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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend wants to bring 4 year old to lunch

122 replies

PutTheKettleOn9989 · 01/09/2017 08:36

I'm having a celebratory lunch thing because I've finished something the size of a Masters degree (don't want to be too specific here, as I don't want to be recognised). I have arranged a lunch (at somewhere a bit posh, not a soft play centre or the zoo) with my closest friends. One of my very closest friends is (I think) emotionally blackmailing me. For some reason she wants to bring her 4-year-old along. This morning I got a text from my friend: "When I mentioned the lunch to DD, she said she really wanted to come." This is after I said to her that I didn't want to amend the booking for the 4th time to add her DD to it. Her DD is a fidget and I can't imagine she'll want to sit with a load of adult women for 2-3 hours. In the interests of full disclosure, I accidentally invited a friend who has a new baby (I posted the invite in the wrong WhatsApp group!) and she is coming, but the baby is small and sleeps mostly, so I'm not too worried about her being disruptive. I think the 4-year-old will be though.

I have replied to my friend to say 'Do you not think she'll be bored?' She's a right little madam when she's bored, very demanding. I worry she'll make talking difficult. I don't ever really celebrate anything, and whenever I do arrange stuff I always assume that children will come too but on this particular occasion I just fancied a gathering without the worry of my friend's strong-willed DD.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

PutTheKettleOn9989 · 01/09/2017 10:50

@BackforGood I don't disagree, although I felt awkward saying it was for adults only as a baby was tagging along. Totally agree I shouldn't be making it up to her. I'm crap at (gently) creating boundaries and unfortunately I have friends with entitled children and clingy partners so I'm often having to 'pick my battles' as it were when I'm wanting to arrange something and they either drag DH / DD along and/or rock up an hour late.

@WorkingBling Yes, as a daytime event I can totally see she might have thought that, esp since I do usually always accommodate her kid!

OP posts:

KeepServingTheDrinks · 01/09/2017 10:54

so sorry, I hadn't noticed this was 4 pages! Well done with how you've handled it and enjoy your lunch.

p.s.
She acknowledged in her reply to me that her DD is happier 'when she's part of the action'

This could be me!

Mittens1969 · 01/09/2017 11:00

Yes I missed 2 of the pages, well done for handling it so diplomatically. Hope you have a lovely time.

Btw, the mums in the group would be grateful too (obviously they won't know); when I'm enjoying child free time I don't really want it to be hijacked by someone else's 4 year old, it does change the dynamics completely.

Original poster

PutTheKettleOn9989 · 01/09/2017 11:06

Thank you @mittens1969!

OP posts:

AlexaAmbidextra · 01/09/2017 14:49

I would be really pissed off to be invited to an adults only event in a nice venue only to have someone bring their child. It would ruin the whole thing for me to the extent that I would think about not attending.

MadMags · 01/09/2017 15:15

Keep do you mean you're the friend?!

KeepServingTheDrinks · 01/09/2017 16:02

No, I mean that I'm like the attention-seeking 4 yr old!

Can't you tell from my posts?

MadMags · 01/09/2017 16:33

Nofunkingworriesmate · 03/09/2017 20:34

Offer to pay for an agency babysitter ( cost about £40-50)
She won't take you up on the offer ( hopefully) but It's a kind way of let her know the situation maybe ??

KinkyAfro · 03/09/2017 21:16

Fuck that nonfunking why should op pay for her babysitter???

BackforGood · 03/09/2017 21:39

What ????
Why on earth would the OP offer to pay for a babysitter ???

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/09/2017 08:58

the only thing more annoying than my own children, is other people's children

THIS - in spades!

Not only will your friend's child be bored out of her skull, she will limit the topics of conversation you and your other friends will have (i.e. no sex or violence or bad language - I'm sure you won't be effing and blinding anyway, but the odd word might slip out!). I also think it's very good for all children tolerant that there are places they can't go, and occasions they can't join in. No wonder she's a little madam!

A friend of mine often arrives at the coffee shop with her grand-daughter in tow and it is a total PITA - she just assumes the kid is welcome (and she is a nice child), but the whole morning is taken up with what she does and doesn't want, and keeping her entertained and we can't even talk about anybody because little pitchers have big ears it's not the joyous bitchfest it should be. FFS we go out to get away from them for five minutes

Stand your ground. Your friend knows fine well that an active 4 yo is more intrusive than a babe-in-arms. She should have nipped this in the bud with her daughter herself and Just Said "NO!".

And very, very Well Done on your achievement!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/09/2017 08:59

to learn - not tolerant

Me and the autocorrect are going to Have Serious Words if this keeps up.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/09/2017 09:01

Oh - sorry! It's sorted.

I was so enraged on your beard.

Enjoy your (child-free) meal. (Infants don't count )

grannytomine · 04/09/2017 09:24

Glad it's sorted.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 04/09/2017 09:27

You are just going to have to suck this one up it's either no kids or kids the friend is being vu for not telling her dd no! But she obviously thinks it's a free for all as baby is going tough tits.

BMW6 · 04/09/2017 09:56

Lola
You've missed the OP's update.
And you are so very wrong - no-one has to "suck it up".

TheySayIamparanoid · 04/09/2017 12:04

Sorry SchadenfreudePersonified but

'I was so enraged on your beard.'

Has conjured up all sorts in my head!

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 04/09/2017 12:12

Glad you sorted it OP. Congrats on your degree! An old friend who I love dearly has a four year old who I also love BUT she brings him bloody everywhere. She doesn't need to at all but she does. We can't even go for a coffee without her bringing him, or a shopping trip. It drives me mad. No child wants to sit with two women for ages and go shopping, be dragged round clothes shops and wait in changing rooms. My DC are all grown up but I didn't drag them everywhere. I avoid her now which is sad but children don't need to be everywhere ,all the time.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/09/2017 15:03

Paranoid

My word - that's fab isn't it? The autocorrect and I have our moments - often I catch them, more often I don't.

It should, of course, have been

"So engulfed in your beard"

HiJenny35 · 06/09/2017 00:25

Fuckyoulinda luckily none of my friends are crude and swear in restaurants or cafes as there are other people around who don't want to hear that so that wouldn't be an issue. Those that are dating just tell us about the person not their 'hook ups' and I actually adore all my friends kids and I'd be over the moon to see them. But then I like kids and their other halves and them so if it was easier for them to bring them it wouldn't be an issue for me but like I said originally it's ops event so she should say whatever boundaries she wants just not be offended if the friend can't arrange child care.
As for the other point, no as a group we all interact with each other kids so she wouldn't be bored. She has a Pad not an iPad, as in she likes to draw pictures of people.

IfYouHappenToSee · 06/09/2017 07:10

HiJenny that's very nice for you but in this scenario, the friend's 4 year old would have been the only one there. So not comparable.

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