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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish schools would enforce uniform rules

129 replies

SunshineAndSmile · 29/08/2017 08:58

So DD wants to wear black trainers for school but the school says no branded trainer type shoes. Last year 'everyone' wore trainers and nothing happened. The school also say minimal makeup, minimal jewellery, no coloured nail varnish, no fake nails, no shortened skirts but why then do half the girls look like they are going clubbing. Why am I constantly arguing with DD about this when the school just makes rules but doesn't follow them through? I feel like am fighting a loosing battle.

WIBU to ask the school to actually enforce their uniform rules this year?

OP posts:
Keepthebloodynoisedown · 29/08/2017 11:55

Tbf, I always used to leave the house with the right uniform, but never seemed to get to school in it. Same with teachers, any girls made to take makeup/ nail varnish off would redo it before the next lesson.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 29/08/2017 11:56

My daughter's school uniform is reasonable; standard tailored black trousers or skirt. School polo and sweater, both about £8 each. Shoes have to be shoes, no trainers or boots at all.

The number of children who attempt skinny black jeans and converse every September seems to be stable, and they get dealt with quite quickly.

I buy uniform. Like a lot of others in here, if she chooses to interpret it like a plank she takes the detention and I support the school.

Original poster
SunshineAndSmile · 29/08/2017 14:49

I usually do not pay attention to my DD saying 'everyone is doing it' but on this occasion she is not far off. I have seen myself how many have full makeup, skirts rolled up and branded trainers at school. In DDs eyes I am the one being U because I am trying to keep some sort of standard. It is natural for a teenager to want to fit in so of course she doesn't want to be the nerdy compliant one.

OP posts:
carefreeeee · 29/08/2017 16:19

What is the point of uniform anyway? In work places, most people do not have to wear it. The better paid and more professional the job, the less likely you are to have to wear a uniform. What message does it send children to tell them they must dress alike? Preparation for a menial type job?

I'd prefer to just say 'no excessive make up/jewellery/exposed flesh' and let them wear whatever clothes they like.

Pengggwn · 29/08/2017 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youarenotkiddingme · 29/08/2017 19:16

I agree with uniform and enforcing it.

But my issue nowadays is the lack of flexibility in it and that imo is what leads to the rebellion.

1 style skirt for girls whatever their shape, height etc.
Basic school shirts for girls and often aren't allowed shaped ones. Again - not really considering shape and developmental stage.
Ties for girls - why? It's not standard work attire for woman.

I have a ds. I often think it's far easier on him for uniform.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 29/08/2017 19:30

I dont understand how make up or nail varnish is not allowed though. Ok not going out to a nightclub style make up but not allowing self conscious teens to wear foundation/concealer if theyre one of the affected by acne ones is just cruel. And who is nail varnish harming? I actually remember one time i painted every nail a different bright colour and then used a contrasting one to put dice style number dots on. One popular girl sneered at me why i would i ever paint my nails like that, but everyone needs a little self expression sometimes. As for hair cuts and colours, i dont think thats a big deal either.
Things like no coloured bras is ridiculous though, is anyone policing boxer colour for boys?
And sorry but no way woukd i have EVER tucked my shirt in my trousers, i cannot stand the feeling, and i have ocd so touching my knickers would make my shirt germy.

Pengggwn · 29/08/2017 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaisyPops · 29/08/2017 21:00

Pengggwn Agreed. This is what I've said on a few posts. Schools end up having to go zero tolerance because there are people out there who think acrylic nails are ok for school because it was a treat at the weekend and it's not stopping her learning. Why should I pay to have them removed after only 48 hours when they last a fortnight?! So much time taken because adults don't act like adults.

Ok not going out to a nightclub style make up but not allowing self conscious teens to wear foundation/concealer if theyre one of the affected by acne ones is just cruel.
Allowing make up and then policing what is/isn't acceptable a minefield.
You can just see it 'my girls has foundation on and her friends all wear foundation so why are you picking on her?' Well... actually it's because the other girls have a light coating that matches their skin tone and your daughter looks like an umpa loompa.

The line I always give to students is 'if I can't tell you are wearing it then I'm not going to ask you to remove it'. Smile Honestly, no teacher I have ever worked with has made girls sit and remove evey shred of barely detectable concealer, spot of natural-ish mascara etc.

MaisyPops · 29/08/2017 21:03

Things like no coloured bras is ridiculous though, is anyone policing boxer colour for boys?
Because this is all about shaming girls who don't realise that wearing a neon bra under a shirt draws attention to their boobs... Hmm

I don't want to see underwear at work. Full stop. I don't expect to see it from my colleagues. I don't expect to see boys showing off their boxer bands. I don't want to see 'look at me bras'. It is UNDERwear not 'please look at me' wear.

itsbetterthanabox · 29/08/2017 21:03

Why don't you just let her wear it?
If she's wearing the top and trousers they say then that's wearing the uniform. Leave the rest it's just nitpicking.

sparkli · 29/08/2017 22:48

The smartest uniform I've ever seen was when on a day out in the Scottish borders. Secondary school kids, all in black jeans and black hoodies with school badges and white polo shirts underneath. Black trainers. They all looked the same and they all looked comfortable. Perfect.

Megabeth · 29/08/2017 23:04

YANBU
My son's school uniform is sweatshirt and polo shirt with school logo. Black trousers and shoes. I see dozens of girls getting away with tight black trousers but once DS's friend wore black trainers for a couple of days and they sent a letter home.
DD is starting year 7 and she's quite headstrong, I'm going to struggle to find trousers that will be slim fitting without flouting the uniform policy.

She's a petite child so everything looks baggy on her. Girls are allowed skirts too but she wants trousers.

When my eldest was in 6th form they had to wear business wear but no cardigans were allowed! We did stick to the rules but I did complain to school about the pupils in yr 7-11 who were in skinny trousers.

BathshebaOak1 · 29/08/2017 23:41

1 style skirt for girls whatever their shape, height etc
Dds school has this. The skirt comes in a wide range of waist sizes and four different lengths, so it isn't a problem. It's a mass produced school uniform brand in a plain navy style, so isn't overpriced.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 30/08/2017 00:20

In our school newsletter , which please note os a primary school, every week there is a reminder 'please note anyone coming to school in make up, will be provided with a wet wipe and made to remove make up'.

I cannot believe that kids this young turn up to school in make up!

I am on holiday in Scotland at the moment and was agog at the girls in school uniform. The skirts were barely covering their arses.

Maybe they rolled them up after school or whatever but I was stunned.

I'm not a prude by any means, but jeez. They were beautiful young girls, but it just made me feel sad tbh.

I am gonna blame society.

Original poster
SunshineAndSmile · 30/08/2017 07:57

I really believe in school uniform and the importance of it being a level playing field. If the rules are enforced probably it means that all parties know where they stand and I genuinely believe it makes life easier for kids by taking the pressure to conform away. Its bad enough that kids are looking to wear £100 branded trainers as school shoes, imagine the pressure to be fully kitted in designer clothes every day. It teaches them to dress appropriately for the situation, that showing up to school or work with a skirt short enough to see your bum is just not on.

OP posts:
Original poster
SunshineAndSmile · 30/08/2017 07:57

*properly

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 30/08/2017 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QueenofLouisiana · 30/08/2017 08:27

We have 2 totally different approaches to uniform as DH's school and DS's school come at the issue poles apart. I'm very undecided as to which is right- they both got good results this year.

DS- uniform inspection as he gets off the bus, has had a behaviour mark for untucked shirt. Ties are "proper" not clip on and must be the correct length. Regular reminders about skirt length and style (including placing of seams). Uniform is easy to get hold of (I think skirts may be harder due to seam placement Grin ) the rest is available from supermarkets, Sports Direct etc. School sells blazers for £25 and second hand uniform is available. Students regularly not dressed properly are sent to this stock of clothing and parents are sent a bill. This school was poorly performing but now hugely oversubscribed and gets results 10-15% higher than the other local school with a similar intake. Yes, it's part of an academy trust with a reputation for doing the same thing across the county.

DH- uniform sweatshirt, polo and trousers (no skirts at all). Jumpers and polos must be logoed and cost is therefore (much) higher. DH has had several arguments with (childfree) colleagues who want to bring in logoed trousers from a single supplier at a cost of £30 per pair. The thought process here is that if there are few rules to break about uniform, there is less for kids and staff to argue about. No skirts means no discussion about how much above the knee is ok, no tie mean no argument about style of tying. The school is in a very supportive area, majority if parents work in schools, hospital or as engineers for a huge multinational which has its R&D centre in the area. Again, very oversubscribed. Occasionally someone kicks off about the skirt rule- they are politely told that other local schools allow skirts, this one does not.

BathshebaOak1 · 30/08/2017 08:55

@Maisypops What sort of school do you teach in that has supoortive parents who back the school up? (Just interested.)

BathshebaOak1 · 30/08/2017 08:59

@MaisyPops

MaisyPops · 30/08/2017 09:57

bathshebaoak1
Non-selective state comprehensive.

We have reasonable rules and expect them to be followed.

There's still a minority of parents who will try the 'you can't put them in detention because they were just...' but they are well known and we can pass them up the chain where they are told by senior staff that it stands.

We have teenagers being teenagers so have untucked shirts and rolled up skirts. We have kids who leave the house make up free and appear wearing it. Usual teen stuff really. We tell them to correct it and they do. If we rang home and said 'hello it's mrs Maisy from school. Unfortunately, your child has drawn slugs instead of eyebrows and is now refusing to remove them' our parents would back us. (A bit like other posters on this thread who say they buy their children proper uniform and if they try it on and get in trouble then it's their fault)

roarityroar · 30/08/2017 09:59

If you can't beat them, join them?

BathshebaOak1 · 30/08/2017 10:20

Thanks Maisy. Dd goes to a comp too. I wonder why some have more supportive parents than others.

MaisyPops · 30/08/2017 10:54

BathshebaOak1
Whole range of complex factors in my opinion.

Generally the unsupportive types can be grouped (in my experience - and I'm not saying everyone in these groups is unsupportive):

  • adults who hated school, didn't see the point, limited qualifications and have the view 'i managed and got a job with no gcses' and they pass that on
  • adults who don't give their kids boundaries at home and then undermine any attempts by school to place boundaries and rules in place
  • middle class fussy parents who think the sun shines out their child's backside and instead of accepting maybe their child did misbehave like to call up to protest their child's innocence / when their child hasn't done their homework they write notes in the planner saying 'i gave permission for jamie not to do his homework this weekend because we were busy'.