AIBU - to feel unsupported in my feminist beliefs in the playground

[Goldiloz]

I feel like this is the straw that broke the camels back.
I don't understand why mothers aren't supporting women's rights at primary school. Surely most sane people think that girls should be given the same opportunities as boys. We shouldn't pigeon hole 50% of the population just because they will grow up to have boobs and maybe pop out a kid or two. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle listening to some of the other mums in the playground.
It ranges from presents at birthday parties. The 'norm' seems to be buying girls creative/pink stuff unless they are a 'Tom boy' when they can get 'boy' stuff instead. And boys are only given sports and superhero stuff.
And party bags! Separate ones for boys and girls????
I just don't understand why women fail to see the issue with this and continue to justify it with generalised comments about 'most boys' and 'most girls'.
AIBU to expect more from modern women?

Fruitcorner123 my point wasn't that all SAHM choose to be a SAHM because of beliefs about what women should and shouldn't do (I know for most its not a choice) but there are more likely to be some SAHMs who have traditional beliefs than WOHMs.
I find it difficult when people claim that their child just chose pink things and its no evidence of any gender bias- ditto boys who just like football etc- these things are reinforced from day 1 -children pick up on it. Pink was a male colour for much of history- how can it now be genetics that draws girls to it ? By age 7 children have absorbed so much crap about what a boy is/likes and what a girl is/likes that it is difficult to compensate. we have pretty much a role reversed household and are non stereotypical in many ways (I never wear makeup, DP hates football, I work full time, he does most of cooking , day to day childcare) but it is an uphill struggle; Its not just that there is a divide between girls things and boys things but we are also fed the lines that girls toys are lesser (as they reflect pursuits such as nurturing/caring etc which are traditionally not paid/only done by women) - feminsim focuses on giving girls access/opportunities within traditional male pursuits (higher paid/higher status) when there should be focus on making the female options equally valuable (for boys and girls)...
then you have constant subconscious sexism which is all pervasive- even at school "ladies first","thats not ladylike" "any dads available to set off fireworks?" for example....

Why would they think that?

And why should their ridiculous ideas be allowed to damage society?

You'd have to ask them Bertrand. And I think you know your second question is a little absurd.

There are people who think that black people should have different opportunities to white people too.......

There is a wall over there Bert . You probably need to bang your head against it.

Indeed there are Bertrand. And people who think gay people are abominations. What there isn't is thought police.

And there are a lot of gender reveal threads on hereat the moment-with people saying they want to know so they can start shopping......

i am 36 wks pregnant with no idea what I am having. Went shopping yesterday and really didn't have much choice that wasn't either blue or pink. Its not about mums trying to force gender stereotypes on the babies for me its more about not wanting everyone to call your baby girl a boy or vice versa and as these are the only colours we have to choose from we choose the one that people associate with that gender so that people will know we have a girl/boy. If they just made more gender neutral clothes for babies in the first place the problem wouldn't exist.

Wasp, to avoid causing any further frustration, my point is that people will think and feel how they choose to. Only what they say and do can be policed. But that doesn't extend to putting girls in pink clothes.

Also I agree that girls and Maths is a massive problem. I teach some hugely talented female Mathematicians in Key stage 4 and when asked if they wanted to do A-Level only 2 girls out of a potential 18 or so expressed an interest. Many of the will be told things like, "As long as you get a C in Maths that's fine" Of course if thats what they are caopable of it would be fine but these girls are capable of much more but they have no cofidence in their own abilities. Would the parents be saying the same to thier sons of similar ability? I have been teaching for 11 years and we have always had a problem recruiting girls for A-level.

I think if they don't want to do maths I wouldn't encourage either sex.
I think you have to like what you do.

I dislike maths much more for having to do both maths A level and further maths!

Given the results performances, at all ages, at all levels, between girls and boys shouldn't we be worried about pigeonholing the boys who are doing much, much worse?

And yes- loads of people- including loads who should know better- think boys are intrinsically better at maths than girls

Absolutely.

And computer programming. And engineering. And sport.

Its fundamentally depressing. And yes, I firmly believe insidious generification at a young age does nothing to discourage such opinions

on the flip side when i was at school Maths was portrayed as being dull, none-creative, lacking imaginative and done by the type of people who had no friends/social skills etc - it didn't have the kudos that other subjects - it wasn't that girls didn't feel they could aspire to it they also didn't want to. theres a lot of tribalism...

Headofthehive55
I dislike maths much more for having to do both maths A level and further maths!

Not so much dislike as what a complete waste of a year it was for me doing Higher Maths, which no matter how hard I worked at, I just didn't understand- despite individual coaching by a female maths teacher.

I should have been doing an another "easy" Arts subject- "easy" because that is what I was good at.

eney I would like to see the status and profile raised of traditionally female qualities /pursuits

I think if they don't want to do maths I wouldn't encourage either sex. I think you have to like what you do.

Depends why they don't want to do it. If they don't like it that's fine. If they don't do it for fear they may not be good at it, they're influenced by the idea that girls are fundamentally less talented than boys at maths and science, and better suited to humanities, then that's a problem.

One tends to like things one thinks one can do. If one is subtly brainwashed to think one might not be able to do it, one is less likely to choose it.

I posted stats above which shows that girls outperform boys in all sciences at GCSE level, but fewer girls than boys take science A levels particularly physics.

And in 2011 50% of mixed state schools had no girls doing physics A level at all.

Girls are more likely to study science in single sex schools.

I think there are loads @Bertrand. Too many.

Fairy wands for the girls and pirate swords for the boys (recent kids party)....

I wouldn't blame any parent for HE.

I work successfully in a male dominated arena and looking back now my upbringing could be considered to be accidentally neutral of gender influences in many respects. My sister and I never got the pink check summer dress, we had blue or green. No frilly socks or patent shoes. My mum is 73 now and this approach was the manifestation of austerity, not feminism. I was expected to do well at school and achieve. I found I naturally veered towards my cousin's meccano and toy cars and so started to receive them as gifts, though I did adore the red net ball gown my mum sewed for my Cindy doll one Christmas. Other gifts were bikes, quiz games, musical instruments. My own son has had kitchens and prams. When asked, he said he liked the kitchen because it was full of danger and the pram because he liked the fast wheels (he now throws himself down mountains on a bike, his sporting hero being the current female world champion). My sister went into an industry that was and is more female centric. She loves glitter and bling, and the kardashian family. I don't like any of that. I think the gender argument overlooks the fact that male and female brains are wired differently, and within each sex the wiring varies. It's not all nurture.

If you take a group of mathematically able boys you will find that most (probably more than half) will want to study maths. So why dont the.girls?

They may claim that they dont 'like' it but there is no biological reason for this. So why dont more girls 'like' maths? I believe its a confidence thing ,we are doing something to girls to make them lack.confidence in their skills and abilities in STEM subjects.

I think the gender argument overlooks the fact that male and female brains are wired differently

Brains don't have wires. Talk me through the difference in 'wiring', and where you got this idea from.

(That post is a prime example of 'delusions of gender' brainwashing)

They may claim that they dont 'like' it but there is no biological reason for this. So why dont more girls 'like' maths? I believe its a confidence thing ,we are doing something to girls to make them lack.confidence in their skills and abilities in STEM subjects.

Quite. As I said above, we tend to like things we think we're good at. If there's a question mark over aptitude we are less likely to be confident and that will affect how much we like it.

YANBU , OP.
You may as well bang your head in the wall because despite women whinging about inequality and lack of opportunities for women, some just can't connect it to buying in to the whole get daughter's girly stuff and son's the action stuff.