AIBU - to feel unsupported in my feminist beliefs in the playground

[Goldiloz]

I feel like this is the straw that broke the camels back.
I don't understand why mothers aren't supporting women's rights at primary school. Surely most sane people think that girls should be given the same opportunities as boys. We shouldn't pigeon hole 50% of the population just because they will grow up to have boobs and maybe pop out a kid or two. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle listening to some of the other mums in the playground.
It ranges from presents at birthday parties. The 'norm' seems to be buying girls creative/pink stuff unless they are a 'Tom boy' when they can get 'boy' stuff instead. And boys are only given sports and superhero stuff.
And party bags! Separate ones for boys and girls????
I just don't understand why women fail to see the issue with this and continue to justify it with generalised comments about 'most boys' and 'most girls'.
AIBU to expect more from modern women?

I'm with you OP, thelittle, silverbirch and a few of you others. I also haven't fully formulated my opinion on this very very tricky issue but the lack of awareness about it all is upsetting and depressing.

Cash in a card, problem sorted

I'm always interested in these threads that people say that any sort of gender bias is the result of social conditioning. I'm not necessarily disagreeing but it makes me wonder how the social conditioning came about, throughout multiple cultures in the world, if it wasn't at least partly due to innate male/female differences in the first place.
Don't get me wrong - I long for a society where my son and daughter will have totally equal opportunities but I wonder if stereotyping arose from "natural" reasons. After all women throughout the world, and throughout history have done the vast majority of childcare etc. These days women have a choice but many, many of them are still choosing to take a year off work, or give up work or go part time (I didn't btw). I cannot believe that all of them are sleepwalking into it just because it's what society expects. Those I know said they felt an instinctive urge to be with their children.

I keep reading about this, surely if you bring your child up to know they are allowed to do anything, that no job is for a girl or a boy, then slowly the world will change.
My children were allowed too choose things, but I never felt the need to make others listen to my views on it, I always said live and let live.
I worry that sometimes that things have gone to far the other side and now it's all about wanting it all to be fair, and crying when it's not, you may think it's the be all and end all, but rather a lot of people just think you protest to much so stop listening.
Make small changes one after the other is the way to move forward.
Football now has a woman's presence.
Woman can take most jobs, these are all small things won over time.

I envy women married to men who can support a family. Having the choice to stay at home when your dc are little is brilliant!
Having to juggle kids, a job, the home, it's a killer - but apparently it's what women want? ( not what I wanted )
gender defined roles work.
Oh, & YABU.

I've always bought my girls whatever toys they are into so they have a wide mix, similarly they own both 'boys' and 'girls' clothes. I prefer to call them clothes. I hate pink. My girls, since beng toddlers have demanded pink and sparkly, it's only now they are older the have changed a little. They haven't been brought up to prefer girly things, they just do. Whether that's because of friend whatever I don't know nor care but 95% of their friends have been the same. I couldn't care less what colour party bag tat is. I buy gifts to the child's preference rather than choosing to disappoint and make a political statement

YANBU

It's sad that, on a fairly feminist site, you have got so many comments that all ignore the overwhelming evidence that gender stereotyping begins right from the start and had a huge impact on children (there was a program about this on TV very recently).

Contrary to what many have said, stereotypes do affect girls' opportunities and choices throughout life, and not for the good. Therefore it is a big deal and it does matter.

I agree with you OP.

Reading this thread is really depressing, we seem to have gone backwards in our attitudes.When my dc were small 25/30 years ago, there seemed to be more equality in terms of toys and I can't remember DD having princess dresses or pink sparkles.

My GC are growing up abroad, in a country where pink is a boy's colour, so not in their dna!

Reading this thread is really depressing, we seem to have gone backwards in our attitudes

Totally agree. And yes, it is depressing.

Interesting. Since my post last night people have used the words "insecure" and "weak minded" to describe girls (like my daughter, as I said) who are influenced by the social world around them into liking pink/princesses etc more than they did before.

Of course I don't believe the rise of pink in my house is entirely caused by one set of princess presents she received. But the daily drip drip is very strong. I find it genuinely baffling (and if I am honest, borderline offensive) that half the posters on this thread seem to think my daughter and others are weak willed conformists whereas their pink-loving girls just "know what they like".

Could we maybe look at some of the evidence and agree that girls liking princesses and pink is about herd mentality and desire to conform (that all young kids have); powerful social influence; extremely divided marketing etc. No-one here is saying we should stop kids playing with stuff if they want to - we are saying that at a societal level some things need to change for kids to have a genuinely free and open choice.

Much like no-one is saying adult women's choices about work and childcare should be policed - but that at a societal level we need to make some changes to help everyone (men included) make a free choice for themselves without being constrained by gender norms.

Second the recommendation of "Delusions of Gender" that someone gave above.

What about Dads at the school gates ? Bit of an ironic post really...

Somebodyelse the original post was just about my experience not a general consensus. Men obviously have a role to play but it is the women I have spoken to that seem to think boys and girls are inherently different and want different things. But that is only my school.

OP why are you blaming just women (mothers) for this?? Surely men need to take responsibility as well
Ironically most feminists are the most sexist people I know!

Sigh

I buy my daughter dolls and pink things because she likes them. When I was a kid, I got bought cars and he-men and a bumble bee cottage because I liked them. I also wore trousers because I hated the uniform dress. Why does feminism have to come into it??

Reading this thread a couple of things strike me. One is the firm belief that many people have that societal norms have no influence on them at all. Which rather begs the question how they became societal norms in the first place. The other is that it seems perfectly fine to be as rude as you like to anyone who identifies as a feminist.

I think the problem is when you restrict children, not when you give them pink things. There is nothing wrong with pink or sparkly or creative crafts.
I think often those women who take a stance often do restrict their children into just having boys things - which if you think about it is just as wrong. These girls are somehow taught to reject anything thought as girly.

And you don't think having boys toys aisles and girls toys aisles is restricting?

And who the hell has told your daughter she can't play football?? Most girls in my daughter's class play for a local club. I haven't seen girls/boys toys separated in stores but then I live a long way off any big high street stores

And the other thing that strikes me is that many people seem to be living in a feminist utopia. I wish I did!

Really? Nothing to do with the blue sign saying "Boys" then?

bertrand no. To only buy from one isle is restricting.
Having them colour coded is a handy way to find stuff!

I don't think if have ever seen a sign saying boys toys!