AIBU - to feel unsupported in my feminist beliefs in the playground

[Goldiloz]

I feel like this is the straw that broke the camels back.
I don't understand why mothers aren't supporting women's rights at primary school. Surely most sane people think that girls should be given the same opportunities as boys. We shouldn't pigeon hole 50% of the population just because they will grow up to have boobs and maybe pop out a kid or two. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle listening to some of the other mums in the playground.
It ranges from presents at birthday parties. The 'norm' seems to be buying girls creative/pink stuff unless they are a 'Tom boy' when they can get 'boy' stuff instead. And boys are only given sports and superhero stuff.
And party bags! Separate ones for boys and girls????
I just don't understand why women fail to see the issue with this and continue to justify it with generalised comments about 'most boys' and 'most girls'.
AIBU to expect more from modern women?

I don't think you're being unreasonable. Girls aren't just born magically drawn to pink, it's something society pushes on them from a young age. Not that there's anything wrong with liking pink, but I don't think it's something innate in females.
The programme no more boys and girls is interesting and shows how people put gender stereotypes on them from a really young age.

LasswiThedelicatehair sorry I didn't see your post! I totally agree with you! My post was too the OP, really sorry! X

I well remember my eldest "breastfeeding" his action man while I was feeding his little brother, my youngest wanted to be a Disney princess and often paraded round in dresses. They also liked guns, cars, football, it doesn't have to be one or the other.

Yanbu at all. I am completely with you on this. My dd has been brought up to believe she can do anything that anyone else can. Now she has been at school for a year she suddenly won't wear blue because "it's a boys colour" and she can't be a doctor only a nurse?!!!!
I constantly tear my hair out that our girls seem to aspire to be princesses! And, like you, get strange looks from other parents when I mention this. It's so sad.
Some of the comments on here are completely harsh towards you op. But I'm right there with you.

YANBU OP. My DD starts school in a couple of weeks and had been going to nursery since I returned from mat leave. Her favourite colour was green until this year, now it's green and pink. I took her to get school shoes and wanted to get her some reasonably covered ones. Her response? "Girls school shoes don't look like that"
I asked her why and she told me "girls must wear these to school" (pointing to Mary Janes). Society had already trained her that girls must wear Mary Janes to school! Unfortunately for me, she has really narrow feet so she has her really open "girls schools" as they are the only ones that fitted!

I don't get why girls can't just like pink and boys can't just like blue without people getting mardy about rights and equality? Equality is so important yes but I'm a girl, my dad used to take me to rugby and take me to dance class, he never once told me I must like pink because I'm a girl or I must wear dresses because I'm a girl, in fact the majority of my childhood I worse a rugby too with sandals. Despite him always letting me like what I wanted, my favourite colour is pink and I would rather wear skirts than jeans just because that's what I prefer. When my son is older and I let him pick something from the toy aisle, if he comes back with a barbie, then that's cool I'll be happy to play barbies with him! But if he comes back with a dinosaur I'm not going to say "oh yes you can have that but you must get something pink and with princesses on because you have to be equal".
Boys are allowed to like blue and wants typically "boy" party bags without there being a full blown argument about it. Like wise with girls. If a parent is making the child be a stereotypical boy/girl then yes that's wrong but just let children like what they want.

Without meaning to be offensive I think you're being quite unreasonable.

I believe that taking people are taking this to extremes now. I firmly believe that it is what you show your daughters that is way more important than whether you allow your daughter to play with pink toys.

I was brought up by a mum who wouldn't allow any "girly" toys yet let my step dad treat her like shit in front of my eyes. My half sister has a daughter and will not allow her to have anything pink, will not dress her in anything remotely girly yet is in an openly abusive relationship with a man who treats her and my mother who they live with like shit.

Yes if you force your girl to be "girly" it's going to have a detrimental effect as will forcing them to not be "girly". Adults should just let children be and present different options and stop trying to intellectualise everything.

Also I feel that your criticism of other women has very negative undertones and that in itself is counterproductive to any message not buying pink toys will send.

In summary YABU.

So much missing of the point going on here. This is all about suggestion. That BBC doc was shocking in that it demonstrates exactly how small things that parents aren't 'forcing' on children DO have a huge effect.

Feminism is not about treating everyone the same either, it's about ensuring that no matter what our biological differences are, we all have the same rights and opportunities. So that's about accepting that whilst we do have SEX differences, GENDER stereotyping only serves to rob us of potential, so best to keep trying to get rid of it whenever we see it, knowing that a lot of what we are influenced by goes unnoticed and seeps in as tiny parts of a bigger picture.

YANBU op and by god it's depressing that so many think you are BU.

lass
I agree with you!

vice
Why do you dispair when you see girls playing at princesses?

My girls made a video of them playing princesses with play Mobil. The intrigue. Political infighting, grabs for power, arguments over succession - it was games of thrones for beginners I think!
It was facinating to watch.

No one really says,'you must like pink' to little girls. It's a lot (LOT) more subtle. But we already know that, don't we? .

You would have to have been living under a rock not to have picked up on at least a bit of information on the "pinkification" of girls lives and how it affects their self image and expectations.

It isn't even a little bit difficult to understand.

OP they don't get it because they don't want to get it and would rather die than speak up.

I'm with you and good luck with them.

YANBU.

On this thread I have read that "Feminism is not about choice" and "its about widening a child's choice" . So feminism really means what ever you want it to mean?

Then: "What this thread is about is trying to make sure that boys and girls have proper choice" But a babies/young child have exactly zero choice because their environment is created entirely by the parents and extended family.

And when others go further and say "feminism is about promoting real and meaningful choices". I think wtf has that got to do with babies and young children.

MN mums seem to live on a different planet. Is his where feminism died?

Is his where feminism died?

Is this where feminism died?

Aargf - pink is a marketing device as are most toys. I just think it's simpler to BAN EVIL PARTY BAGS and BAN SUPER ORGANISED PARTIES and BAN SLEEP OVERS.

They are just ridiculous inventions. My DCs had one party - and then it was over for me. (Though nicest party bag from party they went to was a bulb in a pot). They both ended up being hugely friendly (possibly to get away from me) and I didn't have to do a thing! YAY!

And sleep overs are just nit-exchanges at primary school level, leaving kids far too tired to do anything useful like clearing out the hamster tray or walking the dog or doing homework.

NIT1. "Guess who?"
NIT2. "Not one of the knock-knock jokes - who?"
NIT1. "It's the blonde one next to the one you're on."
NIT2. "And so?"
NIT1. "She's having a sleepover!"
NIT2. "Who's coming?"
NIT1. "We're all coming!"

Eleanorsummer that's the programme I referenced earlier in the thread. So sad the girls had virtually no confidence due to damaging gender stereotypes.

Ds1 had his last birthday party at 13/14 (might have been younger, but i dont think so and cant be bothered to check)

It was a few hours at one of those dry ski slopes to do ringos, back to the house to watch a dvd, lots of pizza, popcorn and sweets

I didnt bother with a party bag as they were so old and i got them a large (sharing) bag of sweets each instead

When leaving one of the children said 'im leaving can i have my partybag please' and then i said that they were a little old but they had a bag of sweets , my goodness the look on his little face

Nope, the only pink bedroom here is my sons.
We must live under a rock then.
I doubt you'd find my girls under confident.
I only ever hear of this problem on mn.

Who has the time or energy to debate this in the playground. I just wanted to drop and run.

I find professional parents hard hard work.

Oh bless Rufus, this is tge sort of thing my dd10 who has ASD would say. As its the routine for parties😃

It was funny aero

Bless him

The child is NT but just very very used to party bags...in his defence i was certainly still doing party bags the year before but i cant remember if he was invited

I did feel dreadful and 2nd guessed myself

Gender stereotyping was debated on Good Morning Britain today. Specifically: should 12 year old girls be allowed to wear makeup. The 'princess party' planner woman kept referencing 'children' when only girls attend the makeup sessions. Apparently boys do attend sometimes- to have pirate moustaches drawn on them. Sally Peck (Telegraph) tried to expand the conversation to the broader issue of gender stereotyping but Richard Madeley piped up that he didn't see the harm in girls wearing makeup. People will always reduce the gender stereotyping debate to "why can't girls wear makeup if they like it" instead of looking further, at the wider issues and their effects on children's lives as they get older and become adults. Very sad opinions from No More Boys and Girls: boys were stronger than girls (err, childbirth?!), boys were smarter than girls, boys were "the best", boys were good at maths and girls were not (one of the girls scored very highly in maths but had had zero confidence in her ability). Sad things for the boys generally consisted of being emotional and crying being completely unacceptable. These are 7 year olds. Society is regressing.

I think some people must have a sort of Babel Fish in their ears which translates "it's a good idea for girls and boys to have a proper free choice about what they wear, do and play with" to "Pink is evil- we must force girls to play with cars and boys to dress up as Cinderella"

I managed to get through DDs ENTIRE primary school days without engaging with "playground (mafia) Mums." Thank God.

"
I managed to get through DDs ENTIRE primary school days without engaging with "playground (mafia) Mums." Thank God."
How very interesting. Why don't you like women? I can't imagine not liking women.......