto with his current qualifications or how he's going to get through a distance learning university course. He might want to explore the OU and/or London International.

He's not come to you with a mad idea ("I'm going to be a rockstar") and so I would be as supportive as you can. He will probably achieve what he wants if he's sufficiently interested and committed.

The learning environment is completely different at uni.

I hated school, cba doing any work, and failed my gcse's and a levels miserably.

My first lecture at uni (i scraped in a good one, by fluke, through clearing) was a massive lightbulb moment and i flew through assignments and exams, and really enjoyed it.

If your son can get 1.5 a levels through home study and very little home support, i's say chances are he will thrive at uni. He has the self discipline to do his work, peer support and lecturers on tap.

Fwiw the three kids that failed first year and dropped out of my course were one's who arrived with straight a's. With mummy and daddy no longer organising their time, "helping" with coursework and making sure they did everything, they were just lost.

Why could your son not have boarded too?

He wants to be a teacher. To be a teacher, you generally need a degree. To get a degree, you need to go to university. To go to university he needs to do an access course. Seems pretty straightforward!

Anyone who got a C in physics and maths through distance learning on his own would have done considerably better in a school with teachers to help him through the most difficult concepts. To me, there is no doubt your life choices have disadvantaged your son educationally.

FWIW my son has just got a C in maths and physics and is off to university to do a STEM subject.

I think you need to give your son a break and start being more supportive.

University is nothing like learning from booklets - lectures and seminars are much more in-depth and allow you to discuss topics with other students and lecturers.

He seems to have a clear and positive plan, I think that should be encouraged.

He couldn't board because quite frankly with Bs at GCSE he wasn't going to get into a private sixth form and the cost of that would have been so much more than dd's

The dismissive tone of your OP made me feel very sad for your son. How awful to have tried so hard and then have your achievements shat upon as 'only' 1.5 A Levels and basically have your parents assume you'll not cope with university.

I have 10 GCSEs and 5 A levels - 7 A*, 2 As and a B at GCSE, and 4 As and a B at A level. Guess what? I went to uni and dropped out after 5 weeks, so as far as I'm concerned the number of A levels he has and the marks for them is immaterial to his possible performance at uni, particularly if he was studying under duress using distance learning. He seems like a very determined young man - why not encourage him to follow the path that HE chooses to?

You found the money for flipping boarding school for one child, but not cheap weekly lodgings for your 16yo to just go to college? Wow.

How often can you actually move in 2 years? (do you have a caravan to follow the work?)

Because A levels is Sep-May. 20 months. And you must have been in one place for some of that. So maybe 16 months of travelling when he could have week day lodged.

Sounds like you grossly misunderstood what he needed.

And the reason your younger daughter got boarding school was because her age meant she couldn't be dragged out of school. They both should have been boarding.

Is there a particular reason why your DD has been allowed to go to boarding school whereas your DS has had to study from home? That sounds really tough - especially for Sciences, with the practical element, and Maths, where teacher explanation and demonstration of examples is vital - and not particularly fair.

I have a DS going on to A-levels this year, and a DD starting GCSEs - so DH and I will have to live apart, as DH's job happens to be taking him elsewhere. I can understand if your own educational level is low that you might not be prioritising your DS's post-16 education, but honestly, the way you have gone about it is uncommon, and if he still wants to go on to university - particularly if the access course is residential so he gets the whole thing in a stable and supported environment, conducive to study - he should be encouraged to.

Alternatively, look for a boarding school where he could perhaps do the rest of the Maths A-level and also do Chemistry, even retake the Physics, over the next two years, so the university he can go to is indicative of his actual ability under 'normal' study conditions rather than when battling against the obstacles you have put in his way.

Look I think you have to face that fact that the choices you have made have been really really really poor for your son. You owe him massively. You clearly don't really understand further or higher education and what is involved if you thought distance learning A levels were ever going to be remotely comparable to school or college. Your kid is amazing - ffs support him now.

And bullshit that he couldn't have gone to a private boarding school with Bs. Not the top ones, no. Plenty of others.

There are 2 in my town and everyone knows that School B is where half of School A's kids go after GCSEs!

Or as I said before: he could have lodged for less than the cost of boarding - and gone to / stayed in his free state school.

He sounds like a nice kid, and a sensible one. Both excellent qualities in a teacher - tbh, there's an argument that someone who finds physics a bit of a plod will teach it far better than the type that wafts through it effortlessly. Not that they can't make great teachers too - but it may come less naturally to them.

Wow, nothing like selling him short

Hmmm first post I see....