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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people shouldn't comment on baby's weight...

148 replies

Sjc145 · 01/09/2017 11:54

A friend of mine has recently had a baby. It was her first baby after suffering two miscarriages and she delivered baby naturally at home with a water birth at 40+6. I'm so pleased for her as she had the exact birth she wanted and such a long awaited for baby after losing her previous two.
Baby was born at 9lb 3oz.

However, on her birth announcement post today on facebook, comments have read like this...
"Congratulations! Wow, no wonder you had such a huge bump, that's a big baby!"
"OMG a 9 pounder!!! :O"
"My DD was born at 5lbs, its crazy to think your bundle is almost twice her size."
"Cor, 9 pounds. Well done you!!"

AIBU to think people shouldn't focus so much on baby's size and the fact that she/he is here happy and healthy? These are only a handful of the comments and my friend has mentioned that although she's grateful with the congratulations and everyone's well wishes, she can't help but feel upset that people are somehow instead focusing negatively on the fact she has had a big baby rather than that she has bought a human being into the world?! Is having a 9lb baby really that much of a big deal?

OP posts:

GriswaldFamilyVacation · 01/09/2017 17:39

I couldn't do anything in the last trimester. I had SPD (unsurprisingly) and it was torture. I was estimated to be carrying a 7lb as there was lots of water. confused

they need to work on the science of estimating baby weights. I was told they could be off two pound either way?! And when I said ds was going to be a monster they told me I was measuring perfectly normal. I felt most vindicated when I finally pushed him out and the Mw looked at the other and said "let's just get this one on the scales"

Spudlet · 01/09/2017 17:58

[Fetches pasty a very comfy chair, ring cushion and ice pack]

PastysPrincess · 01/09/2017 18:03

It's ok @spudlet I've been "tiedied up" and I'm "almost as good as new" (direct quotes from male GP and Surgeon)

GriswaldFamilyVacation · 01/09/2017 18:04

PastysPrincess · 01/09/2017 18:05

@Griswald there were 3 people trying to convert from Kg to lbs when DS was born cos he was so big they thought their conversion charts were wrong.

I agree the way they estimate babys weight leaves a lot to be desired. I will accept that there may not be a better way but I should have been told about how wide the margin of error could be.

steff13 · 01/09/2017 18:12

My 4'11" nan gave birth (vb, no assistance) to my 11 lb 4oz uncle in 1938.

This was my grandmother's exact situation when she had my dad. Except he was born in 1943.

#2 was 9.5 lbs. I had him with no pain relief.

Spudlet · 01/09/2017 18:26

[facepalms at clueless doctors] How very helpful of them pasty

SomeOtherFuckers · 01/09/2017 18:38

Having a big baby is usually seen as a good thing which is why they're commenting .... big baby =strong =survives

It's not like they're calling her kid fat.

Plus what else should they focus on? When it comes to a baby they're a boy or a girl ( nothing special about that), hey are human, and they are yours. The only real variables would be weight, length, hair colour

bunnybleu · 01/09/2017 18:42

Patsy I had that too. They put him on the scales about three times, then decided the .08 was half a pound....though to be fair my midwife was a student and hadn't delivered such a heavy baby before.

Oh dear, all the bonny baby talk is almost making me broody!

PastysPrincess · 01/09/2017 18:49

@bunnybleu It doesn't make me broody at all. No way in hell im going through that again. My family were confident the passage of time would make me want another but 3 years later...big fat NOPE!

Besides which, I wouldn't want to ruin all the hard work the Surgeon went to making me good as new!

Montsti · 01/09/2017 18:51

You can't say anything these days for fear of offending someone..

Yabvu - don't tell anyone the weight if anyone who comments on it are going to offend you...

toopeoply · 01/09/2017 18:54

I had scrawny babies and I love the big cuddly ones! Any comment from me would be one of admiration and delight.

Dutch1e · 01/09/2017 19:00

"Congrats on the non-gender-specific, non-species-specific arrival of indeterminate size. Actually, not congrats as that's potentially offensive to anyone who hasn't procreated" Better?

Theseaweed · 01/09/2017 22:08

Dutch1e 😂😂
you should work for Moonpig coming out with such a catchy little verse

MsVestibule · 01/09/2017 22:44

I had a teeny tiny 6lb DD first time round. I was very proud of her beautiful daintiness. I don't think it was strictly necessary for my SIL to refer to her as a 'skinned rabbit'.

Twenty months later, DS was born, 8lbs 13oz, so almost 50% heavier. Lots of 'wow, that's a big baby!' comments, but it really didn't occur to me to be offended!!!

mygorgeousmilo · 01/09/2017 22:48

Was volunteering somewhere years ago and got chatting to a lovely elderly lady. She told me that she had her first baby at age 15, in winter in rural Ireland on the kitchen floor. He was 12lbs. I just kept going "ohhh myyy goodness" repeatedly. Oh. My. Goodness. Calm down OP.

gentlydoesit89 · 01/09/2017 23:35

People visibly winced when I told them DS weight at birth. I didn't volunteer the information but there's only so many times you can have your 3 day old mistaken for a 2 month old

Misslu · 02/09/2017 00:06

Is your friend in the public eye? Thinking blog/socialmedia 'star'. As I read an instagram post announcing a birth earlier, with the EXACT same details.

If some, well if you are announcing your child's birth to over 200,000 followers, well I'm sorry but you need to grow a tough skin as the comments could be ALOT worse!

corythatwas · 02/09/2017 00:21

"My DD was born at 5lbs, its crazy to think your bundle is almost twice her size."

Surely that is congratulations/envy rather than negative?

Both mine were around 5lbs due to intra-uterine growth retardation (and one then went on to develop failure-to-thrive): that's hardly something I felt pleased about. If I'd made that remark it would have meant "I'm happy for you, because you don't have this to worry about".

rachlooneytune · 02/09/2017 00:30

Wise the fuck up. You are clearly one of those humans just looking for a reason to be offended

MummyMuppet2x2 · 02/09/2017 01:17

I think everyone is just excited and pleased about your friend's new baby. To me, the comments sound warm and happy
The size comments are meant as a 'Wow, well done".

Dontknowwherethelineis · 02/09/2017 08:29

I had a ten pound-plus baby and I doubt there was a single person who didn't comment on his size - but really, it's difficult not to when you have a baby that size! And their comments just reflected what I was thinking anyway and i didn't for a second consider that it was negative.... I wonder why your friend is automatically assuming negative intentions?
I suspect your friend had a dd and there is some sort of subconscious 'girls should be little and delicate' thing going on and that's what's upsetting her, but babies are babies and no one commenting on the size would have even considered that.

kaytee87 · 02/09/2017 08:35

It's pretty much the only thing people can comment on with a new born baby though isn't it? Unless they have loads of hair or something.

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