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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend wants to bring 4 year old to lunch

122 replies

PutTheKettleOn9989 · 01/09/2017 08:36

I'm having a celebratory lunch thing because I've finished something the size of a Masters degree (don't want to be too specific here, as I don't want to be recognised). I have arranged a lunch (at somewhere a bit posh, not a soft play centre or the zoo) with my closest friends. One of my very closest friends is (I think) emotionally blackmailing me. For some reason she wants to bring her 4-year-old along. This morning I got a text from my friend: "When I mentioned the lunch to DD, she said she really wanted to come." This is after I said to her that I didn't want to amend the booking for the 4th time to add her DD to it. Her DD is a fidget and I can't imagine she'll want to sit with a load of adult women for 2-3 hours. In the interests of full disclosure, I accidentally invited a friend who has a new baby (I posted the invite in the wrong WhatsApp group!) and she is coming, but the baby is small and sleeps mostly, so I'm not too worried about her being disruptive. I think the 4-year-old will be though.

I have replied to my friend to say 'Do you not think she'll be bored?' She's a right little madam when she's bored, very demanding. I worry she'll make talking difficult. I don't ever really celebrate anything, and whenever I do arrange stuff I always assume that children will come too but on this particular occasion I just fancied a gathering without the worry of my friend's strong-willed DD.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Squirmy65ghyg · 01/09/2017 08:38

YANBU.

ragz134 · 01/09/2017 08:39

Just tell her it isn't suitable for children. Not everything has to be child friendly.

SmitheringSmithison · 01/09/2017 08:40

Yanbu.

Charlieiscool · 01/09/2017 08:40

YANBU you will all have to focus on a tedious four year old instead of enjoying yourselves

RoboticSealpup · 01/09/2017 08:40

YANBU, but you're in a tricky spot because you can't exactly admit that you invited the other friend (with the baby) by accident...

glow1984 · 01/09/2017 08:41

I agree with ragz. I was trying to think a way of saying the same thing :)

icelollycraving · 01/09/2017 08:41

Just repeat that you are looking forward to celebrating with your friends and it isn't suitable for her dd, as you've told her several times. If she chooses not to come then that is totally fine, you'll be disappointed but it's really ok.

Whosthemummynow · 01/09/2017 08:42

Just message and say her dd will have miss this one but you'll see her for a special lunch soon

PringlesPirate · 01/09/2017 08:42

YANBU
I'm somewhat the same at the moment, so I really feel for you. Following with interest

Spadequeen · 01/09/2017 08:43

A babe in arms is different to a 4 year old. You really cannot compare. Just tell her that it isn't a suitable venue for a child.

McTufty · 01/09/2017 08:44

A four year old is going to be a nightmare at a posh adult lunch. I'm sure she's a lovely girl but her mother sounds like and awfully selfish "world revolves round my kid" sort.

Just rell her it's an adult event except for the newborn.

Bobbiepin · 01/09/2017 08:44

Explain that the baby is coming only because they are too young to be left at home (play up to breastfeeding). You adore friends DD and would love to do a tea oarty with her [insert date] but this is an adults thing. Guilt trip a little, it would mean so much if you were there, I appreciate your support so much, I really hope I haven't offended you etc etc

Original poster
PutTheKettleOn9989 · 01/09/2017 08:44

@RoboticSealpup That's exactly it. I can't say it's a 'no kids thing' because another friend's baby is coming along, which makes me think that perhaps I have to cave on this occasion and that a valuable lesson has been learnt... :(

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 01/09/2017 08:44

It's nothing to do with the girl's personality. Having a child present completely changes the whole thing. All your conversations will need to be appropriate for little ears.

Fuck that.

McTufty · 01/09/2017 08:44

*tell not rell

LoniceraJaponica · 01/09/2017 08:44

Is your friend struggling to get childcare for that day?

Either way, you are right to suggest that it is an adults only lunch. (newborns don't count here)

Spadequeen · 01/09/2017 08:45

The trouble with saying do you not think she'll be bored is you've given her the green light. You could not get back in touch and say, just spoken to the restaurant, no children im afraid or no room for another one. But do warn the restaurant first!

PlaymobilPirate · 01/09/2017 08:45

Just say 'good job they're quick to forget - she'd be bored off her face... a 3 hour dinner isn't 4 year old friendly'

Better than saying 'no kids if there's already a baby going

Original poster
PutTheKettleOn9989 · 01/09/2017 08:45

@Bobbiepin that's an excellent point. The baby IS being breastfed so that particular adult couldn't come without her.

OP posts:
museumum · 01/09/2017 08:46

Is it a childcare issue? I'd assume her partner is either away or busy or just one of those men who control their wives social lives by never being available for childcare.

MsVestibule · 01/09/2017 08:46

'Sorry, adults only!' would have been a better response, no ambiguity. The response you have sent puts the onus back on to her to make the decision when it should be yours. Has she replied yet?

Liskee · 01/09/2017 08:47

I'd go with the approach suggested by @Bobbiepin
And you are defo not being U

icelollycraving · 01/09/2017 08:47

No, come on, don't cave!!

QuiteLikely5 · 01/09/2017 08:47

Thing is it's not you who will be dealing with the child - it does t impact upon you in any way?! And trust me babies can be just as much hard work!

happystory · 01/09/2017 08:48

YANBU hope your friend sees sense