AIBU - Nursery

[sk505]

My daughter is 16months and goes to nursery twice a week.
In our religion, girls' nappies are not changed by boys and girls must be dressed with dignity. nursery are aware of this.
Today, I went to fetch her and she was running around in just a nappy. No clothes at all. This was extremely upsetting as I know male members of staff walk through and around the nursery. I'm not making any personal comments or any judgements, but it is against our religion. It transpires that her clothes were all clean. Her spare clothes were available and she has been well behaved. No one knows why she was without clothes for over an hour.
AIBU to cause a storm over this,?

Op if you are likely to out yourself is it because it's a small cult rather than religion?

Mammyloveswine your nursery sounds lovely.

OP I'd talk to them, they agreed to your requirements and did not meet them. I would not go in all guns blazing but I would tell them.

HappylandToysEverywhere, the OP has made it clear there was air conditioning. So the child was not likely to be overheating.

I don't think expecting a baby to be dressed in more than a nappy is a bad idea, especially in air conditioning.

If I can request a female doctor, as I am female, why could I not require intimate care for my child, or my elderly relative be done by someone of the same sex also? My mum was in a care home and really did not like male staff doing any kind of intimate care. So we told them that, and they agreed, as far as we know.

Personally, I will see any doctor, male, female, I am not fussed. But if I wanted to see a female doctor I believe I have the right. Is it very different to want a female child to have intimate care from another female?

This male nurse sounds lovely and explains how he felt when asked by the patient if she could be attended by another female.

I know this case is not about a nurse or a hospital or an adult but if you can be bothered to read it, you may see how putting ourselves in others' places is quite vital.

scrubsmag.com/i-dont-want-a-male-nurse-taking-care-of-me/view-all/

I certainly do not agree with modesty' or babies personally but I know if my baby was wandering around an air con nursery in just a nappy, I would be pissed off.

If a child's health and welfare are suffering because of the beliefs of the parent, be they vegan, ultra-religious, or just plain nasty, then we should all have something to say about it. Nursery staff are breaking the law if they don't raise safeguarding concerns.

I'm not suggesting that has necessarily happened here, but what if the air con broke? Child ran a temperature? What happens then?

Don't leave us hanging
Some religions aren't supposed to use the internet either.

I certainly do not agree with modesty for babies.

If you don't trust the staff around your toddler in just a nappy how are you happy to leave her there?

.

I see! thank you blacksax

But even if some religions "are not supposed to use the internet", how would "the powers that be" track the OP down anyway? It's an anonymous forum. That's the whole point!

Unless the "religion" has about 10 members or something?

A nursery with 1:1 ratio?
Also, can I ask what religion you are? I'm a nursery nurse and have never come across these ridiculous religious rules, so would be interesting to know so that I can be aware.
Also if you don't want your child around a man or having their nappy changed by a man, don't send them to a nursery with male staff. There aren't an awful lot of male staff members in nurseries (unfortunately. Children and society would massively benefit from seeing more men in caring roles) so not difficult to find somewhere with only female staff. My nursery is set across two settings and employs around staff members across those settings. Not one is male.

There's a difference between respecting people's right to believe any old bullshit and having any respect for the actual bullshit.No religion merits respect, because they are all misogynistic nonsense (the whole root of them is coming up with imaginary-friend explanations for why reproduction should be controlled by men, not women).

As to 'vegan' kids being given milk or meat, I think if there is an actual food allergy, nursery staff would be extra vigilant, but if it's just superstition or attention-seeking then any nursery worker with any sense would just not bother about if a toddler (eg) pinched another kid's sausage roll and scoffed it, and certainly not tell the parents.

Childcare workers have a duty of care to DC ie to ensure they are happy and safe. Hopefully they just smile and nod at head-up-arse parents, do as they see fit with DC and just make sure all is in order at collection time.

AtHomeDadGlos I think that comment is thoroughly unpleasant, even if you disagree with the OP's stance.

At least part of this request is not legal in the UK so it seems perfectly reasonable to tell the op it's not ok. I can't imagine knowing someone who thinks babies should be covered up.

I've worked in both supported living and community care environments and we often had requests for female only care for female clients. Personal care is just that - personal. None of our male support workers ever took offence at these requests, they understood that if you're 80 odd, or have LD, you don't necessarily want a strange fella handling your fanjo.

I see no difference in the OP's request for female only nappy changes tbh.

Why is the religion an issue here ?

For the record, I regard all religions as equally ridiculous, but I see an agenda here by people wanting to have a go at Islam.

My personal view is that there is a free market in nurseries out there - some which may match the religion of the OP, some which may not, some of which may accede to her demands, some not (and the two may not necessarily match) - and for her to take a view as to whether she wants to continue there. I am not sure asking MN will get her the answer needed

Have I misread this thread or has the option said on page 1 that she is Hindu? Her religion isn't really relevant though - it's her belief whether others agree or not.
Op if the nursery said they could comply with your wishes and didn't then you have a right to be annoyed. Perhaps just a word though.
Also not sure about with children but my elderly mum requested no male carers for her personal care (mainly toileting). Because rightly or wrongly she found it mortifying having a male carer wipe her backside and change her underwear. This was complied with by both the NHS home care service and a private agency without question. I also know that you can advertise for a specific gender when adult personal care is involved without breaking any discrimination laws. Not sure if this applies in a childcare setting though.

Do they make burkas for nursery aged children?

You're being unreasonable to foist this nonsense on a nursery and a child.

just reminding you that it's 2017

Yes, it is. Maybe you'd like to come and join us here in the modern world?

If there is any such religion that promotes such disgusting shit, then the people in it are sick and twisted individuals if they think a BABY needs to show modesty.

I'm so nosey I would love to know what religion your are OP.

I think YANBU to expect the nursery to do what you request, but your requests are unreasonable in this day and age. Small children and often adults love to walk around semi naked. She had a nappy on, so in my eye her modesty was covered. At my DS's nursery they used to do messy stuff with just their nappies on. Play with shaving foam, do foot print art etc. They loved these activities. You are restricting her fun IMO.

but on a mummy forum where another mother

This is not a "mummy forum"

No, it's not a mummy forum, it's apparently a place where assumptions jump to Islam (when OP has clearly stated that it isn't her religion) and negative comments just on the right side of a ban (with one exception that I hope will be disappearing soon) are happening. Under the guise of anti-misogyny when it just isn't. It's bigotry.

I never once mentioned Islam.

If you think it's bigotry to call out misogyny when someone is demanding modesty for a BABY then you need your head examined.

It doesn't surprise me though, as women are always taught to put everyone else's feelings before their own.

Not I didn't say you did? But to deny there is an undertone of Islamophobia on here is ridiculous. I don't think that being rude/derogatory about someone else's faith is "calling out misogyny". There are many, many ways to do that without being rude, or demeaning, or indeed mocking. Misogyny is shit, it's wrong and it's bullshit. But denying women choices because you disagree with them isn't fighting misogyny, it's perpetuating it. You can't just decide what is and isn't acceptable and then use that banner to attack women for making their choices.

AtHomeDadGlos: " Seeing as you're in England your religion can get to fuck. "

Wow. That sounds like some fucked-up EDL slogan for sure!?!